Ahh I could write a book :( All my kids were bullied.. my daughter even more so and she is currently out of school because she was bullied pretty much non stop at her high school, ( we call it secondary school) and the school knew but bullying was so endemic that I don;t think they knew where to begin.. they COULD have dealt with it by having a zero tolerance but they prefered to try to blame the victim...
SO I have told my daughter loads about bullies and bullying... I've made sure she knows it isn't right, it isn't ok.. it isn't acceptable.. its WRONG... I have told her that she should not let them make her feel bad, sadly that hasn't worked as non stop bullying makes anyone lose their self esteem...
I've told her I would not blame her if she hit back.. she won't as she believes that two wrongs don't make a right...
My son is on the high end of the autism spectrum and he took a lot of abuse for his poor social skills. This is when I think adults have to intervene. Ideally, we want to give them tools to handle just about anyone in life, but some kids can't handle what others can.
I inevitably pulled my son out of a school when the bullying escalated to physical violence. He finally swung back and got suspended with the perpetrator. That was enough for me.
If we can't teach our kids that it's OK to defend themselves, they take on abuse that can really shape their self esteem.
I hate that Americans have bastardized yet another English word by over and extended use. I don't use the word bully at all now that the wussy American society attached that word to aggressive people. Being aggressive is a positive personality trait. Being violent is not. Americans seem to no longer know the difference.
Not sure I agree with you there thrifty, "being aggressive is a positive personality trait" being assertive can be positive, but aggressive not really.. cite... ADJECTIVE 1. quarrelsome or belligerent - so being quarrelsome and belligerent is a good thing? You may feel differently to me on that one. I can be as belligerent as is needed, and I can take on people who are aggressive.. and I DO, Indeed it's kinda what I do.. I stand up to them cos I know not everyone can... but I would never ever pretend it's a positive thing to be belligerent .. Aggression to me implies selfishness, an imposing one's will on others, to me that's not nice behaviour and personally I think that's one of the things that's wrong with the world - people are now so much more selfish, arrogant and aggressive.. Standards have slipped not improved. I know you will feel differently of course..
When my son was in school and was bullied I told him that they are like that because they must have a very bad home life and not treated very well so they take it out on others. I told him to ignore them unless they put their hands on him. Then know them out.
I have no kids ..... But i did once slap a girl in a library and fill a girls shoes with rocks behind a portable and dump them on her headin grade five . was having a bad year at home... so I would say that bully probably in more pain than you are .... But still she needs get punched in the throat to smarten up.... Cos. I was only a bully for 6 months-ish so it's fine :)
I explained a few things to both my kids when they were young.
I told them that I would not tolerate them bullying others; that their actions could have far reaching consequences to a someone that they didn't understand.
I also told them that they could come to me anytime they felt bullied; that they could share all their feelings with me. If I felt like it was affecting their well being, I would intervene. Sometimes these things can't be worked out without adults getting involved.
Benedict Arnold 