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My cat has filed many claims of animal abuse with the local authorities. Here is but a small sample –
* It is abuse if he can see any portion of the food chalice (it should be filed to the brim at ALL times).
* It is abuse if the water bowl isn’t exactly 57 F, and/or if the water level therein is below or 1/32” from the rim.
* It is abuse if the litter box doesn’t have exactly 7 lbs. of smoothed litter in it at any time.
* It is abuse if he is forced to go to the vet or groomers.
* It is abuse if anyone looks at him when he’s under the bed or in his “cat-cave”.
* It is abuse to allow a dog to be in HIS house.
* It is abuse to yell “shut-up” when he is in the shower “singing” (day or night).
* It is abuse to be told to “get down” when he's walking across the kitchen table to change chairs.
* It is abuse - nay, sacrilege - to (gasp) pour tuna juice (from a can) down the drain.
* It is abuse for ANYONE to cut or trim his gorgeously handsome “panther claws” (look, but never touch).
* It is abuse for anyone to touch his tummy while he’s sleeping upside down.
* It is abuse not to announce your coming home at least 5 minutes in advance.
* It is abuse to hide the toilet paper roll.
* It is abuse to not allow him to “sample” his brother’s food (cat and dog).
* It is abuse to be fed the same flavor of food for more than 7 days in a row.
* It is abuse to allow another animal to be in “his” sunshine (all sunny spots are his).
* It is abuse to position chairs in a manner that prohibits him from jumping up on the counter so he can eat the house plants.
* It is abuse to ignore him.
* It is abuse to call him “kitty kitty”.
Cat (Subtly) Trains Owner.
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Wow, they really have you trained, don’t they?
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Shuhak 