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I had good intentions and I was "doing the right thing" doing what was "best for me" despite fearing and loathing it all. I was willing to make a sacrifice for myself. There were no plans for self-sabotage. Which I don't think has ever happened before. ...I always leave at least a little wiggle room for self-sabotage/an escape. This necessary evil was all for the good. And it's f-ing me over. I feel sick and I'm depressed. I'm nearing the end of feeling like a wounded and cornered animal, fangs bared. I'm beginning to feel as helpless as a rabbit caught in a bear trap. I should be dead. Those things would normally cut right through a rabbit. Entrails hanging out and bloodied fur. Lucky me I've just got my little rabbit leg stuck between the misaligned jaws of the trap. Bone is poking through skin. I'm frantic. I try to wrench my leg free but it hurts like a mother-, so I pause, and wait for a bit. For what? Rescue? As if. A genuis solution, maybe. I know more likely than not I'll tear my leg off if I'm to escape. And then I might still bleed out. Or maybe die from shock. There are various ways I could go if I got myself "free". Even if I survived the ordeal I'd be forever crippled. Or I could stay. I'm not seeing many pros in that option. Aside from keep my (broken) leg. Maybe I'll think of something. Though I may have already made my decision (that is if I have a choice in the matter at all) and I know the ending already.
