Can you be as happy/content on your own or is it easier for you to be happy when you're not alone? Are you afraid to be alone? Why?

Before I met Jim I was on my own alone for almost 20 years whistle. I did just fine. I even had a fiancee during that time but dumped the guy when I realized he was way too possessive to suit me. Once in a while I felt a bit wistful because something great had happened and I really had no one with whom to share it! I mean you don't call your adult son about such things. You tell a mate/partner. I do very well on my own and did not seek another relationship. I certainly did nothing to find one. It found me! Quite accidentally. I was almost 60 and Jim was almost  62. I'm almost 80 so you see sometimes the best comes last. We are a very good fit. We started out as friendly acquaintances. Then friends. Then it grew to be more than that. Am I happier with him in my life? Yes. Would I have been happy/content without him? Yes because I already was for many years. But would I go back to being alone once I had him my life? No way Jose! So maybe someone will drop into your life and maybe not. Either way you are responsible for your happiness. No one else is. Anyway you're here m'dear and interact with people so it isn't as if you are antisocial.  You're fun to chat with and so whatever life holds for you I hope you remain content/happy/peaceful. Thank you for your reply and Happy Monday whistle! :)

((hugs)) Condolences for your loss cp. I sincerely hope my question hasn't caused you pain. I'm glad your son is there for you. I don't know what to say to you other than that I'm sorry for your great loss and I'm really glad you're here and interacting with us. I do look forward to seeing your moniker because I know I'm in for some fun. You have a fine sense of humor and you are also thoughtful and a pleasure to chat with.  Thank you for your answer, sad though it is and Happy Monday m'dear! :)

I need solitude bh. That's why Jim is such a good match for me. He doesn't need my attention  24/7.  He has tennis and golf he enjoys.  I prefer being home and cooking and  Answermugging and reading and watching things that interest me on TV. He is the athlete. I'm not athletic at all.  He is far more social than I am and he doesn't make me feel inadequate because I'd rather stay at home. He wants me to do whatever makes me happy and I want the same for him. I'm always invited to join him of course but I'm just a homebody. It's nice when people accept you for the person you are and don't try to change you. Thank you for your reply m'dear and Happy Monday. I might even be a tad agoraphobic. I dunno. Even when I was a kid I preferred  being at home! :)

I didn't either Spunky. I was alone for almost 20 years before I met Jim. I NEED solitude just to replenish me. Jim is not demanding at all. He has golf and tennis which he enjoys a lot. I have cooking and Answermugging and reading and watching favorite TV shows. I'm a homebody and always have been actually. Even as a kid. Thank you for your reply and Happy Monday! :)

I think when you find you're happy with the person you are, you don't mind being alone.  I'm glad you have someone as accepting as Jim.  Sounds like a good match. :)

Me too Spunky. I lucked out! FINALLY! Thank you for your reply! :)

Thank you for your reply pearl and Happy Monday! :)

Being alone and being lonely are SUCH different things. I just recently realized that for a long time I thought they were the same but once I realized differently, it's easier to appreciate solitude. In your case was it hard to separate the two for a while? 

It was.  Being alone was new to me because there was always someone around...husband, kids.  I needed time to figure out who I was without him. I still don't know but I've managed to enjoy the solitude.  It was years later before I was lonely for companionship. Just someone to have dinner with or a movie.  Went on date with someone I've known for years, wanted more of a commitment and I didn't, so now I'm at the stage where being lonely for a companion has passed.  Now, when I get lonely I go next door ( they have the most wonderful loving dog they got at the shelter) and I give and get love from that beautiful animal.  Zero ( that's her name because she had nobody)will  sit by me and just petting her is so calming that when I leave I feel better.  Zero has been a blessing.

Ahhh, I love that. Animals are truly a blessing that way! I'm so happy that you seem to be at a good place after such a hard loss. It's definitely not easy finding ways to remedy loneliness, but once you find it you're golden. I feel like I should try to visit a shelter or something, maybe volunteer... These animals need our love too!

I remember that sad time Babycakes. We were on Answerbag then. I'm glad you've adjusted and of course you have memories that warm you and those will always be with you. I can't recall ever feeling lonely but if something were to happen to Jim I probably would. We've been together 20 years and he is so much entwined in the fabric of my life. Other relationships were relatively short-term and I was the one who left. Glad to see you again and hope you are doing well m'dear. Thank you for your reply and Happy Monday! :)

I was alone for 20 years and did just fine. Being alone is infinitely better than being with the wrong person. I require lots of solitude. Jim has tennis and golf that he enjoys immensely. I enjoy being at home. I guess I've always been a homebody. Thank you for your reply mk.  I was a painfully shy child and I still have her within me. I'm not social in my real life in the sense that I'm not always out and about interacting with people.  I guess my socializing is focused on Anwermug and the folks I chat with here daily. Thank you for your reply and Happy Monday! :)

Happy Monday Rosie! I feel the same way. As a child even the thought of speaking out loud to another person would bring me to tears. I was that way up until about 15 or 16 when something in me decided to jump out of my shell. Now I'm the kind of person that can't shut up in social situations! Funny how that happens, isn't it? But I tire of them easily and if there are people around me for too long I definitely get extremely irritable. I'm new here and I'm excited to meet you all! Happy Monday to you too!