If medical researchers discovered that recreational sex is not healthy for ANY of us, would you stop engaging in it? Why or why not? ~

If that's all sex is to you, you've never had anybody do it right and I'm sorry for you. As the ultimate expression of a couple's commitment, it's mindblowing - we've been together for 29 years and although it's a lot less frequent than it used to be, when it happens I'm deeper in her mind than her body.

Is there an answer in there somewhere?

(How is it possible that a woman who constantly writes about a variety of sex-related topics, including but not limited to her open marriage, her swinging lifestyle, her years of participation in group sex, etc., has never heard of the concept of recreational sex?  And no, it's not like jogging, hiking or biking.)

I think you misunderstand Randy.  In spite of all I have posted here as well as for years (until I was censored) on answerbag.  Sex has always affirmed and validated me as a woman and a person, made me feel attractive and desirable, that my life is worthwhile and I am valued.  As true now as an active and efficient and loved adult as it was when I was a lost adolescent feeling I had no future and no abilities to cope with the world. Because I was so unattractive and had no talents or abilities and even questioned, because of those, whether I was in fact a girl - I looked in the mirror and because I was not beautiful like my friends and cousins, or pretty, or even cute, I thought perhaps I must really be a boy.  Clutching at anything that could make me feel good - unfortunately drugs and alcohol.  But, most fortunately, from the age of 16, sex.  Which was able to make me feel like I had all the things I lacked. So of course became important to me and how I generally related to others until I was able to acquire the skills necessary to identify and communicate my feelings and understandings to others.  And though have come a long way since then it is basically for me still so.  So perhaps you can understand how something so vital can be dismissed as "recreation".  As though it were mere play. 

I do not have an "open marriage".  I am devoted to my husband.  But I enjoy the thrill and validation and hopefully fulfillment of being desired and giving myself to others. Who only get me at most a couple or few hours a week or even less.  I am more interested in sex than my husband - he enjoys sex but after an hour or so he wants to do something else where I want to just  keep going, and in some situations am able to hour after hour.  That is just a natural difference between a man and a woman or at least between two people.  I am very aware of this and have encouraged my husband to enjoy being with others which he has and have even found women for him I thought he would like and he does but it is just not as vital for him. Perhaps since he more defines himself through his work while, though I have a very good job and charitable activities and do my best at them, I do not.

Neither am I a "swinger" though I did engage in swinging activities for a year or two before I met my husband and still sometimes on occasion see people who are swingers.  But really though I met some good people through it I am more - would rather not compete with other women for the attention of men but much prefer being the only focus of their attention!  Which is why I gravitated to just evenings with multiple men though now I only enjoy them on occasion.  Please understand with a single lover like my husband I am only able to have a single orgasm in a half hour of intercourse or five of six tops in 45 or 50 minutes. But with more men actively interested in making it good for me as well as themselves I am able to enjoy dozens and really the sky is the limit as they used to say because I get to and stay at a higher general level of arousal where they just come automatically  and naturally when my body is ready. 
And I only really engaged in group sex on any regular basis for a few years just before and in the earlier years of our marriage and only do now I am older on occasion.  Unless you are thinking back to my days as a hippie when I would sometimes be with whatever men were present at a particular time but that was more just giving myself and mostly in those days they were out mostly to get themselves off and though I might have an orgasm on top of the third or fourth it was not like they were consciously out to make it about me as well as themselves.  Most of the sex in my life before ten years ago was one on one except for a some threes. 

When I was young I was very idealistic about sex and decided that no one had the right to dictate to me who I was able to be with or who not. Of course I had to learn that most other people thought differently and perhaps still do. And sex came with the burden of guilt since even when I was very discreet I knew that other things were expected of me and I could not be as honest and open as I wanted to be because it hurt people.  And for a while I even thought that because of it I would no one would ever want to marry me.  But then I was not the type of person men were eager to marry was I?  I was not able to play the games that  more attractive girls seemed to thrive upon so I thought OK then why bother?  Well turned out there was someone for me and I met my husband and from the first we both knew we were meant to be together.  And funny though sex is of course a part of our marriage it is not about sex at all!  We are more best friends who share similar world views.  Gerry has accepted a lot from me much of which I'm sure he could have done without - even survived my unsuccessfully trying to make him a kind of swinger! But we understand and agree that marriage is not about just sex - still I feel I can always be a better wife which is why I restrict activities with anyone else to mostly afternoons when I take time off from work or evenings when he is away from home.  And I will not meet anyone at home without his OK and never anyone there when he is at home.

All of which I have mentioned in various posts over the years but which I now reiterate to illustrate just how important it is for me and why I am unable to classify it as anything at all "recreational".  In making love as a woman I reach out and interact with the world limited only by my own mortality.  Perhaps too grandiose but I think it is true. 

