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Danilo_G
Discussion » Questions » Human Behavior » Anyone here willing to say "me too"?

Anyone here willing to say "me too"?

I am too old now - nobody's idea of a sexually attractive person.
Men do not look twice; they avert their eyes except in conversation.
A certain peace has entered into my life because of it.

Male salespeople now treat me with friendly respect and kindness, rather than subtly trying to flirt.
Those milder versions were not so invasive or offensive -
but they kept me constantly aware that I was viewed first as a potential sex object,
whereas I would have preferred to be viewed first as a full human being
with preferences, needs and wishes of my own which were usually very far from or opposite to theirs.

I rarely had the opportunity to help,
because I think most instances of harrassment occur away from the eyes of witnesses.
The slime-balls know that their behaviour is unwelcome before they even try.
I saw a man shouting at a woman. she was pinned against a wall and he was raising his fist.
I stopped and said, "if you land that fist I'm going straight to the Police and reporting it."
He dropped the fist and the two moved off in separate directions.
I have no idea whether there was any prior relationship between them.

But there were times when it was much worse, when I felt unsafe, and in fact was unsafe.
Travelling on public transport between home and uni, or home and work in large cities.
Bad things happened at the hands of strangers which left their mark in PTSD.
There were times when I had to leave jobs because a boss would not desist when I said no.

Women, will you share your experiences here?
Have any of you banded together to intervene and protect a sister?

Men, are there any among you who will tell us if you have ever stood up for a woman and protected her against unwelcome advances?


Posted - October 21, 2017

Responses


  • 13071
    I wish I could, but men generally dont look at me that way. I guess I dont fit the category of the typical sexy woman. (although I know I am) lol
      October 21, 2017 6:41 PM MDT
    1

  • 5835
    A woman considers a man a criminal if he makes a pass and a creep if he doesn't. A man can't win this game.
      October 21, 2017 11:43 PM MDT
    0

  • Not true, Jules.
    The key to getting it right is context.
    If you've been dating a woman for a while and have developed a friendship,
    and you know she's single,
    then you can ask whether she's interested in developing a relationship with you.

    The vast majority of women are not interested in casual sex,
    and so they take casual advances and sexual innuendo as unwelcome.
    Try to imagine yourself in their position,
    having grossly unattractive people making passes at you several times a day every day of your life,
    and some of them being a lot worse than that.
      October 22, 2017 2:29 AM MDT
    0

  • 5835
    Now try to understand the man's situation. He is talking to a lady when she suddenly stops talking and just stares into the air. That might mean she is horny or it might mean she is bored, and she will bite the man's head off if he doesn't guess right.
      October 22, 2017 2:50 AM MDT
    0

  • 7939
    FYI- You're gorgeous. I think, if you aren't experiencing as many come-ons as you once did, it probably has more to do with your attitude than your looks. I know Jewels apparently seems unsure of when it's appropriate and when it's not, but I can tell you that I, personally, intentionally give off death vibes in the presence of men IRL if they appear to be interested. They catch on. It's no disrespect, but my body language is such that it's clear I'm not interested in talking with strangers. I have more trouble getting the point across when I'm actively talking with someone, and it tends to happen more often when I'm talking to men who are providing a service- computer guys, repairmen, etc. Because, at that point, we're already having a non-sexual discussion about whatever the topic at hand is, and then they'll throw in some innuendo since I'm already responsive and engaged. And, when I don't respond to the innuendo, most stop. It's the social "dance." I don't think they're creeps. In those situations, the conversation is welcome and I just try to steer it away from anything sexual. No harm done. 

    The only thing that really bothers me is when I'm dressed for a night out and I get cat calls, whistles, or get eyed up and down. That's creepy, and it only happens when I'm alone. My beau says he catches men staring when I'm out with him, but I never see it and they certainly don't approach. 

    As far as standing up for another woman goes, I have yet to encounter a situation in which the woman said the advances were unwelcome. I'll ask and make sure the woman is ok, but that's about it. 
      October 22, 2017 1:43 PM MDT
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  • 22891
    me too, guys never ask me out on dates and i have no idea why
      October 22, 2017 4:34 PM MDT
    0