Discussion » Questions » Death and Dying » What’s the best way for a human to kill a muffin?

What’s the best way for a human to kill a muffin?

Posted - May 9, 2019

Responses


  • 5354
    Lethal Injection.
      May 10, 2019 10:52 AM MDT
    2

  • This is pretty good. I just watched a show last week about how painful and cruel lethal injection really  is... had no idea before. 
      May 10, 2019 10:56 AM MDT
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  • 5354
    i found the show on YouTube: https://youtu.be/0lTczPEG8iI and must agree it is not a 'good way' to do executions. I wonder, have they tried a CO2 atmosphere without free oxygen? lots of CO2 block the breathing reflex and put the person to sleep, until he die, Like when you start a car inside a closed garage. I don't know how long it takes. Maybe several hours, so they cannot fill their quota of executions. But at least it sound a lot more humane. This post was edited by JakobA the unAmerican. at May 11, 2019 5:13 PM MDT
      May 11, 2019 12:45 PM MDT
    1

  • Ha! Yep, that’s the show I was talking about. 
      May 11, 2019 5:14 PM MDT
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  • 10026
    Not to sound muffin racist but it depends on the muffin.
    A bran muffin needs no help. It makes it to your other end rather quickly.  It doesn't do the torture and skates on through.
    A cran/orange muffin, on the other hand, hangs out a little in the digestion fluids. That can't be a pretty sight. 
    That is torture enough.  I've always wondered if my taste buds appreciate what they put my food through. This post was edited by Merlin at May 10, 2019 11:20 AM MDT
      May 10, 2019 11:18 AM MDT
    1

  • Lol :) evil muffin type. I’m not putting this muffin in my mouth, so we need another plan, Merlin. 
      May 10, 2019 11:21 AM MDT
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  • 10026
    ;) O.K., I've got it...
    Let's start with the flour, the sugar, butter, eggs, and any accessories like cranberries, orange peel, raisins, walnuts. Whatever you are adding to make your muffins pristine.
    Leave them in separate bowls staring at one another.
    They desperately yearn to be together but you won't let them.
    You are waiting for the oven to preheat.
    Time passes.
    You slide through your kitchen with a wicked smirk, looking and them and tossing your hair.
    They can wait.
    Finally, you stroll over and began to mix them.  They are elated. 
    Little do they know, you are soon to send them to degrees of heat none could ever stand. 
    You shove into muffin holders and shove them in the center of the smoldering oven.
    The cranberries BURST in pain and the orange peels weep with flavor. Raisins are holding there breath, swollen with all wrinkles taken out of them. Walnuts ooze oil and taste, saturating the flour and sugar.  The eggs cannot handle any of this and die instantly only bringing the others a little air in between.
    You leave them in the heated torture chamber for about an hour.  But, that isn't the worst of it. 
    Their torture had not even begun.
    Just when they think it is safe, you rip their heads off and bite down on them continuously.
      "HOLY MOLY!  What is this?!" Your taste buds Scream!!!  "These were supposed to be blueberry muffins!!"
    You SPIT them out in your cold sink.
    This is the WORST humiliation and defeat to any bran and cran/orange muffins in the Universe. 
    Not only could they not attach themselves to parts of your body but now they are destined.
    Torture by the garbage disposal in your sink. 
    4 LARGE blades brutally gashing them as they spin with nausea watching all their muffin parts being destroyed.

    Slowly they disintegrate into the sewer of life.
    Beaten and Never Eaten.
    The epitome of muffin torture.

    Why live a muffin-life when it has such a torturous death? Torture from first being beaten, followed by heat from the oven, then ground and chomped on by human teeth and acidic salvia, rejected an spat out into a cold sink, followed by steaming hot water poured all over your already torn body, spun around at a completely nauseating speed, trashed by sharp blades, pulverizing you to small pieces, and left to die in the sewer.
    The short life of a tortured muffin.

    ... How's that?
      Big Huge Hugs and Loves and thanks for the giggles!  

      May 10, 2019 12:11 PM MDT
    1

  • That‘s perfect! Lol:) thanks,  Merlin :)
      May 10, 2019 7:45 PM MDT
    0

  • 14795
    Butter it to death.....before you cream it... :)
      May 10, 2019 5:21 PM MDT
    1

  • That’s sounds too nice.... 
      May 10, 2019 7:45 PM MDT
    1

  • 14795
    Lol
      May 11, 2019 2:13 AM MDT
    1

  • 14795
    Lol
      May 11, 2019 2:13 AM MDT
    1

  • 22891
    not sure
      May 12, 2019 3:58 PM MDT
    0