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Discussion » Questions » Emotions » How would you approach friend that didn't show concern for your being ill?

How would you approach friend that didn't show concern for your being ill?

My friend is normally fun, outgoing, but can be bossy /pushy too. Last year she did have a wonderful holiday gathering at her home, and b/c I don't have much family I accepted her invite and had a nice time. She asked me this year on a phone message if I'd like to come this year. I had food poisoning the weekend she called, and decided to FB message her as I could barely move/talk .. rather than phone. She is BIG into phone, and although she doesn't 'always' push the phone, she sometimes has..  the thing is, she talks a LOT and doesn't come up for air for much of what I might have to say. She's fun and nice in many ways, but its one reason I don't often phone people... I have also felt ill last year and couldn't call her, and relayed that too, and I think she thinks this year I'm just saying it... though I don't know. But if someone messaged me ANY way, I'd be happy about it.... my question is, b/c she has not replied in over a week, (I explained I was ill and had food poisoning) and has not given me any well wishes, would u bring that up to her? I planned on calling her this week but now I don't know.. I feel low she did not even say hope you feel better, when I've been there for her anytime she felt low. she did wish me well when I had surgery once, but she has really just kind of dismissed my message last week and whenever she's felt ill or sad, I've expressed concern.. I don't know to let it go, b/c we have been good friends, or say anything ?

Posted - November 3, 2016

Responses


  • 1128
    If you are good friends I would not say anything.  I know at times we all get busy with different things.  I have not seen one of my BEST friends in almost a year.  I don't need an explanation from her because her plate is also full, as mine is. I was hospitalized twice in this last year. I know my friend cares for me and my family, so That is all that matters.  I don't keep in touch with my family or friends as often as I should so I don't have room to complain.

    This post was edited by SA (SuperA) at November 3, 2016 8:58 PM MDT
      November 3, 2016 11:20 AM MDT
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  • 1138
    I'm sorry of your hospitilization :(  I totally get that notion, that we sometimes don't even see/talk to  our good or best friends in a year, or more sometimes, but this was simply that she is not replying to my saying, 'I was quite ill/couldn't walk, but wanted to get back to you'... and then no reply. It makes you feel low to not hear anything back. Did your friend know you were in the hospital but still did not talk/see you etc? That would def. make me feel sad- if they didn't even email or text or anything. Huggg.
      November 3, 2016 6:35 PM MDT
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  • 1128
    I  hospitalized twice and although my friend didn't call or come by she did contact my Daughter to see how I was.  After I was released from the hospital she gave me time to heal and rest, but I knew she was thinking of me.
    Sorry your friend did not show you some compassion.
    This post was edited by SA (SuperA) at November 4, 2016 8:32 PM MDT
      November 4, 2016 8:50 AM MDT
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  • 3375
    I did the same.  I knew it was bad when I was dialing you and getting your hubby instead.  That was a very scary time and we were so happy to get you back! 


      November 4, 2016 9:29 AM MDT
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  • 1128
    Peas, Just so glad you kept the rest of our friends in the loop.  I really felt glad to read you and everybody else's concern about my health.  It was scary, but I'm stuborn! LOL
    Love ya girl, for your empathy, loyalty and sisterhood!
      November 4, 2016 10:39 AM MDT
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  • 3375
    We all love you SA.  Truly.  <3
      November 4, 2016 10:40 AM MDT
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  • 46117
    I am a terrific  letter  writer when it comes to this.   Send this by mail and wait for the response.

    Dear .....

    Why did you not show any concern at all when I was sick?

      November 3, 2016 11:23 AM MDT
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  • 8210
    I haven't said anything as yet.
      November 3, 2016 12:46 PM MDT
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  • send a postcard

      November 3, 2016 7:52 PM MDT
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  • 1138
    Ohhhh geeezzz :P
      November 3, 2016 8:24 PM MDT
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  • 6
    Honestly, this sounds like you're blowing things out of proportion. It's sweet that your friend thought to ask you to attend, and it's sad that you didn't feel well, but expecting them to check up on you when you know they've probably been very busy with said holiday gathering sounds a bit bratty to me. You gave your excuses for not showing up, and you can leave it alone. Making a big deal out of it, or even just mentioning it, sounds like you're trying to cause drama or get attention.
      November 3, 2016 9:15 PM MDT
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  • 1138
    Nooo lol. We haven't even HAD the holiday gathering yet. She was 'asking' on phone message if I can go this year, to which I replied (in a facebook message) that I could.... and that I wanted to tell her by phone, but was feeling so ill and had food poisoning, so couldn't.  She did not reply to the message about me being ill, or about me coming either. I have lifted her up in every way when she feels low, sad, unloved, etc....but I explained to her I was quite ill and have heard nothing :(  It just seems w/ her silence she doesn't believe me or something, b/c I didn't 'call'. but, it might not be that at all... 
      November 3, 2016 9:50 PM MDT
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  • 6
    Okay, my mistake. I read your paragraph wrong and misunderstood. However, I still feel like you are making more of this than need be. I would just send her a message asking what time and day you should be there, as well as if there's anything you could bring. There's really no need to bring up that you were sick and that's why you didn't talk to her on the phone. People get busy in their day-to-day lives, and it can be difficult to see if we might have unintentionally slighted someone. Be grateful and gracious, and don't overthink it.
      November 4, 2016 6:08 PM MDT
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  • 3375
    This is a tough because it sounds like you both have wonderful qualities and both have things going on.  