Thank you for the clarifying statements.  I had no way of knowing which of your experiences were from your past and no longer take place in the present, and which of them are current today, because you had not specified then as such when you wrote of them previously. I stand corrected that you formerly engaged in swinging and formerly participated in group sex. I don't see how you consider extra-marital sex with a spouse's knowledge and consent to be anything other than open marriage, unless of course your husband does not know and/or does not consent. The way you define your marriage is entiry up to you. If it's an open marriage and you choose to call it something else, fine. If it's not an open marriage and it includes elements of an open marriage, I don't know how else it could be defined. If I'm wrong, I'm wrong, I just responded to what you've written about it.
I understand the term "recreational sex" to mean any consensual sexual activity that does not have the primary intent of procreation. In other words, doing it to have fun as opposed to doing it to conceive a child. I think that a majority of the sex acts you've discussed above fall into that category. Nothing about that equates to hobbies, pastimes, etc. 
~

But for a woman sex is much more vital and fundamental than just having "fun".  Perhaps because procreation always lies at its center.  For me the reason it is so important and pleasurable is just that - to guarantee procreation and the continuation of the human race.  So much of all our feelings and what we do have to do with procreation and nurturance.  I was unfortunately never able to carry any of my pregnancies to term so I have no children of my own.  Is it perhaps a continuing wish to procreate that fuels my continuing enjoyment of sex?  A theory but debatable. 

"Open Marriage" was the title of a popular book that came out a long time ago I would guess around 1970 and nobody used that phrase to describe anything before that.  And I think it inadequate as a descriptive term and really almost meaningless.  You can't have a good and continuing marriage just doing anything you feel like and with anybody - things in relationships don't work that way.  We can sneak around (as I did for many years) or we can be honest and upfront (as I always wanted to be) but either way if we are committed to our spouse it has to mean he/she becomes our primary focus and primary locus of our affections and energies whether or not we have other lovers. But the fact is that marriage or commitment does not prevent or stop us from being open to the desire and attentions of others - whether or not we allow ourselves to enjoy them and build something enjoyable with them.  I think the notion of just being with one person and doing everything with them and getting everything from them is very romantic - but mostly its not the way things work in the real world.  Even when we are very committed.  Though the physiological mechanism is the same I don't feel the same in sex with a continuing lover as I do in sex with my husband, or with , on occasion, multiple partners.   I am the same person but so much of what I feel and how I feel and enjoy depends  on who I am with.  Which just seems the way it should be. Different men illuminate me in often different ways.  Which would be true in other activities besides sex as well but if we are to enjoy also the security of a committed relationship we are mostly not able to carry it that far with everyone nor do I necessarily want to.    Sex binds us and our lovers become part of us so for a marriage to work we have to learn how to put bars on and limit our feelings for others - otherwise we become confused and overwhelmed by our feelings and we can lose the focus we must necessarily afford our husband or primary partner.  Most men I get to know and become intimate with are OK with a limited primarily sexual relationship though of course they are too looking for someone of their own (that is if they have not already found her!).  But I would say many women have more difficulty learning to limit their feelings because they operate more in terms of seeking a permanent partner.  I think interesting that since we married two of my husband's "mistresses" have tried to take him from me because they wanted him for their own and they were willing to leave their husbands to do so.  As much as I enjoy and am enjoyed no one has even asked me to consider such a thing!

Guess I would refer to it as an "honest" marriage. Gerry was married for over 20 years and was  sexually faithful  for 19 of them but then made a few mistakes which ended his marriage though they were committed to one another and loved one another. He had grown up learning how to be a faithful husband but he then saw that as impractical and almost tragic in its consequences.  Because who is able to be perfect?  So four years later he was seeking something different and more realistic in terms of marriage when we met. 

I read a post where JA wrote, quite movingly, how she would be devastated if her "beau" lusted after someone else.  Which really indicates how important relationships are to our well-being and sense of self.  But my experience is that probably all men lust after others so no way would I be able to convince myself that they don't.  Of course we lust as well but perhaps just as often we stuff it because we don't want to mess with the security of our relationships.  I don't know - can be dangerous and result in broken relationships and broken friendships and hurt feelings even with the best of intentions or the utmost discretion.  Because people are so unsure of themselves.  Which , incidentally, is one of the reasons we reach out to others in the first place. 

IF (God forbid) you were in your late twenties and had just had an emergency partial hysterectomy after years of enjoying recreational sex that was enhanced by the knowledge of the possibility of co-creating another human life. would you---since conception is now impossible---be less inclined to partake in coitus?

In other words, if conception no longer lies at its center,, what would now be the meaning of sexual intercourse for you?

Intercourse operates by itself even without "meaning". I certainly never considered or thought much about meanings when I was young.  Of course I knew I was most of the time risking becoming pregnant and I used to sweat every period.  And sometimes I would encourage whoever I was with to just go for it which was terribly exciting though after we always were sorry.  Interesting that now I am no longer able to conceive when I am with someone I think of that meaning more than ever and its like I am still being the younger me who could become pregnant.  Which is all the more arousing. 

Not sure why people to it as "recreational".  For me, as for many women I know and talk to, it is so much more central and vital to who we are.  Whether we are trying to have children or not.  Anyway how I thought most of my life was OK if it happened it happened.  As I always assumed it would.  

Thanks for your input.

Oh you're welcome.