How do we navigate differences of view in a way which leads us to understand one another better?

I agree that there will always be difference - and I think that's a good thing because we can learn from one another when we see how things turn out for others.

But I disagree with your statement, "even in understanding why we still may not see why what is important to them is so."
In my view, learning why what is important to them is so is exactly what understanding is.
For myself, when I understand why a feeling of empathy arises automatically.

Yes but we can become weary of being humble and empathy is often so boring ...

 

  Wrong “we”.  Not everyone has the same experience(s).

:|

Of course not. 

I thought humility and empathy was exactly what Jesus taught: "Love thy neighbour as thyself."

How can it be boring to feel the feelings of others?

Humility - I'm not sure about because I'm far too arrogant. I know it's painful or embarrassing when I have to admit I've made a bad mistake (as I must because honesty and amends are necessary). But I'm not bored when I'm in the midst of any emotion. Boredom, for me, means lack of stimulation.


This post was edited by inky at December 25, 2020 8:06 AM MST

Thank you.  I must walk a very fine line here.  Randy objects to my using "we", which I do because I know others share my feelings. On the other hand - using "I" in speaking about myself isolates me which is pretty much the soul of arrogance.  I can understand why people feel how they do but so often I am thinking but trying to put myself in their places to access such feelings is most often an act of futility since because I am not them I most often don't share their feelings.  So despite any understanding I have I end up making a value judgment and its like OK they feel this way but that just seems so oppressive or silly or overly-this or that to me it seems that all I can do is just leave them to it.  Because although I can acknowledge them and recognize them what they are doing and feeling simply means nothing to me so by going along with it I negate myself since no way do I fit into their scheme of things. Most of my social life had been putting up with and acknowledging the feelings of others more flamboyant or attention-drawing or those who feel things must mostly be about them. This I have long become accustomed to and accept. So I have learned that only in private mostly just with some friends and loved ones are any feelings I may have taken seriously so I have learned to expect nothing form the crowd and rather can't wait to het away from it to just be myself.  As far as boredom - I did not mean to indicate that I am a bored person but just that constantly allowing the feelings of others I don't happen to share to occupy center stage is boring.  I am seldom entertained by the dramas of others so all I can do is listen and acknowledge on the public stage, and in private be myself. 

 

  Any time an all-inclusive concept is used, it completely ignores exceptions. Of course I object to the blanket use of the word “we” when it is inappropriately applied. In this particular instance, you stated that we get tired of certain things, I countered with examples that some people get tired and some do not. It’s situational and cannot be broadswept to encompass everyone. 

  I don’t see why that’s so difficult to understand. 

~

Back on a familiar subject.  But as I wrote in another comment you put me in a difficult position.  If I use "I" well than it appears I am excepting myself which is arrogant. If I use "we" meaning myself and those who feel or think as I do then I am accused of bestowing my feelings on others which appears as just as arrogant. The main strength of the net  for me besides communication is finding others whose experiences and feelings and beliefs were just like mine. Which in society goes a long wat to validating ourselves.  Which is why answerbag was such a revelation for me. Now on this site, lacking that, I am still validated and so emboldened by the support and agreement I previously received so still willing to speak out which I never did before I got on the net in 2009.  So writing I am writing only about myself, writing "we" means I know there are others I am speaking for as well.  They are perfectly capable of speaking for themselves but many do not for various reasons, often fears of being negatively judged.  Which shuts them up.  I know how that feels but I have learned to speak out at least on some things which I continue to do whether or not I receive any support.  I have learned that support is there, maybe not here but at least out there. 

Thanks, Officegirl, for such a fulsome, thoughtful and heartfelt reply.
In future, I'll take your "we" as a personal statement of how you see things. We each have our own idiomatic ways of expressing things. How you use the word makes sense from the way you think about it.

I guess in any group of people, the ones who talk most get the most attention - or seem to. I'm not sure how often the listeners really listen. 

And I guess also that most of us slightly shift ourselves to adapt in the presence of others. The more we shift from our natural selves, and the longer we have to sustain it, the greater the strain. One of the definitions of an introvert is that they tire easily in social interactions, while the extrovert is energised by them.

They say the greatest part of the neocortex is taken up with the processing of social and emotional interactions - because they're so extremely complex. 
The person who talks endlessly is widely considered a bore - and I think that's because they don't make space for the give and take, for asking questions and giving attention to the other. This post was edited by inky at December 25, 2020 8:24 AM MST

Yes natural to shift ourselves somewhat depending on whose presence we are in. And one reason we might have different friends is we derive different beneficial things from each of them. Interesting what you write about introverts which I guess I am one of. So many social situations are about what certain people are about, whether they are charismatic, or just attention hawks, and to be in social company we adjust ourselves to those situations. I have most often found myself the one preparing the food in the kitchen while others hold forth which I don't mind and do quite well at so that is how I am able to fit in.  Someone asking what I think of anything is most rare and even on telephone surveys   when they find out my age they excuse themselves.  Which you know Inly perhaps is one reason why I am on a chat site such as this one and formerly answerbag.  Because it gives me a chance to express myself one way or another.  

