What is a laid back mind- set for dating?

I'd say.. go for friends.. or friends and see as it's sometimes called.. you can start off as friends, with no thought or plan for more.. if you fall for each other then that's great but if not you still have a lovely friend.. 

You didn't mention dating sites.. I have been around those.. and unfortunately many men are just looking for sex - not saying there's anything wrong with that just it' s a sure fire way to break your heart if you are looking for more and they have no intention of more than a roll in the hay and bye bye.. 

I'd say fun dating is just enjoying a man's company and just letting what happens happen

Why do you think a lack of confidence is a turn off for someone.  I think it is refreshing, a lot of men are overconfident.  Many women do not like it at all. 
Be yourself and relax.  

I've been the same way. Between my past and the fact that I almost never leave my home and interact with people IRL, dating has always given me anxiety. In fact, I've never really done it. Every relationship I've ever had was with someone I knew for an extended period of time beforehand- like a year or more. The idea of actually dating did not appeal at all to me.

So, from my personal experience, I'd say you should try to meet friends first. Find a Meetup group or something where you can get comfortable in social settings. You may wind up making some good friends or meet someone there with a similar interest and then the ice breaking is already done.

I'm also the ultimate snoop. As soon as I have a guy's name, I start playing detective online. This, I mostly do for my own comfort. You and I have similar histories, so I think you probably understand why I do that. I won't meet someone I don't feel 100% safe with, which means I almost never meet someone in person.

That brings me to the other thing- online. Online dating is not bad. It gives you a chance to get to know someone really well before you meet. If a guy is only interested in sex, you'll probably be able to tell. And, certain sites tend to attract more serious daters. Plenty of Fish is all over the place, but I met a really cool guy there who became a good friend of mine. I had a "friends-only" profile there before I actually tried dating. Meeting him was really cool because we found we had a lot in common-  it was the first time I've ever felt comfortable just laying everything on the line and saying "This is me. This is what I do. This is how I am." You know, it's hard not to put a front up, and that's kind of what I was doing. I either wanted to not let people in or I tried to be as bland as possible to blend in. So, making that first connection was really awesome. Even just as a friend, to have someone see how you are and jump in with "me too" and be totally comfortable- that was a huge step for me. After making that connection, I felt like I could actually start looking.

I think eHarmony sucks. Their algorithm gave me crappy matches. People I had nothing in common with, but they were all legit guys who wanted to date, not just have sex. I really liked OKCupid. With them, you can answer questions and see who has answers that are like yours. That also helps weed out the people who aren't like you. I met some really awesome people that way. I got matched with an actor and a niche-oriented talk show host... both were legit. Very creative minds and I loved talking to them, but they were far away and wouldn't have been a good fit. I met a few others that way who were average people and had some great similarities. Good conversations.

All that said, I wound up on a site for parents that didn't have any of the bells and whistles with matching and such and one of the first people I came across was an artist/ art teacher. I don't know what it was about him, but his profile talked about his kids, being positive, his love of culture, and how he was working on his PhD. I was instantly at ease with him. I reverse image searched him and found all his social media profiles and got his name (yeah, I'm dangerous). I read a bunch of news articles about him where his students said he had inspired them- they'd gone on to college because he encouraged them, gotten scholarships, and won awards for their own art. Normally, when guys ask for my number, it's a solid "no," but I was really eager to talk to him and learn more. When guys ask me out, I usually blow them off, especially if it's early into the discussion. The day after we started talking, he asked me to meet him that week. I didn't even hesitate a little. It was my first "date" ever in my whole entire life and I was nervous as all get-out. I had to take stomach medicine because my insides were a wreck from nerves. My hands were shaking. I cannot even begin to explain the degree to which I was petrified about the actual date- not him- he was wonderful- but the worry that I somehow wouldn't measure up for this cultured and well-educated artist who practically qualifies for sainthood when I'm just me... Ugh. I was practically waiting for the rejection.  When we finally sat down for dinner and I got to talk to him and look in his eyes, the poor guy was just as terrified as me. He was certain I'd reject him too. But, seeing his anxiety over it all, I felt so much better.

Anyway, the moral of the story is that whoever you date will probably be just as nervous as you are. Also, don't discount dating sites, but do read between the lines in the messages you get. You'll wind up with hundreds of messages to sort through and you can afford to be picky. Don't settle. Sure, chat with people. Get to know different personalities and learn what different people are about, but don't worry about the rejection. Anyone who doesn't fall head over heals for you is not the one, and them leaving your life leaves a space for the right person to find you. When the right one comes along, you will know it. I have spent my life trying to make things work with men who I loved, but weren't right. And, some part of me knew that, but I also thought that you can love anyone and make any relationship work. Maybe the latter part is still true, but I'm telling you, any date you go on is nothing more than a rehearsal, so that you know the right one when he comes. 

I'd just add that dating sites are definitely not all bad.. I've met erm a LOT of people... a lot, lot lol.. and I never met anyone who wasn't nice.. Like JA i never, ever met anyone unless I felt safe.. and for some people I never met them at all because i had a bad feeling... but you have to be a lot more careful as people, men and women, can and do lie, and there are more dangers physically so you have to be cautious and take precautions.. 

I met a lot of cool people, some who weren't right for me but remained friends...and that's a wonderful thing. I also met two men I loved, one of whom was, I feel my soul mate, I met many more who might have, could have, maybe have been but weren't. I would say that one of the problems I found, is that dating sites tend to perpetuate the myth that the grass is always greener... as in a lot who use them don't stop looking even when they have found someone... and that happened to me, and others found the same...Not saying all... but it's a dating site phenomenon to watch out for.. Sometimes too I feel, and it's just observation and opinion, that dating sites, can encourage many shorter relationships - perhaps connected with the people keep looking for the next best thing.. Just thinking aloud there tho.

Farting on the first date.

That seems pretty normal.  But I don't think we can "plan" or "schedule" "fun". In a relationship that happens with someone whose company we enjoy once we get with him.  Of course we can  engage in activities that we have "fun" doing and meet people through them.  I think best just to do what we are comfortable with but we do have to put ourselves out there whatever.  But if you are not getting on with someone no reason to continue.  If you are then we feel more comfortable taking it further. "Laid-back" to me is something we can only develop with experience.  But its a matter of do we want love and pleasure and security?  Of course we do and those are monumental enough concepts to always keep us at least a bit on edge.