Listen, how much money do you want for that tilde? I'll pay the going rate . . .

Hey, you stiffed me with knock-off umlauts from Hong Kong the last time I dealt with you, and I can't shake the suspicion that you were wearing a wire!    Who are you working for?

~ This post was edited by Randy D at February 1, 2017 7:18 AM MST

It's a fair cop, Randy. The feebies made me do it. Said they were going to tell the vice squad I was marketing umlauts to school kids. Sorry, man. 

So I'm the fall-guy in this whole scheme, is that it?  Grrrrrrr!

(Balckmail, blackmail)

Noooooooo!

No, no blackmail. I won't let go of it. It's mine.

Dime-a-dozen, lady, dime-a-dozen. 

You're out of my Will. 
Grrrr. 

That will be for third time. What's in this bloddy will of yours anyway (and don't say 'the gift of good grammar' and a pat on the back).

I've written you into it and out of it so many times that from now on, I'm just going to have your name listed in Vel-Cro. 
That way, I can rip you out of there the next time you slip up. 

Watch your step, Lady. 
~

Family heirloom, huh?  I'll tell you what: give it to me and I'll take it in for cleaning and appraisal. I'll have it back to you in a couple of weeks. 

Sorry, Slick. I didn't just fall of a turnip truck, you know.

My late grandfather was the Finance Minister for a small but ruby-rich nation somewhere else in the world, and he left me a fortune in the vault of the national banking system there. It's equivalent to $1.37 million US currency. I can't access the funds because of a bloody coup that left deep divisions among the people there, but if you could assist me with the international banking fee of $15,000 to complete the wire transfer, applicable taxes, handling costs and duties, I can't guarantee you a four-fold return of $60,000 US, plus an extra $10,000 in gold jewelry.  I'll just need your bank account number, routing number, passwords, social security number, blood type, a recent photo spread of everything in your underwear drawer, bank balances, copy of your birth certificate, your retina scan, a recording of your voice reciting passages from the tax code, and a blank cashier's check made out in the name I'm about to give you . . .


No, no, I have no Nigerian heritage. Why do you ask?
~

I'd like to help, but I don't have $15K readily available. I can get you about $11K, but I don't suppose that would be enough.

It's a good start, so I'll take the $11,000.  You are willing to work the rest of it off in trade, right?


~

Hey, I know you!  You're my uncle who got his assets seized and needs money to get his bank account unfrozen!

Any luck getting one of my cousins to help you out yet?

Ok, folks, who squealed?  Livvie, you weren't supposed to know anything about this!  Wait, I thought you got disowned by the entire family years ago!

~

Only S&H Green Stamps. 
~