Ditto for me.

I think here sometimes I must sound like a clanging brass vase - and it's precisely because it's such a rare pleasure to be able to express oneself.
(It's also why I write in real life.)

Offline in a group situation, I hold back on speaking until last or almost last. If the situation shifts it might mean I lose the chance. The exception would be when I think it's important that a particular thing really needs to be said.

  I think that a person such as Mother Theresa was an example of untiring adherence to being humble and empathetic, and she is only one of millions of people who fit that same mold.

  As human beings, different things tire different people. An addict may tire of his or her drug of choice, or on the other hand may tire of trying to quit or trying to stay clean of it, but not every addict is the same as every other addict. An athlete may tire of constantly staying in shape, or may tire of the disappointment of not achieving goals. Some athletes tire of different things. A poor person may tire of trying to rise above poverty and one day accept it as his or her lot in life. Another poor person may tire of the situation and use that as motivation to move forward. A trucker may tire of routes close to home that pay less money and one day branch out to long-haul routes that mean loneliness on the road and time away from family. A love-starved person might tire of seeking true intimacy and settle for merely physical interaction, but that doesn’t mean everyone on the same situation feels the same way. A creative person may tire of the fame found in succeeding and become a recluse.

  Examples like these could go on and on. 

~

Not sure what the point you ae trying to make here is. Of course people can tire of various things, or not tire of them. "Mother Theresa" if you are writing about then same person I am thinking about,  created a public image for herself as helping others which the popular press bought into.  She may well have helped many people and that is all good, but she also played a lot of religious politics and who knows what other  kinds of politics and in so doing hurt many people. And it is more often true that in order to publicly help others you have to fight and "win" simply for the chance of being able to do so. Otherwise few people even care.  Which is why I have chosen, and I am not the only one, to just live a normal life which includes service to others rather than endeavoring to draw attention to how "good" I might be.  The famous conductor Toscanini once said "I am not great man - is enough just to be a man".  Maybe it is enough just to be a woman as well.  We need not aspire to great achievements be they philanthropic or any other kind. there is enough in life for us just being ourselves. 

I like the way you look at how different people are within any one mould or type, Randy.

I remember when I tired of sculpture and the artworld. One person reacted with, "then you must never have been a real artist." I got such a shock hearing that. And then thought about it - the idea that artists burn with indefatigable passion for art is often true but by no means always. It has definitely been blown out of proportion by films about famous artists. I think that person, who had never practised an art form or mixed with artists, had simply absorbed the myths about artists and mistaken them for facts.

Interesting. I have never been creative but have been drawn to art and artists and that in part because of their passion, their enthusiasm.  They were into something that drove them so they had a life and I knew their happiness would not just all depend on me. 

Yes, it is joyous to be in the company of someone who loves what they do.

While it is a beautiful thing to contribute to another's happiness, or lessen their pain, I believe each of us is ultimately responsible for our own happiness.

Often it's something as simple as attitude - whether or not we accept our reality and respond to it appropriately and proactively.

And with an open mind and civility.

Thank you.
Civility is such a wonderful old fashioned word. It takes little or no effort to be polite and yet it makes such an incredible difference to people getting along together.

An open mind is an incredible blessing. It keeps us curious, stimulated and learning. It makes life so incredibly interesting.

I wish my mind were a little more open than it is. In recent years, I find my views have become more strongly held. But what I do remain open to is exploring new ideas, information, techniques and ways of thinking. Anything that hasn't already been around for a long time catches my attention.

I think in some ways, holding firm to your views is related to the aging process.  We figure what's worked up until now, is good, why mess around with it. :)  There are some new things I'm happy to explore and others that relate to technology are more difficult for me to comprehend.  

 

  All too often, many people (I’m not saying you) mistake open mindedness as “you-must-agree-with-me-ness”. They accuse others of not having an open mind, when in fact, a truly open mind must accept the possibility and the probability that one’s own views could be off-center, challengeable, challenged, rebutted, refuted, proven wrong, harmful, hurtful, negative, ill-recieved, backward, etc., etc., etc.
~

Point taken.

Another kind of "open-mindedness" seems to mean not having any values of your own  but simply giving oneself to just admiring the values of other somehow lesser (because they have values) mortals.