Discussion»Questions»Human Behavior» When in doubt do you pause and take your time to reflect on what to do or do you just DO whatever and let what happens happen? Why?
Great question R. I doubt myself SO much, in many things :( Even just yesterday I sent a message to the woman I help in child care and confronted her on low hours that she keeps giving me... I was upfront but still doubt myself this morning, 'Should I have said that?' , 'Should I have kept that part in..?' etc. I rarely do whatever and let what happens , happen. Only because I was brought up in extreme chaos and every thing I did was monitored; if I didn't do something 'perfect' literally, you'd be hit, screamed at etc. So it led me into adulthood even, that I question everything, if its right, if I need to do it, blah blah and it has more hindered me than helped. I haven't even dated in my life because I doubt what a guy would feel for me after knowing the abuse I had and what it did. So I think one should in general (if they mean no harm) NOT doubt themselves but still put thought into their actions, words etc. Thank you for your thought provoking questions :)
Wow Bb! This reply is so much more valuable/substantive than the question that triggered it! First of all I feel so bad for the childhood you had and the damage it has done to your self-esteem and confidence. Children are so very vulnerable. My sis and I grew up with a dad who told us we could do anything in the world we wanted to do if were willing to work hard and follow through. He adored us. There was no doubt about that. Our mom loved us and did her best but she was basically an unhappy person while my dad exuded joy and happiness. Fortunately for us we take after him and he was enough to mitigate any negative impact mom might have had. Doesn't sound as if you had anyone to tell you that you were wonderful as you were. Kids need that. You are articulate and lively and I'll betcha you'd be a great catch for someone. I hope one day you can find a way to take a chance with someone. I don't know if there is a soulmate out there for you but I'm SURE there is someone out there who would appreciate you and comfort you as would comfort and appreciate in return. Timing is everything. Being ready for whatever may happen is important. Maybe one day you'll be ready and meet someone who is right for you. If not you can be happy living the single life. I was for many years. I just want you to realize how much you are and try to minimize/ignore those voices that tell you you're not good enough. You are. Thank you for the lovely compliments but actually my questions are lifeless unless/until someone gives an answer that gives purpose/meaning to them. You just did that for which I thank you! Happy Sunday to thee Bb! :) Hugs to thee. ((hugs))
This post was edited by RosieG at June 18, 2017 5:48 AM MDT
Awww *huggs. Thank you Rosie, that was so uplifting and kind of you. I'm so glad you had such kind and loving parents, they did a good job :) Your spirit is seen here shining through. That was really caring of you to say that I AM good just as I am. Also the part that said to minimize and ignore those voices that say I'm not good enough. Nevermind did they not say ever, if I was 'wonderful' but they chastised, berated, and mocked me in excess.... I am working at actually cuttin ALL ties from them, but it is scary b/c going out to get 'my' own place (I felt there was no 'my' or 'me' b/c of the trauma) will be kind of lonesome... I have no other family member to ever rely on financially or emotionally. So that is why I haven't cut them out but NEED to for my joy or sanity:/ I want to date so badly yet still clam up if guys come around me or ask me out for fear that they'd ditch me b/c I'm really not someone who 'is ready for whatever may happen' like you said. I have anxiety about travel and certain places, or even someone becomeing too close emotionally to me/smothering, so I just decline anyone ... it is painful b/c I don't WANT to do that, but trying to eliminate all this trauma and self doubt has been taking a bit of time:/ Thanks for saying that there is someone out there who would enjoy me.. that meant a lot. I wish you a wonderful weekend Rosie and keep up those great questions :)
Baybreeze 