Discussion » Questions » Human Behavior » How to go about domestic violence from a parent?
Baybreeze

How to go about domestic violence from a parent?

I'm an adult as well, and due to PTSD and anxiety have not had my own place; I'm living in a tough, sometimes volatile environment even though I do not want to. Have dealt with severe abuse my whole life, and tonight as I wondered why my mother always needed to be annoyed when i was HELPING her open a door, she literally went into a manic rage once again (she is nearly psychopathic, has BPD and manic).. saying STOP!!!!!!!!!! , screaming this 10 times, about to throw a bottle at me, then stopped and screamed 'I want to kill you, I want to kill you, I want a gun.' I don't know whether to report this threat to the police :/ She has said that once before a few yrs. ago and I did not report her, but she needs mental help Now. Do you just let it go yet again b/c it is part of a manic rage/illness ??  (anyone saying just 'get out' might not be as helpful for me, as I do not have the means currently.. )

Posted - January 28, 2017
Tags : None

Responses


  • 283
    First off, if you have a friend you can spend the night with tonight, I suggest you do that. If you report her to police, she may become more volatile. Since I don't know where you live or the laws there, since she didn't throw the bottle, and if she didn't hit you there may not be anything they can do, except ask if they can take you somewhere. Unless the house/lease is in your name and then they may ask if you want your mom to forced to leave.

    If she did assault you in some way, they may take her to jail, but then they will tell you have her move out and file a restraining order, but if the house/lease is in her name you will have to move.

    If your PTSD is military related, then contact the VA, or Wounded Warrior or some of the other organizations out there to see if they can help you find safe housing. If it isn't military related, talk to social services.
      January 28, 2017 6:34 PM MST
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  • 1138
    Thanks for taking the time to reply Gator *huggg. Well, I know that once a therapist said to me, 'saying I'm going to kill you is a threat and you could surely go to police.' But, I'm unsure what they'd 'do'. She gets away with yet Again, yelling, bullying, screaming and threatening me with no repurcussions. I guess there has to be some form of actual 'hitting' for arrest? It's strange, b/c I could have reported my alcoholic father last year when he repeatedly hit me after one of her rages, yet I didn't. I don't even feel I have any rights to my own life , joy or love :/  I thank you for all your info G...
      January 28, 2017 6:42 PM MST
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  • 7939
    Go to a domestic violence shelter in your area. There are lots of places that cater to women. They may be able to help you with housing, job skills, and other needs. Equally, you could probably rent a room in someone's home fairly cheap. I know you say you don't have money, but you can probably find one for a few hundred dollars per month. Just shop around until you find the right place. Equally, maybe you can change jobs and find a live-in nanny, caregiver, or housekeeper position. Don't breathe a word of it to anyone. When you have a job or new home lined up, you can tell them after you've gotten your things out of the house.

    You can report them to the police, but that isn't going to change anything. The only way they'd change is if they wanted to get help. They don't. Please, get out of there. It's a toxic environment and you deserve better. The only way to improve the situation is to remove yourself from it.
      January 28, 2017 7:16 PM MST
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  • 1138
    Thank you friend. Truly appreciate your thoughts. Even the rooms for rent in MA are so expensive :( I will look further though, but its daunting.. I have no one once I leave to ever help me if I need it. And I KNOW i need to cut contact with both of them .... I was just researching a threat to harm or kill someone and it says it can be reported to police b/c it is a felony of harassment. I just know it is b/c of her illness she said it, but how long do I keep letting awful threatening remarks like that go?? Ty so much again to say I do deserve better...
      January 28, 2017 7:23 PM MST
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  • 5808
    don't doubt yourself in this. Take JAs advice.
    Once you take a few steps in your new direction
    everything will change and things will fall into place
    and open up for you.
      January 28, 2017 8:23 PM MST
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  • 1138
    Thx Baba... *hug. I'm just scared :(  Once I do cut ties, leave, I have no one to help me if I needed. It's really jsut me. All my friends, they have parents who love and support them when they've moved out/helped them financially. My 'dad' said he'd help me sometimes, but this is someone who has lied to my face and recently assaulted me.. how can I stay ties with someone like that??? Ty so much for you r positive words
      January 28, 2017 8:37 PM MST
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  • 22891
    i would go stay in a shelter, also, resorts take in the homeless, i know cause i used to work in those places and would see them doing that
      January 28, 2017 8:14 PM MST
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  • 17601
    Has she actually had a BPD diagnosis?  Is she on med?  I have lived with someone with this diagnosis and violence is not just possible, it's probable.  Call the polilce.  You are in danger.  They will take her for a 72 hour observation which she will not get out of until she is stabilized and on medication.  I'm so sorry.  Are you her go to guilty person...........the one responsible for everything that goes wrong and the one who hides her stuff and that kind of thing?  Remember for your mom her world is pure chaos and when she can stand it no longer is when she might try to hurt you.  Please take care.  I pray for your family. 
      January 29, 2017 1:09 AM MST
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