Aww...hang in there. It's sad that he's gone, but at least you had a great life with him and you know he loved you.
It's more than I have with my ex and she's still alive. You know what I mean? I feel like OUR marriage was a lie. I always tell my mom "At least you know dad loved you." I don't know if that's fair to say or not because I haven't had a spouse pass away.
This post was edited by Benedict Arnold at September 23, 2017 9:49 PM MDT
I guess so I mean sometimes I feel like maybe my marriage ended this way for a reason? I loved her so much, I mean I lived for her and my biggest fear in life was how would I be able to take seeing her be sick or dying? I thought I should die first because I couldn't handle seeing her suffer. Then after she totally betrayed me now I kinda feel like it might be for the best because I wouldn't be able to handle losing my wife so she had to hurt me so I can let go of her now when it's easier. Does that make any sense?
Good, I'm glad you're all ears. And I'd be happy to share.
This is about carbon. This was her answer and she was sharing something personal about her husband and the traumatic experience of losing him. It's not about me either. That's the point. If you want to keep the conversation going, try something like this:
Carbon, if you feel like sharing, tell me about your husband. What was he like? What do you miss about him? What was your life together like? What's your happiest memory together?
If you answered one of my questions by talking about losing your father or brother (which I'm truly sorry for btw), I wouldn't comment about my broken relationship. I'd ask you to tell me about your father or brother.
I didn't feel comfortable asking her those questions. Usually I just share my experiences and hope that it makes others feel comfortable enough to share whatever. I already asked Jaimie about her past tonight and she was uncomfortable sharing so I kinda feel like I'm the only one willing to put my life out there at times, but obviously you're sick of hearing about my relationship and you can just say so and I don't have to talk about it anymore, but I'm not going to poke my nose into Carbon's business. I know what it's like to lose people and if she wants to talk she'll talk. it's a touchy subject, I know and I don't feel comfortable bugging her about it. Thanks.
Lyrical is right on her comment to you here. I know you don't understand cos you haven't lived through and that's not your fault ... but your need to keep first paragraph of your comment here and delete the rest. Cos I said so.
With all due respect you guys haven't lived through what I have either. It's not right to judge me until you've lived my life. I've sat with my dad in the hospital and took him to his appointements and struggled with him to keep his farm going and I watched him suffer on his death bed. It was horrible, but I moved on, then I saw my brother dead in a coffin and he still had blood on his fingernails from the crash, I watched his little girl cry looking at her dad lying dead and I moved on. I found out his wife has terminal cancer and I couldn't handle it and I cried and cried for their daughter. I can't get over that and when the love of my life used me and took advantage of me and bankrupt me and cheated on me with at least three different men and wasn't protected and I was sitting and looking at my child having only been with 1 woman in 15 years and waiting to find out if I could have aids from her and I could not get over it and I wanted to kill myself. I picked out the bridge and decided to do it and then I realized that no one would care for my son and me killing myself would only hurt him. I'm sorry but during that time of trying to cope with everything that she did I honestly felt like It would have just been easier if she had died and I never had to know anything that she did because it f__king destroyed me. My mom moved on after my dad died, she has a new man and she's happy. I can't stop having nightmares about my wife cheating to this day. I don't know if I can ever move on or trust again and if I didn't have a child I would not be here. Yes, losing a spouse is a different universe. Maybe better or worst depending on who you are? I think it's fair to wonder about these things.
This post was edited by Benedict Arnold at September 25, 2017 10:06 AM MDT
You still don't get it and once again have made this all about you and your problems. When it was, in this particular instance, about carbon losing her husband. And sharing that in a conversation not with me but with you.
Again, if I had asked a question and in your answer, you shared the very tragic, very sad, very heartfelt information above and after offering my condolences, instead of giving you the opportunity to expand upon that, asking if you were getting any kind of psychological help, or just leaving it at that, used it as an opportunity to talk about me and my broken relationship, I'd really feel like I'd done you a disservice. Because you'd just poured your heart out and that wasn't the time to talk about me. That was your time to use as you wished.
