Discussion»Questions»Human Behavior» Some men are far more condescending when they engage with women than they are when they engage with other men. Why?
I'm not sure. Honestly I've seen more of the opposite in my lifetime. I've gone to school and worked with men who treated other guys like crap and always had to try to show dominance towards other males. Then when those same guys are around women they completely change their tune and act like they are so kind and sweet. I've had women say to me that "So and so is such a nice guy" and I would have to bite my tongue because I would be dying to tell her what a phony he is and that he doesn't treat everyone with kindness and respect only women that he's trying to fool.
Look out ladies. If you want to know if he's honestly nice watch how he treats everyone not just you.
Thank you for your thoughtful reply Truthseeker and Happy Monday. All my life my best friends have been men with few exceptions. I just get along better with them in general So I'm used to being treated like an equal. When I happen to run across a guy that isn't gentlemanly it's very eye-opening and shocking even. But with the current unveiling of all the sexual perverts in politics and business and entertainment fields who just think women are there for their sexual pleasure and not good for anything else I realize the problem is far far worse than I could have imagined. Sadly. :)
I like what TS said. That's a huge thing. I didn't pay attention to that when I married my ex-husband, and I should have. He was quite the gentleman with me, but a jerk to everyone else. People like that- it's only a matter of time before they start behaving like that with you.
But, on the flip side, I also know what you're referring to. One example- I was using a legal document preparation service to solve some of my mom's stuff. I actually hired two. One company was in Wisconsin and was handling my mom's divorce, and the other company was here in Arizona, filing her guardianship paperwork. Both cases should have wrapped up at the same time, but the Wisconsin one took several extra months, mostly because the guy spent so much of his time inflating his importance. "I'm so busy. I sit on this board and that board. I'm really in demand now." Which, of course, made my eyes roll as I tried to get him back on task. Then, he started asking to talk to my "husband" and I explained I was divorced. He switched and started asking to talk to my brother instead. The whole time, he insinuated it would be easier if he could just talk to a man about things. The case and paperwork was really easy, especially compared to the stuff I was having done locally. I think he was just pissed that I didn't respond to his remarks about what an important guy he was. I actually went through similar stuff a few times right after and during my divorce. It has oddly since faded away. Hindsight, I have to wonder if I was giving off some kind of vibe that suggested I had no clue what I was doing... I may have been. My ex-husband was big on control, so he handled all the household and business affairs. It took me a while to get my sea legs and feel confident navigating the new territory.
So, I guess that gives you two possible answers. 1) They're just self-important jerks with inflated egos. 2) Maybe they sometimes read into the situation and recognize when a woman is out of her element. My document guy was just a jerk. Like I said, I worked with another company at the exact same time on similar stuff and had no issues, but some of the other times I faced it, like with household services and stuff- they may have meant well, even though they came across as jerks.
PRECISELY what I meant JA! EXACTAMUNDO! When I got a divorce many decades ago I tried to establish credit at Sears under my name. They refused me. I threatened to sue them. I told them that I had earned MORE than my husband did during our entire marriage. So if they were going to deny me credit just because I had no husband they were not going to get away with it! I was FURIOUS! Needless-to-say they caved and I got a credit card under my name only. I also received a phone call from a guy in the credit department apologizing for the initial "error". That was back in the day when the most important title seemed to be MRS.! I'm gonna ask a question about that! And then during other situations they can be so disdainful/condescending/insulting! I guess it takes all kinds!:) ((hugs))
That's how we differentiate between the ones who THINK they are great and those who really are! Thank you for your reply PC and Happy Monday to thee! :)
But sometimes its not condescension but they just feel more relaxed with us because they don't see us as a threat or feel they have to be competitive as they might with other men. True sometimes they do seem to assume we can't do something or understand something so they try and do it for us. Which generally I don't mind so much since I do fairly frequently have trouble understanding certain things.
So do I. But everyone has expertise in some areas officegirl. We are all average. We are great at some things, mediocre at some things and lousy as some things. That's why I get so ticked off at folks who think they're so dam* special just because they have a particular strength. Thank you for your reply m'dear! :)
Yes there are some men who do seem to need to feel they are superior whatever. Which makes them view others as I guess inferior which would indeed be condescension.
Fortunately all the important men in my life were and are not like that at all. They wouldn't be important to me if they were rude/condescending/patronizing blowhards! :)
Misogynists are all over - and it's not always manifested as a hatred of women, sometimes it's more a dismissal of her intelligence/competence. Some guys are raised that way, and it wasn't all that long ago that "a woman's place was in the home" - he was the breadwinner, she was barefooted and pregnant. Cultures shift but it takes a while for some slackers to catch up. The glass ceiling is still there - the top of the pyramid is still occupied by moribund old farts hankering for the "good old days".
Well as you know by now after all these years of chatting my best friends have been men with few exceptions. I just get along better with them. It's easier for some reason. So when I run into one who is a grade A jerk I notice it and wonder who the he** he thinks he is? Thank you for your reply. Oh. I also asked a question about being oblivious to the obvious. Thinking older guys are more attractive than older gals and really not having a clue why until I read your reply. DUH!
Benedict Arnold 