I bought a thousand tickets for something called Shuhak‘s Cash Attack Win-Win Lottery, Retirement, Pension, Vacation and Stuff It All Under A Mattress Plan Fund Program Game Scheme, but it turns out that the fine print says no matter how much I pay into it, some guy named Shuhak is the only one on the win-win side of it. Could it just be a typo and I still have a chance? I only bought the $15 tickets because the guy who was selling them out of the trunk of his car was too busy counting all the money he had received from a bunch of chumps to print $1 tickets. He told me I could come back tomorrow, after he returns from his overnight trip to Las Vegas.
Hey, wait a second . . .
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Hold on, I‘m at my bank right now making a withdrawal; do you suggest I buy the $20 tickets or the $25 tickets tomorrow? I’d like the best deal possible, please.
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((((Psssst: Tilde Futures. I can get you in, I know a guy. Don‘t look around, don’t react; we never know who is watching or listening. Now where was I? Oh, yea. Meet me at midnight tomorrow by the docks on 17th Street and have at least $1,000 cash for each parcel you plan to buy. Small bills only, and make sure you’re not followed. What’s that, is it legit? Of course it’s legit, that’s why we have to whisper! If word got out to the general public that this is available, the buyers would swamp the market, the price would shoot up and supply would dwindle! Grrrrrrr.)))
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How about making a $15,000 contribution to my bid to become the country’s first Secretary of Grammar?
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