Were you the favorite of your parents, or was it one of your siblings? How did that work out?

I was more fortunate than many.  My brothers and sister made the difference after our parents died. They kept me out of trouble. The boys in HS wouldn't even look my way once they found out who I was...Haha  They all respected and had fear of my big brothers.. :)

What makes you the person you are is that you recognize that blessing.  I don't doubt that makes you a wonderful mother yourself.  

Awe thanks Peas!  I do try.  :)

That's alright Super! You're lucky to have them.
)

Thanks Lago!  :) 

It is such a strange thing this favoritism thing.
In my case, I do favor my daughter because she is fearless and because of her compassionate nature. But that makes her impulsive and sometimes she acts without enough forethought.
My middle kid is more serious and stubborn and opinionated and annoying. . . Sometimes. ... so, in things that require seriousness and follow thru ness, I trust him more. Thinking about what you just said made me.realise that I don't.recognise that in him as much as I should. Maybe that was the.case with your parents , you know?
I can identify with the sibling estrangement part.
It's the same with my siblings.
Thanks Peapod. I appreciate your sharing.

I think we all favor certain aspects of each of our kids.  I have two of my own.

Unfortunately for me growing up, my parents really played us siblings against each other.  I was my dad's "favorite" at times, but that often switched around.  My mother made no bones about me being "difficult"and vocalized that to both my brother and sister.  

In the end, I think I worked the hardest to bring stability into my life.  My mother also "grew up" before she died and we found a bond with each other we never had.  My siblings weren't used to that one.  I dunno.  I keep trying to understand how so much resentment came into play after my parents died considering I was far from the golden child.

The kindest thing we can do as parents is to bring the best out of each child we have and teach them to love and care for their siblings.  Siblings often outlive parents and it's real sad when you don't have them when you could.

I'm glad you guys found a way to reconcile before she went. I think you would have regretted not being able to. I was lucky in that respect also. After many years me and my mother were able to to start talking again and although every now and then things pop up here and there, somehow I don't see them as important as I used to. I'm sure she feels the same way about me. 
I think you're right on, with your last sentence. 

It really was very lucky to have had the opportunity to make peace with her and I think she also needed that before she passed.

I'm glad you also have also had the same opportunity.  And how right you are that so many things that used to bother us when we were younger  just don't matter when you get older.  


 

I had to also add that I was a middle child and the way you describe yours, I think my mother would have used the same words.  In the end, she knew I was the one she could trust and told me so.

Sometimes our most "difficult" child turns out to have qualities that really count in the end because they often have to work a little harder at getting what they need in life.  

Awww.  I am sure he appreciates that, even in a light hearted moment.  My mother had a funny side to her too and we both were able to poke fun at how we always dealt with each other.  

That was very cleverly stated. Very sad, but also very clever. It took me a minute to get it. One of those things you go. . .
"hey that's pretty good...oh...wait a minute"
You know what I mean?
Thanks Tom.

Thanks, Lago.

And it was tragic, but I have managed to overcome it.

I am 71.  About 5 years ago my counselor at the time (after having gone to him for a year or so) commented that I had recovered from all the bad effects of my childhood.

Life has been onward and upward ever since.

And of course, "what doesn't kill you makes you strong."   I deserved better; but I am the product of everything that I have experienced, and I very much like what I am---and so do my wife and our children.

And I was able to "stop the cycle."  My oldest boy asked about 25 years ago to tell me the names of the books that I had read in order to raise him the way I did.  (He knew about my struggles.)

Only five years ago!
Sounds like such a long time to deal with something that took so little.
As I read the answers, and as I talk to other people, it seems that unhappy childhoods are so common, that make the happy ones seem the rarity. Maybe they are.
Do you know what I mean?
Thank you for sharing your story Tom. I think it makes us a little bit more understanding of each other when we know where the other guy comes gone from.
Thanks again Tom.

You're quite welcome, Lago.

John Elliot Bradshaw (June 29, 1933 – May 8, 2016) was an American educator, counselor, motivational speaker, and author who hosted a number of PBS television programs on topics such as addiction, recovery, codependency, and spirituality. Bradshaw was active in the self-help movement, and was credited with popularizing such ideas as the "wounded inner child" and the dysfunctional family. In promotional materials, interviews, and reviews of his work, he was often referred to as a theologian
  

I read a lot of his material and listened to his PBS programs dealing with the dysfunctional family and the wounded inner child."  

Very enlightening.

He once made a comment that he counseled a 65 year old women who had just overcome (effectively) the results of sexual abuse when she was a child.

He remarked that on the one hand that it was terrible that she wasn't able to do so sooner, but on the other, it was infinitely better than not having done so until she was 66.

That remark is spot on, and it is so true for me as well.

Regards,

I was thinking the other day about how sure I was about my convictions of ten years ago. And how silly they seem now. Back then I was sure I was over every childhood inconvenience. 
I wonder if ten years from now I'll feel the same way about the way I feel today.
I thohjt that maybe we don't ever get there, that all we do is getting a little closer, to being alright.
You know what I mean?
Thanks for writing Tom.

Yes.

And change is a law of being, and it is something---change---that we should not try to accomplish as soon as possible.  The process itself adds to the final effect.