What is an ointment or salve you’d be reluctant to have to apply to your skin? (Humor sought but not a requirement.)

 

  Oops. 

 

 

*Note to self: immediately remove the 12 pack large economy size models bottles of snail slime serum from the gift box that is destined for the Minneapolis address, stat! (Gee, some women make it so difficult to shop for them. Grrrrrrrrrr.)
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This post was edited by Randy D at June 5, 2023 11:45 PM MDT

I guess that's one way to slow them down.

 

  Slow down the gifts, or slow down the women? (Remember, Randall D Randolph only likes fast women.)
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If you slather women with snail moisturizer, it might tend to slow them down, just sayin.

 

  ((((((Pssst, she in particular is a rather slippery one, I can barely keep her closer than arm’s length as it is, and the 1,000-foot condition of the fake online restraining orders don’t doesn’t make things any easier for me. Snail extract is purely experimental until I’ve improved the cargo net that explodes from a bouquet of flowers. I’ve had to come up with off-the-wall yet innovative measures to further the relationship, albeit without much help from her. Grrrrrrrrrrrrr.))))

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This post was edited by Randy D at June 7, 2023 10:47 PM MDT

You need to spend more time in each others company, she just may surprise you. 

No, she won't. 

hahahaha silly you. This post was edited by Art Lover at June 7, 2023 7:28 PM MDT

 

  I like the way you think! Listen, maybe you can get together with her for some girl talk and put in a few good words for me!

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I'll be happy to try, however with all your restraining orders against you...well, good luck with that.

 

  Orders schmorders! They’re only the fake online version, which I ignore completely and fly to Minneapolis as often as possible. Besides, real or fake, I’d ignore them anyway: red-hot love lust cannot be curtailed by red tape. Grrrrrrr.

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Do you know that snail seum is a real product that women are paying high prices for? Even so, it isn't something I'm eager to try.

 

  No, I did not know that. Thank you for enlightening me. 

 (By the way, what is a gift that would interest you? You should know that I can be at your door with it in no time, I always have a standby ticket for the San Diego to Minneapolis flight.)

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Some women consume their placentas after giving birth.  Just because it's out there, doesn't mean it's a great idea.  

Uh oh!

"the 1,000-foot condition of the fake online restraining orders don’t make things any easier for me..."

D’oh!
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Welby, not so loud with that! You might give them ideas, they’ll concoct it and put it on the market! Shhhhh! Grrrrrrr.
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I know, good point.
But after posting my answer, I thought there are a lot of GIP (Guac-Infatuated People ) out there, so I started working on it.
I need the money. 

 

  Traitor. You’re now dead to me. 

:(