Discussion»Questions»Human Behavior» What's the best course of action when dealing with a bully, follow the rules and proper channels, or fight back and risk repercussions?
Some parents are stupid as s**t if they think that their child can just turn the other cheek and walk away. That sort of thing makes the whole bullying thing even worse. Kick some butt early on to get rid of that pain in the butt.
I agree with you then, but wouldn't call them stupid, no parent wants to see his kid involved in violence. But I agree with the jist of your answer. Thanks.
I think the best way to deal with bullying is to prevent it in the first place if you can. If you can't, you must intervene.
I remember educating my daughter to stand up for herself; that no one was better (or worse) than she was. She learned to be assertive at a young age and handled potential bullies pretty well.
As for my son? He was very quiet and shy and there was no stopping the kids that made his life a living hell. The first time he defended himself, he got suspended with the bully. That was enough for me to pull him out of that school and get him into a better place.
Bullying these days is no joke. Kids are armed with the Internet and really can push a vulnerable one to suicide.
It is a horrible thing. And by focusing on the bullies the schools get a free pass. With their "we are here to teach not to raise kids". Which I can understand too. Don't get me wrong. I think teachers put up and are expected to do a lot more than to teach. But when my kid comes home and he is suffering and doesn't want to go back. I could not care less about any of that.
That policy where we suspend a child that actually swings back is such a load of crap. I was happy to see my son finally stand up for himself, but the school didn't care about all that.
I once got suspended for smoking in the bathroom with the girls. My dad wisely told the school that suspending me would only give me a vacation. He convinced them to give me detention instead. LOL
Truth. I think of my own young years. I was raised to never lash back, being a girl. Like my son, I was very shy and quiet. Oh boy. Let's just say that it took a while for me to finally figure out on my own that I needed to "defend" myself. It was not an easy process. I would never recommend any child to just "turn the other cheek" or "ignore". Bullies want a rise out of you and will continue until they are stopped. Period.
There's nothing wrong with being shy and peace loving. There are many ways to resist and to make your position known. One of the worst times for my son was physical education, he was not very athletic and that's where he would be teased the most. He asked me if he had to go. I told him that if it meant that much to him, that he didn't, but he was going to deal with the consequences. He went and told the physical ed guy that he was not exercising or playing games any more. The teacher said that if didnt, he would have to run laps instead. He asked me about it and I asked him if he wanted me to go and deal with it. He said no. He did a whole semester running laps. At the end, the very last day of school, we talked about it and he said, "I won"
That's awesome and I think this is the best scenario if you can help your child turn things around themselves. But there are many scenarios they simply can't or should be expected to.
I understand, P. What worked for one may not work for another. My policy was to ask them straight up. Would you like me to take care of this for you. Usually they said no, sometimes they said yes. But I would be watchful either way. Do you know what I mean?
I do and I agree with your method. The worst thing you can do to a kid is hover over them and make them feel like they have zero skills to handle life. Having a dialogue first is very important indeed.
There is nothing wrong with wanting your child to be able to defend themselves. I would celebrate it too, just as long as they never become a bully themselves. Decent self esteem is the goal because it will usually keep them from being bullied or becoming a bully.
That's the thing these " just tell an adult" supporters fail to acknowledge. One, more often than not it's seen as a sign of weakness and gets the bully in trouble so they just kick it up a notch. Two, bullies rob kids of there pride and self worth and even if telling an adult does stop it, it doesn't do anything to help them take their confidence back. If anything it robs more from them and makes them less independent while not teaching them how to handle or deal with their problems themselves. It's such a flawed solution, if it really even is one. It doesn't empower them in any way.
You nailed this on every level! This is why this is such a difficult situation. I knew the only way it would end for my son was to get him out of that school and start fresh. He had special needs that were becoming evident at that point and there was no working with what we had.
These issues can and do carry through their adult years if they have any vulnerabilities.
I really don't understand why people say it is difficult. I tell my parent, I tell a teacher, if it doesn't work, I tell the principal, if that doesn't work, then I take care of it myself. I can't take of it, then I need to go somewhere else. Yes?
Depends on your self esteem and your ability to cope when this happens.
Some kids handle others like a champ. They dust themselves off and move on. Others become depressed and suicidal. I have had experience first hand with both types of children, so I believe I have a pretty broad scope on this issue.
I can only say that it needs attention if you see your child withdrawing and not wanting to go to school.
Zack 