I was stationed in Kaneohe Bay, Hawaii and getting ready to move out of the barracks into an apartment out in town because I was going to be getting married soon. Prior to that, I didn’t really need a car, but being married, I would.
As is normal for most military bases, used car lots were in abundance surrounding Kaneohe Bay Marine Corps Air Station. I had shopped around and made my decision. One lot had a sign in the windshield of a 10-year-old model announcing $1700 with $500 down payment and 12 or 24 months of payments depending on credit history. It was the exact kind of car I wanted, but I am really cheap, so I took the plunge of making a “best offer”.
I went to the place at about 11 in the morning on a Friday, one salesman (probably the lot’s owner and also probably the lot’s sole employee) was there. He met the description of the typical sleazy used car salesman, complete with his bad haircut and his Herb Tarlock cheesy sport coat. He sized me up just like I had done to him, seeing me as just another Marine from the nearby base. I wasn’t there to browse or go through several choices; I knew exactly which car I wanted.
I put it plainly. “If I come back here in three hours with $1000 cash, will you sell me that car out the door for that much?”
His eyes lit up. No financing hassles, no credit check, no waiting to see whether or not he’d receive his monthly payment, no chasing down a serviceman who gets transferred halfway around the world, or who gets out of the Corps and goes back to the mainland, but most importantly, $1000 cash, cold hard cash, and right before a weekend too.
Even so, he eyed me warily. “One, are you sure you have $1000 cash, and two, even if you do, are you sure you’re coming back?” he asked me.
I assured him that I had the money, but I had to go to the bank to get it. Back then, that area of Hawaii wasn’t peppered with ATMs, I had never had a credit card, and since I had stopped by his place on a whim and not sure whether or not he’d take my offer, I had not wanted to run around with $1000 cash in my pockets.
He was game to accept my offer, and as I scurried away to the bus stop, he called after me, “This deal is only good for the next three hours! If you come back anytime after that, it’s back to $1700!”
“I’ll be back for sure, and I’ll have the money!” I assured him over my shoulder. Riding buses was not only time-consuming, it was also a crap-shoot coordinating schedules for going all the way in one direction, doing business, then waiting for or missing the bus for the return trip. Even though I thought I might be back in 90 minutes or an hour, I gave myself leeway of three hours total as a margin of error. Also, being a Friday and already the lunch hour, no telling how many people would be lined up at the bank.
I lucked out. I was in and out of the bank in no time and back to the lot in an hour and forty-five minutes from the time I had left there.
The salesman was helping another customer and looked genuinely surprised to see me again. “You’re back! I thought you were just joking.” he said. “Are you ready to do the deal?” he asked. Translated to English: did you bring the money, ALL the money?
Just like in the movies, I showed him the envelope, flipped my thumb through the stack of 20s, 50s and 100s. His eyes bugged, I think he almost orgasmed.
We went to the office and did the paperwork, it took about 45 minutes to do everything. I hadn’t accounted for fees for taxes, registration, licensing, transfer of title, etc. (heck, it was my first time buying a big-ticket item), so my out-the-door price skyrocketed, but I happened to have the amount on me, no more trips to the bank. I can’t remember the exact figure over $1000 it was for all those fees, whatever they were in Hawaii back then.
I happily drove it off the lot that afternoon, I was the owner of my very own car!
~
(to too late)
(Final sentence is missing closing punctuation.)
This is the last time. It’s Captain’s Mast if you let it happen again.