A few friends have lately been quite rude and snarky to me, simply because I didn't make it to one or two hangouts last year.. they still bring it up and I've ignored these remarks, but they are going soon to the ocean and have said things like, 'guess see you in 6 months' or 'the best friends will go'.. it made me nearly tear up , when i've only been kind and jovial with them, and attend other hangouts. Do I say how it made me feel, (low, dumb, weak) or just cut contact? They have said things like this a few times now and I've not addressed it, b/c I'm starting to think, they don't care obviously, at all how I feel. Some have told me to not remain friends w/them, but do I say something first, or just cut contact ?
You could take it as a complement - like they must of really missed you at the hang outs you didn't go to so they keeping bringing it up so you won;t miss the next ones. Cheers!
I guess. but it surely makes one feel low, when a friend says the three best friends will go (excluding you) ... :/ Making it seem like they know what you will or will not do... maybe , 'maybe' they missed me, but to keep making me feel bad b/c I didn't go ?
They don't sound nice ... it's a different thing to say they missed you not going with them or similar ... I think you need some more mature people to hang out with
Sounds like they are baiting you.
I would let them know you could not attend and don't appreciate the comments and would have rather spent time with them but could not. (if that is true).
Anyway I would let them know you don't appreciate the constant comments.
If they don't like it then maybe time to move on.
Well, I did 'X' out my name from the live convo we have (about little things, or upcoming get together) online.. no one asked me why I did leave .... I thought maybe they'd ask, but have not... I feel if I say, 'all the comments you've made made me feel so low' they'll just justify it with, 'you didn't come.. etc'.... or more negative things :( I guess I could mention it once.. ty deaves
I know:./ so would u bring it up, how I've felt, or simply move on ?
Speak up, they may just be giving you a hard time without realizing it hurt your feelings. Some of my best friends and I go back and forth with sarcasm and snark a lot, but we know the other isn't sensitive to it, we tested those waters first.
And if it bothers you, there's nothing wrong with that, but you should tell them. You can't expect them to just know. Tell them you'd like to come to all the hangouts, but don't always have that ability. But if they genuinely begrudge you for it, it doesn't exactly making hanging out with them more appealing.
If they feign ignorance and pretend like they haven't slightest clue what you're referring to... then consider finding some new friends.
Thanks Fork.. I think they do know that would hurt me... I never say snide remarks to them. I might joke , but never, 'only the best friends will go' or things that would genuinely be quite hurtful. I think they just don't care. I have told them I couldn't make it for a very specific reason last year, and they still are being snarky about it... I just want to say today, (they are making plans again for a ocean day)... 'I wanted to come this time, but all these comments make it very hard for me to feel that it would be nice/fun.' Ty for your insights ... I appreciate your time :)
I'm a bit hard headed when it comes to bad behaviour .. mistakes I'll forgive, but if it's on going ... My thoughts are if you bring it up they'll just accuse you of being a wuss or something similar ... i don't think you can make them see how they are acting badly as that seems to be normal for then... you know then, I don't ... I'd just walk, otherwise your giving them permission to treat you badly... but have a think before you do anything .. good luck
Yeah, you know them better than I do. If you think they're trying to hurt you, that's a problem that negates healthy friendship, any relationship really.
That's best, just tell them how you feel about it. No sense in going to hangout and being frustrated the whole time, that's not fun for anyone. Once you've told them how uncomfortable all this has made you, if they're real friends, they'll make it right.
If they're truly your friends .. you should be able to tell them how they're making you feel. Not sure why you would want people in your life who are rude and snarky to you though. Sounds like you're a bit of a doormat.
Sucker punch one of them in the stomach and point at them saying, "This is what happens."
I thought by ignoring them completely they'd 'get' by inference , I wasn't liking or enjoying the comments (online) they've made. But they continued to make them over time ... so now, I either can say 'wow thx so much for always making me feel low over hanging out.. hope all the 'best' friends have fun on ur next hangout' .. or, simply not, and move on. Someone pointed out to me, how likely are ppl who are doing this to say, 'oh ur right, sorry'... In my opinion, no tlikely. They Never used to be like this. I've known them for many years. That's why its a bit sad...well, it just doesn't feel nice anymore... thanks again L, surely no one wants to be a door mat. I like your avatar by the way:)
Lol.. oh man. Well I'd have to be in the same vicinity, and I don't even know if I'll be saying anything or just going my own way after so many snarky comments :/ Ty char ..
Some people don't take hints. Friends should be able to be honest about their feelings with each other. I think you deserve better "friends" in your life than them. Sometimes people change and we outgrow who we once thought were our friends. Good Luck!
ty so much Ozgirl... I am thinking of simply taking my name off o fthe feeds of social media we share.. not to 'unfriend' per se, but just from groups we are all in... to show, 'I'm not a part of this, a part of shaming someone or putting them down..' Hugg
Thx again for all your views and time. Yeah they surely haven't felt friendly... and I've always loved hanging out before with them :/ I just feel if I did say something , to people who obviously do no tcare how I feel now, that they'd retort back, and I have felt enough anxiety .... I'm a constant people pleaser and will think of the ways they are 'right' even if I've done nothing wrong, and have been nothing but kind and friendly w/them. I'll ruminate and I Do NOT want to do that :( So it's like, yes I could 'let them know' but what would it do? I'm not sure.. they have continued to be snarky over the last m onth, not just once. I think I'll just give it some time... but I do agree in most instances, you should say if you feel badly within a friendship/relationship.. ty again L :)
That's ok :) ... for me, is rather be alone than be in an abusive relationship ... Friends or lover... there's such a thing as pride .. hugs back
They don't sound like friends to me, sorry.
Yeah it sure does not feel like friends... making me feel so low, for not attending two hang outs? When I go to several others... I just am unsure if I say something about how low I've felt, or say nothing and slowly move away from the 'friendship'.. :/
I've had a tendency to cut the chord quickly from relationships I decided were not worth my time. I guess you've got to decide if you would rather settle for superficial friendships or if you'd rather be alone... There's something to be gained from just having regular contact with people. If that's enough for you, and you don't need stimulation on a deeper level in order to feel like your time is well spent, I'd say try to just enjoy the time in their presence. Otherwise, welcome to Island Life. It's hard to find true friends and easy to get lost in isolation.
Yes I agree.. I have felt low a few times now jsut reading their snarky comments about when or not I come etc.. and I've NEVER been rude to them... :/ So do I say something, or just let itgo/walk away? Overall I want to walk away.. if I have to actually 'say' why on earth I'm so sad, that in itself makes me sad, b/c they didn't give a shit how I fel t to say those things :( Ty so much for your tiem lovely...
Agree!
Ty Jeep.. so you would just kind of 'walk away'.. ? I 'd like to say something but, I know i t may end in someone just defending teh snarky comment :(
