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Danilo_G

Do you esteem any of your psychological scars?

Many, perhaps particularly men, seem glad to show off their physical cicatrices, including those gathered through evidently dumb decisions (such as when I tried to help a stranger with their cat, disregarding that it had snowed and hence impaling my hand on a tall fence). But is anyone bolstered by their mental scars, which might prove the passing of a trial that bade them improve in the greater sense?

Posted - December 27, 2017
Tags : pain trial difficulty Growth anguish trauma scarring baggage

Responses


  • 6098
    No.  Just glad they are behind me. 
      December 27, 2017 3:12 PM MST
    3

  • 1502
    Good to hear; being able to leave them well behind is notable in itself.
      December 27, 2017 3:35 PM MST
    2

  • Amen:)
      January 3, 2019 4:21 PM MST
    2

  • I’d rather see a scar than listen to someone go on about how messed up in the head they are.
      December 27, 2017 3:23 PM MST
    2

  • 1502
    Got a chuckle out of me, GK, though I just want to add either that mental scars don't make someone messed up, or that we're all crazy.
      December 27, 2017 3:33 PM MST
    2

  • Yeah I agree, dealing with adversity does make us stronger. But listening to those stories can be tedious too lol
      December 27, 2017 3:36 PM MST
    2

  • 6477
    Ok I am going to play devils advocate here.. (there's good reason for me to do that) and say that yes, I esteem them.. I have had, on paper a very difficult, even shocking life.. I have been through many things that would and have broken people. 

    And weird as it sounds.. while I don't deny they were horrible and shouldn't have happened.. I DO value them and do believe that it is as a result of them that I am more compassionate regarding other's suffering and difficulties... I am more understanding re human frailty and way, way less judgemental of people's sexual choices and sexuality.

    I won't bore with the details or loads of soul searching but I had an interesting conversation a week or so ago.. it was about someone I admire soooooo much - a man who truly treated everyone with such humanity and respect, despite being in a very senior position.. I was asked, by someone who knows about my very poor experiences as a child with my parents, didn't I see this man as a father figure. The question made me stop in my tracks because no, truly I have never needed to or longed for anyone other than my mother and father as my parents..  They sure were NOT good parents, quite the opposite and my experiences may have been very different from most people's but they are MY experiences and I value them.. and I value my mum and dad despite their very, very many failings and rubbish parenting skills. 
      December 27, 2017 3:59 PM MST
    5

  • 1502
    Sorry to hear of what a challenge you faced, yet, as you see, it's commendable what place you've given it. Thanks for sharing such surely hard-earned insight.
      December 28, 2017 3:06 AM MST
    1

  • 10052
    I agree with daydreambeliever. I believe that the things that I've been through have made me more compassionate and empathetic towards others, and less judgmental. Furthermore, the most traumatic thing I've been through eventually resulted in my having the courage to walk away from a horrible, destructive marriage. It sounds crazy, but I don't know that I'd have ever done that, were it not for that trauma. 

    I know better than to think that there are no more dark days ahead. I hope that I can find silver linings within those clouds, too. 


      December 27, 2017 7:23 PM MST
    3

  • 1502
    Compassion and empathy have(/has) become the first I relate to you, Ansley. Having walked away from that one stronger, I'm sure you'll carry on advancing.
      December 28, 2017 3:09 AM MST
    2

  • 10052
    Thank you. 
      December 28, 2017 3:55 AM MST
    2

  • I have one weird scar on my pinky finger knuckle that  I have no idea or memory how I  got. I think I might start make up a story for it then about wrestle a bear or something then :) other than that, non. 
      December 27, 2017 7:38 PM MST
    3

  • 1502
    You had to give the bear something, right? -- Otherwise it would just have been embarrassing!
      December 28, 2017 3:10 AM MST
    1

  • 3523
    I'm kind of proud that I worked my way up from homelessness to the middle class after being kicked out of my father's house when I was 19.  But what might I have accomplished if I'd had help making a better life for myself?  Wouldn't I be equally proud of that?  We'll never know will we.  So of what value is overcoming obstacles if you might have done better without them?
      December 27, 2017 10:27 PM MST
    2

  • 1502
    Interesting question, yet I'd argue that overcoming an obstacle is of higher value in and of itself than what concrete benefits an easy existence might provide. We have some examples right here where it seems difficulty developed character in a manner that perhaps no other circumstance would have (although there is indeed no actual way of filling in the hypothesis).
      December 28, 2017 3:15 AM MST
    3

  • 22891
    no
      January 2, 2018 4:04 PM MST
    1

  • 23637
    I don't know if I esteem them or not, Danilo_G, I don't know.
    In some ways, I'm even unsure of how events/whatever have contributed to my persona.

    I've said it more than once on the site here, but, often, whether they be trials or other events that lead me to it, much of my persona seems to gravitate to living the Golden Rule as best I can (which is often not so "best")
    -- Do Unto Others as You Would Have Them Do Unto You.

    I remember being introduced to this 'Rule' as a young child and it has stayed.

    :)
      January 3, 2019 11:26 AM MST
    1

  • 1502
    Not sure anyone knows how exactly we become the people we are. We'll all have our tales about it, I suppose; but the weight of each event, how much of it is external, how much internal--all very obscure. Not that that's a problem.

    The Golden Rule, of course; feels like it was just yesterday when I came up with that!
      January 3, 2019 12:28 PM MST
    1

  • 23637
    :)
    So you created that Golden Rule! I owe you a lot!
    :)

    I was thinking more about your question through the day. Another, perhaps cliche, ingredient to and for me (which I don't know why, I'm relating to your question, when, in reality, perhaps none of what I've posted even relates to your question but it seems to in my mind) is the Serenity Prayer. So often equated only with various Twelve Step Recovery programs, it helps me deal with those psychological scars. And it helps me to deal with them before they become scars --
    God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference.

    Oh, well. Those are my thoughts at the moment.
    :)

    This post was edited by WelbyQuentin at January 4, 2019 12:21 PM MST
      January 3, 2019 4:02 PM MST
    1

  • 7280
    Just a related comment---John Bradshaw is a major international figure in the field of recovery, dysfunctional families and inner child work.  He died a few years ago. Public TV had a series with him on "inner child" work; and I bought a few of his books.

    He made a comment that addicts should be kind to their addictions because those addictions allowed them to survive.  That backs up what I believe that it is not what happens to you in life---it's about what you tell yourself about what happened.

    So, while I have never really thought about your question in those terms, there are definitely milestones associated with my overcoming my upbringing in a dysfunctional family. 




      January 3, 2019 11:35 AM MST
    3

  • 1502
    That's certainly an interesting perspective on addiction. I don't really know Bradshaw, so I presume such a point of view still includes getting rid of the addiction, perhaps only not in an 'aggressive,' disheartened manner?
      January 3, 2019 12:30 PM MST
    1