She'd be more likely to re-annexe British America.
To the citizens of the United States of America from Her Sovereign Majesty, Queen Elizabeth II:
In the light of your immediate failure to elect a competent President of the USA and thus demonstrating your inability to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective immediately. (You can look up “revocation” in the Oxford English Dictionary).
Her Sovereign Majesty will resume monarchical duties over all states, commonwealths, and territories (except Utah, which she does not fancy).
Your new Prime Minister, Theresa May, will appoint a Governor for America forthwith, without the need for further elections.
Congress and the Senate will be disbanded. A questionnaire may be circulated sometime next year to determine whether any of you noticed.
To aid in the transition to a British Crown dependency, the following rules are introduced with immediate effect:
1. The letter ‘U’ will be reinstated in words such as “colour”, “honour”, “favour”, “labour” and “neighbour”. Likewise, you will learn to spell “doughnut” without skipping half the letters, and the suffix “-ize” will be replaced by the suffix “-ise”. Generally, you will be expected to raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels. (Look up “vocabulary”).
2. Using the same twenty-seven words interspersed with filler noises such as “like” and “you know” is an unacceptable and inefficient form of communication. There is no such thing as U.S. English. We will let Microsoft know on your behalf. The Microsoft spell-checker will be adjusted to take into account the reinstated letter “u” and the elimination of “-ize”.
3. July 4th will no longer be celebrated as a holiday, and you can quit saying it backwards too – it’s the fourth of July.
4. You will learn to resolve personal issues without using guns, lawyers, or therapists. The fact that you need so many lawyers and therapists shows that you’re not quite ready to be independent. Guns should only be used for shooting grouse. If you can’t sort things out without suing somebody or speaking to a therapist, you’re not ready to shoot grouse.
5. Therefore, you will no longer be allowed to own or carry anything more dangerous than a vegetable peeler. A permit will be required if you wish to carry a vegetable peeler in public.
6. All intersections will be replaced with roundabouts, and you will start driving on the left side with immediate effect. At the same time, you will go metric with immediate effect and without the benefit of conversion tables. Both roundabouts and metrication will help you to understand the British sense of humour.
7. The former USA will adopt UK prices on petrol (which you have been calling gasoline for some unfathomable reason) of roughly $10/US gallon. Get used to it.
8. You will learn to make real chips. Those things you call French fries are not real chips (neither are they French), and those things you insist on calling chips are properly called crisps. Real chips are thick cut, fried in animal fat, and properly dressed not with ketchup but with vinegar.
9. The cold tasteless stuff you have been calling beer is not actually beer at all. Henceforth, only proper British Bitter will be referred to as beer, and European brews of known and accepted provenance will be referred to as Lager. Australian beer is also acceptable, as Australia is pound-for-pound the best sporting nation in the world and it can only be due to the beer. They are also part of the British Commonwealth – see what it did for them. American brands will be referred to as Near-Frozen Gnat’s Urine, so all can be sold without risk of further confusion.
10. Hollywood will be required to occasionally cast English actors as good guys. Hollywood will also be required to fill English character roles with English actors. Watching Andie MacDowell attempt English dialogue in Four Weddings and a Funeral was an experience akin to having one’s ears removed with a cheese grater.
11. You will cease playing American football. There are only two proper kinds of football; one you call soccer, and rugby (dominated by the New Zealanders). Those of you brave enough will, in time, be permitted to play rugby (which has some similarities to American football, but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar body armour like a bunch of nancies).
12. Further, you will stop playing baseball. It is not reasonable to host an event called the World Series for a game that is not played outside of America. Since only 2.1% of you are aware there is a world beyond your borders, your error is understandable. You will learn cricket, and we will let you face the Australians (world dominators) first to take the sting out of their deliveries.
13. You must tell us who killed JFK. It’s been driving us mad.
14. An internal revenue agent (i.e. tax collector) from Her Majesty’s Government will be with you shortly to ensure the acquisition of all monies due (backdated to 1776, with interest).
15. Daily Tea Time begins promptly at 4pm, with proper cups, with saucers, and never mugs, with high quality biscuits (cookies) and cakes; plus strawberries (with cream) when in season.
God Save The Queen!
This post was edited by Slartibartfast at October 19, 2017 1:05 AM MDT
So the cheese has finally slid off Lizzie's cracker and she's ready for the rubber room and a white coat that has sleeves that tie in the back. I guess that's to be expected seeing as how she's married to Prince Philip, someone that makes Mr. Trump look like a "proper British gentlemen". So sad, really.
A long time ago? What the H are YOU talking about? Lizzie's still married to that buffoon so far as I know, no long time ago about it. And that explains the diatribe that someone else offered about her "loonship" taking over the USA again . . .
Slartibartfast 