    I think you are worried because you aren't a phone person and she is and you are worried that she could be going silent on you because of this. I definitely get the problem of an incessant talker on the phone, btw.  LOL.  I got an honest to God phobia of that.  

    If this really begins to bother you, maybe you could touch base with her without sounding like she is forgetting about you.  Send her an email and ask her how she is and then share how you have been doing.  She really could be having difficulties that have absolutely nothing to do with you and her quietness is just coincidental.  

    I too tend to go quiet with my friends that aren't big emailers when I am going through things since writing is my comfort zone.

    Hope this works out.  :)




      November 3, 2016 9:19 PM MDT
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  • 1138
    Hi PP , ty so much. I think I will call her, like I wanted to last week, and just say again, I was quite ill... not saying anything like, 'oh ty for asking about me, when I always uplift you!!' lol.... I NEVER speak up to anyone... but it really isn't too big a deal overall, I'm just wondering if someone 'would' speak up. I know some others would, but I just try to guage what I should do, as I often doubt myself. She really just might have forgotten the message... ty again always appreciate your kind advice *hugg
      November 3, 2016 9:52 PM MDT
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  • 3375
    If it means anything to you, I have times in my life where I overthink things.  I think people like us don't like to hurt anyone's feelings, yet feel a little overlooked at times.  

    You will feel better calling her, even if none of this is brought up.  A good friend is something to cherish and no one is going to have the ability to be there for us at all times.
      November 3, 2016 10:19 PM MDT
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  • 3463
    Sometimes people don't know what to say when someone says they are sick. But that does not mean that they don't care.
    I agree with PeaPod. You should call her and I think it would make you feel better.
      November 4, 2016 10:48 AM MDT
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  • 2515
    1. First, let me wish you good health. I am sorry you have been ill and don't have the support of your friend, whom you considered your friend.
    2. I actually know people like that. Everything is about them. Did you see the movie "America's Sweethearts"? It is about a sister, played by Julia Roberts, who catered to her sister, as she was a film actress, played by Catherine Zeta-Jones. Well, Catherine's role was a narcissistic, spoiled brat. She cared nothing about anybody but herself. Everything was about her.
    3. I also know about people who talk non-stop. You can't get a word in. I try to avoid such people. 
    4. I think its better being alone than with such people. 
    5. Just take care of yourself. Concentrate on your self and don't worry about what other people say. 
    6. Then when you are well, get out there and make new friends. I'm betting she will come around begging for your attention. That's how that works, however, don't fall for it. People show their true colors during bad times. Real friends are for you during good and bad times. 
      November 4, 2016 11:00 AM MDT
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  • 1138
    Thx friend. I have seen that movie and she was VERY narcissitic/selfish...my friend is n ot like that level, but she does enjoy telling people what to do, and in this case, I feel b/c I didn't 'call' her, she just dismissed it. That's what it feels like, b/c a lot of things do seem to revolve around her; things she posts to social media.. which is just about every part of her day she posts. If my friend messaged me instead of called I wouldn't care in ANY way; I'd be like, aww hope you feel better, and think to myself, it was nice of her to reply when feeling ill. I mean, now I'm trying to just brush this off, but it's hard... I'm always uplifting her and I got nothing-  but then I think, well she did invite me for the holidays and that is so kind. So I don't know what to do- if I mention my feelings it could turn the conversation a bit awkward, and if I say nothing I feel small and like,  I really don't matter (when I've said to her numerous times, 'it'll be ok' or 'you'll do great'   etc. ) ... Not much you can do really.. ty so much for your advice  !!
      November 5, 2016 12:50 AM MDT
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  • 19937
    You've all missed the possibility that this friend may not be well herself and that's the reason she didn't respond.  Since you claim to be such good friends, why don't you pick up the phone and find out if she's OK. 
      November 4, 2016 11:27 AM MDT
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  • 1138
    No she is fine ... she is posting things every day about how happy she has been the last few days, w/her bf, and posting videos of them. Ty though SS.... I will prob. just let it go, as I let EVERY thing go with everyone. It's just sad, well, I feel sad, b/c I always lift her up, and I felt really bad that day/pain, and I get no comment at all... oh well.
      November 4, 2016 8:31 PM MDT
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  • 19937
    I understand.  This is one of the reasons I don't expect much from people - less disappointment.  Hope you two work it out.
      November 4, 2016 10:30 PM MDT
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  • 22891
    i would probably make new friends
      November 5, 2016 7:53 PM MDT
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  • 17
    I wouldn't approach due to the reason the person who refer to is anything BUT a friend.
      November 6, 2016 10:24 PM MST
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