"Good" and "bad" are very subjective. Imagine a man who goes out and steels or sells drugs. We know he's "bad" because he's hurting people. But, lets say that we learn he has no education, can't get a job, and is using the proceeds to provide for his child. He hates doing it and isn't proud of it. He wants out, but doesn't know any other way, so he does what he has to do to make sure his kid is fed, clothed, and has a safe place to sleep. Is he really "bad?"
Now, it's super easy to point the finger at the guy and tell him to go get on government assistance or work two minimum wage jobs to provide. As well he should, but maybe he's a felon and he doesn't qualify for benefits. Maybe there are no food pickup points near him. Maybe there are no government offices near him. Maybe he doesn't even know these programs exist.
There are a million variables here. I think we should get away from using words like "good" and "bad" to label people on the whole. It's never that simple. We all make good choices and bad choices. Individual behaviors and decisions can be good, bad, healthy, unhealthy, etc., but rarely is a person good or bad. Just yesterday, I read an article about a boxer who beat a 3-year-old to death. Ok, I think we can all agree that's bad. At the same time, I also read an article about how a mom posted a tip for other moms- to use a shower caddy to store baby bottles. The other moms tore her apart for having too many bottles, for being too lazy to clean, for giving her kids bottles that were not sterile. Seriously. She got labeled as being a bad mom, as if she was somehow on par with the boxer.
I think we need to ditch these kinds of labels and focus more on lifting people up, helping them find better ways, and educating. The more we focus on inspiring positive behaviors and actions, and less on labeling a person, the more likely we are to create the kind of change the world needs.
A really deep and interesting question... definitely makes me think. And I think there is no wholly wrong or right answer.. just opinion and perspective.. I read JA's answer with interest.. she always comments very sensibly and in a caring way... I think I mostly, sorta, kinda agree with her.. but I guess I feel that we always do have choices... for sure sometimes we are in circumstances that mean that we *sometimes* do bad things... I am no angel... but I still believe we have choices.. and the purpose of doing bad, or accepting bad things is to use that to get out of that situation.. imo and it is just an opinion... staying in something bad might mean, and I do only mean might mean.. that we really aren't being a good parent.. one of the responsibilities of being a parent is to set a good example and to pass on a good example... and my worry is that we know that in reality what generally happens is that someone in very difficult circumstances, be they from ignorance or choice tends to produce offspring that follow suit.
I really hope I don't sound harsh... if so then perhaps it would help to understand that I came from very difficult circumstances.. very rough circumstances... I saw how they live, I saw the people, I grew up with them and I am still close enough to know what happened to them.. most of them never got *out* of that.. and most really never got the message from their parents that life didn't have to be that way...or that they can do better.. It does tend to be a cycle.... poor and disadvantaged begets poor and disadvantaged...
Now that said... I don't think that being poor means you are a bad parent.. nor does being rich mean you are a good parent..indeed we hear so, so often about rich kids who go badly off the rails but rich does tend to come with some advantages.. books, education etc.. and education certainly is a way out of that cycle..
If we go back to the man in JA's example... were he to save and use the money to start something more sustainable.. were he to make sure he taught his child that it's wrong but that people sometimes have to make bad choices to live, were he to make sure that kids gets a good education and a real chance to get out of the poverty... then he would be a good parent.. Much IS subjective I am sure about bad and good.
Perhaps this is also a good argument for having a system that does pay and support ex-cons etc. in the UK an ex felon would get benefits and real help to gain employment.. but even so... broadly speaking.. the reasons why the father became a felon, (poor family background/poverty etc. do tend to follow through... it's often not just about money, poverty etc.. it's about mindset and education.. imo again
Oooh and as I waffled on a bit in a way that didn't directly answer the question...well it did but I know people prefer direct answers.. so my feeling is that bad people, if there is such a thing, tend to make bad parents because the reasons that make them bad generally also mean they are less aware of the importance of raising children well and are generally less aware of the child's needs etc. etc. Good people can make bad parents... because, the definition of good can be very misguided.. for instance.. some very religious people may well proclaim pious people 'good' but in that context good is a misnomer if they are bigoted, narrow minded people who care more about being seen as 'good' than about people and their needs.
Thank you for your very thoughtful, helpful, useful and informative analysis in response to my question Addb. A member of the Mafia who kills people is a family man. Can he be a very good dad? Probably so. But he is a very bad person in the eyes of most reasonable people. The converse can also be true.
Exactly... my concern is that while say killing, pressuring and hurting people as part of the mafia and being a good dad... you are passing on those bad behaviours and attitudes... so one might argue that one isn't being a good dad really.
Everything is relative of course. To children who grow up not knowing what business daddy dearest is in all they experience is a loving dad who is there for them and protects them and takes care of them. I think family is very important to the Mafia. Within that context only they are good and loving and devoted. From outside looking in they are cold-blooded evil people. It all depends on your point of view. Thank you for your reply Addb! :)
Just Asking 