Lago, it's a real challenge to not be too soft, nor be too tough. I have been on both sides of the coin and with age, I have better awareness of when I am just being defensive or being a bit of a push over.
I never thought that getting older could be a good thing, but it is if you had a painful childhood. Besides, I don't feel bad about wanting to be young at heart since I lost a lot back then.
Of course you shouldnt! About the.getting older thing, I don't know, as I make the turn past middle ageness, it feels like im just getting smarter without the.body to be.able to do anything with that smartness as it continues to remind me that ,"nope, can't do.that anymore". Besides that, it is not that bad. Oh and the hair. I wouldn't mind having that back.
Haha I remember when I started getting grey in my beard. One here , another the week after. I was able to stay on top of them for a while. Then one night I woke up, and I had like Ten! Eventually I said oh well, )
my mom treated my sister a little worse. I was 6 when she was born and from the day mom brought her home from the hospital she was saying, "This baby hates me." Come to find out, mom got pregnant before she and my step father got married and put that baby up for adoption. Then they got married and had four kids. My first sister didn't fare as well as I did, she has some mental issues, and is on heavy medication. Mom really messed her up. Her dad, my step father, showed preference towards her that he didn't show the rest of us. She would start an argument with me and I was the one who got beat with the belt over it. Seeing as how I was the only kid in the house who didn't belong to him, he tormented me. Mom didn't do much to stop him either.
Geezus...I too had a younger sister, but she was treated much better because she never rebelled. But you know, she was only 8 when my mother left. I was 5 and half years older and I was in my own world. Initially, I was the one with all the issues, but as I went into adulthood and got my shit together, my little sister collapsed. She is still in a very dark place and is very stuck in her pain. I had to put distance between us since her pain involved pulling me down with her. Kinda hard to get into details here, but as much as I love her, I understand that I can't fix her. I can only hope one day she makes it out on the other side and we can be sisters again.
I have a good relationship with my sisters and my brother. We fought a lot when we were little because that's all we knew. Now we are past it and are all good friends. I do worry about my one sister though. She's attempted suicide a couple of times and has been in the mental ward a few times because of that. my brother was the only boy and the youngest, he was the proverbial golden child. We tease him about that sometimes.
Suicide runs long and deep in my family. That could be a whole other discussion. I lost an uncle and a cousin to it. Depression is no stranger to me either, but I have a pretty good outlook to life now that I didn't have in earlier years.
I have a feeling my siblings and I will work out things in the end. They do have a good heart and hopefully have learned to not wait to the very end of life to show it like my mom did.
Depression, bipolar and addiction runs deep in mine. I haven't lost anyone to suicide, and for that I'm grateful. Mom has pushed most of us away from her. Two of my sisters have stopped talking to her, and so has my brother. She is 79 and has just got meaner over the years. She remembers everything everyone has ever 'done' to her but nothing anyone has ever done for her. She is still holding grudges against people she went to high school with. It's horrible what she's allowed herself to become.
My dad died last year and his sister buried him without telling anyone. Said it was what he wanted. I was his only child, he never remarried after him and my mom divorced. She didn't even tell their other brother. The last time I saw my dad was 2002 when his mom died. I was never very close to that side of my family. I was the only grandchild his parents had. Dad only had the one child, my uncle married a woman 12 years older than him. She already had kids and didn't want more. My aunt is gay so she never had kids. That set of grandparents were pretty much strangers to me. I would go visit sometimes, but never really felt comfortable in their house. It was my mom's mom that I was so close to. She was a great woman...all 4'11 inches of her. :)
My own daughter went through that with her dad and his family. I divorced him at age 26. He died damaged by alcohol and completely estranged from his family. If I write any more, I will cry. But you are not alone.
Some of us survive stuff that you can't make up. I wish we could...
I went to Canada last summer and finally saw the resting places of a father and son that both took their lives, one year apart. Both alcoholic, both bipolar. I sat there a long time in that spot with quiet tears. Most of my mom's siblings suffered the same thing she suffered with. She had so much sadness in her life.
One of my moms sisters is addicted to pain pills, one has had a nervous breakdown. Mom had 3 sisters and 4 brothers. One of my uncles has a bad drinking problem, he came back from Vietnam with that, so I'm going to blame it on that.
Everyone on my mother's side has struggled. My mom was 32 years sober when she died...something that gave her great pride. As for my siblings...I can only hope one day...
Some of the saddest legacies are the siblings that never learn to bond with each other. I think we were always pitted against each other in one way or another and it started when we all were very young. Even though we get along at times as adults, there are other times where one will stop speaking to another without warning. I reached a point where I basically said that I wouldn't walk on those eggshells.
Life is too short. I can't and won't chase down people that cannot express what is bothering them. My door is always open should things change, but I am not holding my breath or taking it personal anymore.
Sadly I can relate because it happens on my dad's side of the family. I lost my own brother to it and a cousin and also a grandfather and an aunt I'll never get to know.
Thank you. I had a rough childhood, but I survived. :) I like who I grew into. I am at peace with myself and I've learned how to handle tough situations.
...and that IS what matters. What we do with our lives in the end. My poor Mom really had abuses done to her that she never worked out, but at least she reached out to her children when her end was coming. I admire her for that much and it went a long way in forgiving her and not feeling so sorry for myself.
She shocked the heck out of me since she was cold and insulting right until she started to fail. But you know, I treasure those moments where she wanted to talk to me and tell me about what she went through. The stories weren't anything I had never heard before, but there was a softness to her that I had NEVER seen my entire life. I am grateful to have those last few weeks. It's a lot harder to grieve someone that never gave a shit.
Failing health can break even the most stubborn. I hope you get a little bit of closure. I took what little she had to give and ran with it in the end.
As I once was told by her closest friend before she died, "Honey, your mom can only give what was given to her." It helped me forgive a little girl that was born to a teenage mom...oldest of 13 and forced to live in poverty that I cannot imagine. Her own dad was a bad alcoholic that used to beat them on the command of her mother. My mom was sent away at 13 to be a nanny to a wealthy family living in Montreal. Out of all the abuses my mother endured, she never got over being sent away. Imagine that. Ironic that she would leave our family when I was just 13...
They can only give what they know. We can learn from them and hopefully be the ones to stop the madness with our own families. It's my life's mission.
Benedict Arnold 