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“ . . . investigators believe the cause of the breakdown to be an electrical short.
“Now turning to local news, Shuhak, the bestselling author who worked undercover for federal authorities and then wrote the non-fiction book series on how the criminal kingpin Randolph D was taken down, held yet another press conference and book-signing event yesterday. Members of the general public were treated to Shuhak’s first-person accounts of the sting, many details of which were not even included in the books due to the amount of material and the sheer volume of interactions the two had with each other. Anyone unfamiliar with the whole affair is encouraged to buy the book set, aptly entitled, “What A Rube, What A Maroon”. Even after receiving a handsome reward for assisting in the law enforcement operation, Shuhak takes in nearly five times that amount in book sales, product endorsements, speaking engagements, and donations that pour in even until this day. We attempted to get a statement from Randolph D at the lockup where he’s serving his sentence, but the warden‘s office stated he is in solidarity confinement for an incident involving sandwiches being smuggled in to him, and for angering the death row inmates on arguments about their grammar. We will keep our viewers informed of any new developments on Shuhak’s climb to success.
“And now for sports, . . . “
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Ok, that’s a great idea, you’re really smart! I’m on my way right now. Exactly how do you expect to hold them off long enough for . . . OH! I see!
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They‘ll never take us alive!
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