Sometimes it's simply the other person's turn to have a space honored by letting it be theirs alone.
Am I the only one who can post a response? You're acting as if I took someone's turn or something. There is nothing stopping you from asking Carbon to expand on her response and there is nothing stopping her from doing so if she chooses. I don't think you get the point. It's not my responsibility to dig into other people's lives. Do it yourself. Participate in the conversation rather than just reading the thread and criticizing. That is my opinion.
This post was edited by Benedict Arnold at September 24, 2017 8:23 AM MDT
I think you are quite pushy actually and I've seen you do it before. I don't find other people's pain and suffering entertaining. I only share my experiences and I hope they share theirs if they choose to. That's it, I'm not a therapist.
No, no, please go on. Pushy? I won't say another word. This thread is all about you. Woman's husband died, who cares? Tell us again about how your ex cheated on you. Can never hear about it too many times. The floor is completely yours.
I expressed my condolences to her. I'm not going to ask her anymore about it because it's painful and I don't know her well enough yet. Sometimes a grieving person can be having a good day and all it takes is for someone to ask the wrong thing and that grieving person ends up in tears all over again. I'm not going to play with that, I'm not qualified. If you don't want to hear about my relationship anymore I understand that. I'm sick of it too, but it was my life. That's all I had and I'm sorry if my problems are boring you.
This post was edited by Benedict Arnold at September 24, 2017 9:03 AM MDT
TS, I'm not sure if this is going to make sense to you but I'll try to explain in a different way what Lyrical is saying here. We all understand this was your question. But, when CarbonProduct responded to it and shared with you something extremely personal, you should have offered your condolences (as you correctly did) and then just stopped your response right there. Instead, you chose to compare the death of her husband to your own situation. Etiquette dictates, you don't do that. It's considered insensitive. Do you understand why, or should I explain further?
That's why I pointed out that I didn't know if that was a fair thing to say when I said it. I did not mean to be insensitive just as I'm sure you guys didn't mean to be insensitive to me about my problems.
How was I insensitive to you about your problems TS? We've all been as supportive as possible for weeks. From my perspective, there's only so much I can say before I sound like a broken record. I don't have any other advice for you than the advice that I've already given on your other questions.
In response to your first sentence, I find it's always best if I'm not sure about saying something, I refrain from saying it. Sometimes being quiet is the best way to deal with an uncomfortable situation.
I'm very sorry for all you've been through in the past couple of years. And you're correct, nobody here has lived through exactly what you have. I'm not gonna speak to any of the other comments I read in this thread , because I think this is all blowing up into a bigger thing than it needs be. What I meant by MY comment was, I thought it was sh_tty of you to compare your losses to Carbons in the comment above. It wasn't the right time or place to insert your experiences, in my opinion. That doesn't mean I don't understand why you might wonder how it compares or that you shouldn't feel comfortable talking about the the things you've been through. It just means I think it was the wrong place to bring it. I don't think your a jerk or insensitive because of it :) I just think that ONE instance was kinda meh. All that being said, I'm glad you're on this site. I think you're lots of fun and I'm glad you are so open about your experiences and willing to share them with others. Not all of us are that brave :) Just know there are some times when it comes across to others as inappropriate to bring up..... (I was gonna call you dumba$$ at end of that, but wasn't sure you'd take as joke :) .. would have meant as joke though) :)
Me neither, I just never really got into that. I thought about getting a guitar on my arm, but I thought I might not always be into that. What tattoo would you have gotten if you had to? Do you wear glasses or sun glasses or contacts?
I never considered getting a tattoo so no idea what kind of tattoo I would have gotten :) I like them on other people though ... just not for me. Most people find funny cos I was married to a tattoo artist and he was covered in them :) lol .. so people used to find odd I had no desire get one or ever did :) I wear contacts most days and have glasses wear for when I don't feel like wearing contacts:)
Wow! That is amazing that you don't have any tattoos then, really amazing. : ) How do wear your hair, like down and straight or up somehow? What celebrity's hair does your hair most resemble? Why do you like to wear boots and do you like foot rubs if you don't mind me asking?
Benedict Arnold 