Discussion » Questions » Jobs » What should I do about this older male co-worker who makes me highly uncomfortable?

What should I do about this older male co-worker who makes me highly uncomfortable?

I'm guessing he's in his mid to late 40's to early 50's. I'm 26 (female).

It'll be two years next month that I've had my current job (at my local library). From the beginning this man has given me weird, creepy vibes, but in the last year, esp. the last 6 or 7 months, it's been amping up. The best way I know how to describe it is, he's using normal, innocent activities to cover up creepy behavior.

In general, he's always staring at/watching me, trying to be near me or in the same area of our huge work room as me, trying to get me to notice him, and letting out these loud, depressed sighs around me, among other things.
I avoid and ignore him constantly, and he even acts passive aggressive at times in response while we're working; yet it's like he still hasn't gotten the hint that I don't want to be bothered, like he's holding out hope I'll "warm up" to him eventually.

Some examples:

- Just a few weeks ago I was sorting a cart of books in our workroom. The table I (used to) sit at to do this has a sink nearby, where we can wash our hands, small dishes, or whatever. On this day, he came over to wash his hands at this sink *3 times* while I was sitting there working. And here's the thing-- *every time* he does this, he turns his head and just watches me while I work, the *whole entire time* he's washing his hands, taking his sweet time too. He's actually done this on multiple occasions, but this was the most excessive he's done it yet. I've always tried really hard to ignore it and focus on my work, but that was too much. I decided to stop sorting over there.

Then a couple days later, I was sorting in my "new location", when he decided to sit and eat his breakfast at the worktable directly across from it, sitting to where he had a direct view of me, instead of eating in our huge, 5 table breakroom that's barely ever occupied in the morning (where he normally goes). And since I was in the middle of my task, I couldn't just get up and move, so I had to sit there and ignore it while he ate and yeah, glanced at me ever so often.

- One morning I was on the computer before my shift started, and I saw him walk over to the workroom coat rack and start hanging stuff. But he was over there waaay longer than it takes to just hang something up and go about your business.
And the whole time, I saw him in my peripheral vision just staring/peeping out at me from behind the coats/coat rack, and standing right in front of where I'd hung my jacket, and I had a feeling that he was over there doing something weird, and acting suspicious in general.
After a couple more minutes he finally walked off, and then a while later when my shift was about to start, I went to my cabinet to put my phone away, and saw that he'd hung his tote bag on the same hook as my jacket... directly on my jacket. Out of all the other hooks he could've hung it on, he chose to do that.


I’ve worn that jacket in the workroom a lot, so I know he’s seen me wearing it enough to know it was mine. Like he wanted to force me to have to touch something of his (to remove it) if I decided I wanted to wear my jacket that day. I removed the tote, took my jacket off the rack, and put it in my cabinet. I haven’t used the coat rack since.


- I can't 100% confirm this because of facemasks, but I have a sneaking suspicion that he showed up one Sunday to another library I'd been drafted to work at. A few days before he'd been nearby, and therefore overheard me, telling another co-worker I'd be there that day. The Sunday comes, I'm on my way outside to empty the bookdrops, when I see a man on his way inside that's the same height, build, hair color, and everything as this co-worker. Then a little while later during the same shift, I was shelving books, when I happened to look up and see this man sitting up at one of the tables, just staring at me.

 

I haven't told anyone about this, though, b/c he hasn't done or said anything "reportable" or inappropriate. And everything that has happened, I feel he could either deny or play off as innocent. I've wanted to confide in other co-workers, but there never seems to be a right time. I've thought long and hard, for a long time, asking myself if I'm just being paranoid, making a big deal out of nothing, etc. He seems to be awkward in general, which I guess is part of the problem; he doesn't really speak unless spoken to, and even then doesn't offer much conversation. I have tried to give him the benefit of the doubt, but every time I do, something else happens that sets me back and reinforces in my mind that something's "off" about him. I don't want to create workplace drama, plus I'm worried about retaliation b/c as I mentioned, he already acts passive aggressive towards me because I don't give him the attention he wants. 


