Is there really an afterlife awaiting me?
~
  (Comma after the word “so”.)
  It’s for demarcating the third separate clause within the same sentence.
  “Whether healthy eating, regular exercise, adhering to a budget, or loving Randy D and letting him into my life are going to matter.”
    You forgot one, Dear. 
     ~
  That means I get both of you, right? She’s coming here to be with me. 
~
Ok, if you insist that I simply have to let her go in order to stay with you, it can’t be helped. Wear something skimpy so you’ll be ready for me.

~