Discussion » Questions » Death and Dying » Losing a parent is always hard. But it's a lot harder when you're 13 than it is when you're 65! At 65 your demise is much closer. Isn't it?
RosieG

Losing a parent is always hard. But it's a lot harder when you're 13 than it is when you're 65! At 65 your demise is much closer. Isn't it?

I would think one's age at the loss of a parent definitely impacts how you take it. Or should. What do you think and why? I understand falling apart and being inconsolable if you're a child.  But if you are old too? You've had time to get familiar with the idea of the inescapable fact that we will all die. My sister was 13 when our  dad died. Her despair was more than mine though mine lasted six months. I was in my early 20's. I took it very hard. For six months. I'd cry whenever I saw a family who had a dad. I couldn't control it. Then I had a dream about him. A beautiful dream. It comforted me a great deal and I guess I just snapped out of it . He died in January of 1960 and I still miss him every day and always will I expect. But  the pain has long since gone away. I know one day I will be traveling that same exact path. We all do. I hope how I die is as peaceful and  pain-free as how he died.

Posted - May 15, 2017
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Responses


  • 22891
    ive lost both parents myself and i cant imagine what it would be like to lose them as a child, when i lost them i was an adult
      May 15, 2017 1:37 PM MDT
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  • 113301
    It was very hard for my sister.  She was just 13 and she and my dad were quite close. Thank you for your reply pearl! :)
      May 17, 2017 6:02 AM MDT
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  • I agree...Losing a parent(s) at an early age is rough on a kid. Thankfully, that never happened to me when I was young.   I know that some may not agree with me, but being a child of divorced parents can be equally, or more devastating. Especially if the divorce is bitter and drawn out.   That...I endured.  A kid's brain can only take so much. At least with death, it's a sense of los where the sharp edges soften with time and the help & support  of loved ones. With divorce, no one wins and the turmoil can endure until someone dies which then makes it so much worse. This post was edited by Benedict Arnold at May 17, 2017 6:02 AM MDT
      May 15, 2017 1:45 PM MDT
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  • 113301
    I think divorce must be terribly hard on kids whether they show it or not. Our parents stuck together so we never had to experience that kind of loss. Thank you for your thoughtful reply JG and Happy Wednesday to thee! :)
      May 17, 2017 6:03 AM MDT
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  • 6477
    I am sure it is harder when you lose a parent as a kid.. I had a friend when I was at school whose dad died.. we ALL felt sorry for her and were told, or just knew, to treat her gently after that.. as she had no dad.... 

    I lost my mum when I was in my 40s.. it was hideous.. we had a terrible relationship, she was very abusive to me as a child and as a child I truly thought I wouldnt care if she died.. but when she did die.. i was devastated... i felt like an orphan... which is illogical but that's how I felt...  

    My sister was never the same and she's just a year older than me.. but was close to my mum and they had a normal relationship...

    I think, to answer your question... it's hard to say whether it's worse to lose a parent as a kid.. I suspect it is.. but  I really don't know
      May 15, 2017 3:22 PM MDT
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  • 113301
    Not remotely illogical. When your parents are gone you ARE an orphan. You are also forever after no one's kid so you're an adult too. . My sis was 13 and when daddy died it was so terribly hard for her. They were very close. I had married by then but I was a mess for about 6 months. If your parent is beloved it's harder I think. But the loss of anyone close takes a toll for sure. Thank you for your thoughtful and very personal reply Addb and Happy Wednesday to thee! :)
      May 17, 2017 6:07 AM MDT
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  • 124
    Good question Rosie, but difficult to answer.  I should imagine losing a parent as a child would be very difficult because you are extremely dependent on them, and cannot imagine life without them. Where as in adulthood you have experienced a bit more of death, and how life can deal hard blows. I don't know I think for most people who love and get on with their parents, it's always going to be painful because your mum's your mum, and your dads your dad, and as an adult you have all those memories right from childhood. 

    Judas Goat makes a very good point, my cousin's partner left and had nothing to do with his son, and this has affected him profoundly because it is a rejection, they don't want you, they are still alive but are choosing to have nothing to do with you.

    I have both my parents, but I don't see them very often because we do not get along, I'd like to see them but history tells me that I will be pulled into the drama and I had enough of that as a child. When my Grandfather died, I was devastated, because I'd taken for granted that he would always be here, and then within a few months cancer reduced him to a desperately thin man lying in a hospital bed, which angered me because he deserved better than that, he'd been a soldier in world war II for crying out loud. When he died I felt cheated that he'd been taken from me.  I was so upset because I felt I'd never had enough time with him, and then I realised there would never of been enough time even if he'd lived until he was in his nineties. I still miss him today, there are just so many things I would have liked to of asked him and will never be able to. This post was edited by Pepper Pot at May 17, 2017 3:17 PM MDT
      May 15, 2017 5:01 PM MDT
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  • 113301
    This is a very beautiful and touching exposition PepperP. Thank you for taking the time to answer my question so poetically. Yes. I think you are a poet. Families are not all alike. Some get closer with time and some don't. There are ties/memories that exist that will always exist till we die even if we are estranged. I've always admired those families that stay close. I honestly wonder how they do it. But what we do is remember the good times, even if they are very few. I do think humans tend to remember happy times more than unhappy. I know I do and I think I'm very typical. When my dad died my 13-year-old sister cried out in her sleep.."but who is going to walk me down the aisle?" It broke my heart then and still does. We all huddled together that night and my sister was the only one who slept. There was my mom, me, my husband, my aunt and uncle and my grandmother. We were at her house, two blocks away. I took my dad's death very hard and for six months I was a mess. I was in my early 20's. My dad died in 1960 and I still miss him every day but there is no pain. And I, like you, would cherish having just one more day with my dad so I could ask all the questions I never did when he was alive. Hindsight sucks doesn't it?  Thank you for the compliment as well and Happy Wednesday to thee m'dear! :)
      May 17, 2017 6:01 AM MDT
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  • 124
    Your reply, got me choked, I can relate to it. Happy Wednesday to you too Rosie :)
      May 17, 2017 11:05 AM MDT
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