It's occurred to me to even look for another job, but I really like working for the library and feel I shouldn't have to leave because of him. I have been holding out for a promotion/transfer opportunity as well, but I don't know how much longer I can keep waiting for that, while dealing with this....

 

 

Posted - February 5, 2022

Responses


  • 19937
    Even if he hasn't done anything overt, his attention has made you uncomfortable.  I would tell all this to your manager if for no other reason than getting your discomfort at his behavior on the record.  I would ask my co-workers if they have noticed any of his covert staring or deliberate attempts to be near you to see if anyone else has noticed - even if they haven't said anything to you. This post was edited by SpunkySenior at February 7, 2022 4:17 AM MST
      February 5, 2022 6:43 PM MST
    6

  • 11102
    I would wait until he walked by me then nonchalantly stick my foot out and trip him then say oppsey daisy. Might seem a little drastic but creepy behavior deserves drastic measures (sort of like fighting fire with fire but with tripping). Cheers and happy weekend! 
      February 5, 2022 7:14 PM MST
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  • 44603
    Your knee...his nuts. 'Nuf said.
      February 5, 2022 7:45 PM MST
    4

  • 1953
    I'd kick him so hard he'd be choking on those nuts.
      February 6, 2022 6:16 AM MST
    5

  • 1953
    Stand up to him, Tell the creep if he doesn't back off you will inform your supervisor then file sexual harassment charges against him. 
      February 6, 2022 6:16 AM MST
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  • 10996
    Until you confront him, he will assume you're okay with it. Even if he denies it, you will have put him on notice that his attentions are unwanted. If it were me, I would just say 'stop looking at me' whenever I noticed him doing that. I would have no hesitation to get up and move if he sat down near me. He will either leave you alone or give you a reason to report him. Being polite is not an option.
      February 6, 2022 8:52 AM MST
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  • 53504


      What, no restraining orders? Grrrrrrrr.

    :(

    ~

      February 6, 2022 10:36 PM MST
    0

  • 17592
    Like I'm going to read your novella!

    You're an adult so just act like one and handle it or find another job. 
      February 6, 2022 10:59 AM MST
    1

  • 19937
    I thought being disrespectful to another member was against TOS.  If her post was too long, you should have just disregarded it, but you decided to be rude and harsh.  You're an adult so just act line one.
      February 6, 2022 12:57 PM MST
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  • 44603
    I have seen numerous posts here that long. We can choose to read them or not. I didn't read the whole thing either, but was able to post a reasonable, albeit stupid, answer.
      February 6, 2022 1:43 PM MST
    2

  • 17592
    I miss Sharonna.  She was the last one to tell this woman to grow up.  That's not disrespectful; it's good advice for a 26 year old.
      February 6, 2022 7:07 PM MST
    1

  • 44603
    I noticed she quit.
      February 7, 2022 8:29 AM MST
    1

  • 53504

    Lol, I saw that too last night. 

    ~

      February 7, 2022 8:45 AM MST
    1

  • 44603
    Well, she did call Thriftymaid a c***. You can't disguise that.
      February 7, 2022 8:48 AM MST
    1

  • 53504

     

     Wait, where?
    ____

      February 7, 2022 8:49 AM MST
    2

  • 44603
    It was deleted, as were all of her responses. I'm surprised the entire post wasn't deleted.
      February 7, 2022 9:11 AM MST
    1

  • 17592
      February 7, 2022 2:00 PM MST
    1

  • 11102
    I was just thinking that since you work in a library if you trip the creepy guy you should do it in a educational sort of way. After you trip him and he starts crying or yelling you should put a finger on your lips and say - shhhhhhhhhhh. Then after that every time he does something creepy put a finger on your lips and say - shhhhhhhhhhh so he remembers what could happen to him. I was also thinking that if you do trip him he might cry about it to your boss so you should have a story ready like - he has really been stressing you out by stalking you so when you seen him coming you got a leg cramp and stuck your leg out then you said oppsey daisy because it was an accident that he tripped on it. Cheers!
      February 6, 2022 11:42 AM MST
    5