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What's the best way to handle it when a stranger starts walking with you/ stalking you?

I went out to a concert in downtown Phoenix tonight. I'm notoriously bad with getting lost, so before I got out of my car, I marked the spot where I was on my GPS map. I then used GPS to get myself from the parking garage to the venue a few blocks away. It was maybe a five minute walk. When I finished around 11, I told my GPS to take me back to the car and started off on foot again. However, within a minute or so of leaving the venue, some random guy walked up to me and asked if it was ok if he walked with me. To be blunt, he scared the heck out of me... something wasn't right. I told him I was good alone and kept walking, but he persisted, kept walking with me, and started asking me questions about where I was going and who was going to be there. By that point, I knew the guy was sizing me up, so I didn't say anything other than that I was trying to get home to my kids... I figured maybe if he had any kind of a soul, that would get me a golden ticket out of there.

No luck, he kept following. Worse yet, my GPS marked the wrong spot on the map. I was lost and had a weird guy following me. And, he could tell I was lost. So, then he turned it into, "I just want to make sure you get to your car safe." I assured him I was fine, but by that time, I'm eyeballing other people on the street trying to see if I can get anyone's attention that I need help... nobody sees the panic in my eyes. So, then I start thinking, what if I just pretend to know someone on the street- go up to them all excited and give them a hug and whisper in their ear to play along- that the guy with me is essentially stalking me. I figured if he saw that, he's scram because he'd think I wasn't alone, but I also worried that if I did that to someone and they didn't play along, it would be a huge scene and the guy still wouldn't be gone. The alternate was finding another open business, but I figured he'd follow me in anyway. Ultimately, I saw a parking garage that wasn't the one I belonged in, but had a guard. So, I told the guy following me to hold on, that I was going to go ask for directions. Instead, I went and told the guard what was going on and he let me hang out with him until the coast was clear. I think I sat with him maybe 15 minutes and then he helped me find an alternate exit. Here's the weird part- he didn't know where my parking garage was either. I gave him my ticket to get the address off and he said that was the address to where I was, but it wasn't their garage and he didn't recognize the name of the garage. He even radioed the other guards and nobody knew where the garage I was supposed to be was.

Now, even if I hadn't been lost, I never would have let the guy walk me to my car. I knew I had to stay in a populated place. But, I have no idea what else I could have done or should have done to get rid of him. Was the guard the best option or should I have done something else?

Posted - January 31, 2018
Tags : None

Responses


  • 14795
    You should have phoned the police and asked for assistance.....it's such a shame to live in a place where you feel you can't ask just anyone to help you..
    London is such a secular place ....it still has so many no go areas to walk in or even drive through....

    I don't know why we put so much trust in electronic devices.....mine always always let me down when I most need them it feels....
    I feel they also take away the ability to fed for ourselves like every one had to before they were invented....

    Ive never lost my car yet ...highly likly that it will happen though.....everywhere you drive it seems all the old wonderful buildings that you used as landmarks have been pulled down and great big glass characterless monstrosities erected......l

    Maybe calling a automobile asscocation could offer help.  in England it's the person that's covered ,not the car...l. 
      January 31, 2018 3:36 AM MST
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  • 7939
    I actually considered calling a Lyft to take me to my car. Should I face a similar situation, I may do that again- just find a lot I know and trust and exclusively use that one, while taking Lyft/ Uber for short jaunts in the downtown area, as well as to/ from my car. I do have roadside assistance, and it covers me no matter what vehicle I'm in. I'm not sure if they would have helped, though I can bet I would have waited on hold for them.

    Calling the police would have been an option if it came down to it. He was right next to me and could see my phone, so I don't know if that would have caused a scene or if he would have left quickly. Conventional wisdom says people like that don't want a scene- they want an easy target, so they'll leave if things stop going their way- arguably calling the police would have likely resulted in him leaving the second he saw me dialing, but I was still a little afraid to risk it. If it went on for much more, I probably would have.
      January 31, 2018 4:46 PM MST
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  • 14795
    If you have a camera phone , take a photo of your car and the street name ,don't take just one either....

    Another thing you can do is look on goggle maps before you leave and look at where the venue your visiting is.... Maybe write down where you park before you leave your car...

    Failing that,put Tracker on your car and if you mislay it ,dial Tracker and they will tell you exactly where it is.....

    I had it put on my people carrier when I got it.....there are Trackers  you can get for mobile phones to......and even ones to find your lost or miss laid key....lol
      January 31, 2018 5:11 PM MST
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  • 7939
    Yes! I actually usually do the photo trick. My camera is full of photos of parking garages and street signs for that reason. This was the first time I didn't do that, but only because I thought I was being even smarter by marking my spot on the digital map. And, I did plan where to park and walk, but then I messed it up at the last moment by parking in the wrong garage. I just decided to stay there because it was "close enough" and I assumed I'd be fine. A series of small mistakes that wound up in one big mess. 

    I LOVE the car tracker idea. I should look for one of those. I almost never go into the city. I usually avoid it like the plague, particularly when I'm alone, so I haven't had much use for something like that, but if I do continue venturing out, that's a good tool to add to my arsenal. 
      January 31, 2018 6:03 PM MST
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  • 17599
    Not going by yourself would have made such an event less frightening.   His behavior was harassment and you could have dialed 911.   You know if you think you are close to your car but can't find it you can always press the red button on your key fob and your car with make all kind of noise.  

    This post was edited by Thriftymaid at January 31, 2018 4:46 PM MST
      January 31, 2018 6:35 AM MST
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  • 7939
    I actually did meet up with a friend at the venue, but she took public transit to get there and I drove, so we walked in opposite directions when we left the venue. 

    The key fob idea is a good one. It wouldn't have worked in my situation (I wasn't close and my car/ fob don't work anymore), but it's a good tip for others reading this to keep in mind. I also agree 911 would have been an option, but probably a last line of defense. 

    Thanks for your answer.
      January 31, 2018 4:53 PM MST
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  • 234
    What a terrifying experience!!! Being caught off guard like that is the first issue...but when you can't shake him, terror starts creeping in, I am sure. I can relate a similar experience many light years ago when times were a little better, or seemed that way. 
    I had gone to a concert with a couple of my buddies and after the concert we were still thrilled about the concert (Linda Ronstadt opened for Neil Young) and walking back to my pick up. We were buzzed, but I always kept my s**t together despite the influences of manufactured products. Up ahead of us, I saw a chick talking to a guy and it looked like he may be harassing her, but never sure....may be fighting. As we got close, she looked at us and then did what you thought about doing...she ran up to me and said "I didn't know you were coming to this concert!!!" No clue who she was, but pretty hot looking and I figured my stud looks overwhelmed her.....or maybe I was so buzzed I didn't recognize her. She just started talking about the concert and I just played along....of course, my two buddies are standing in awe of me knowing such a hot looking babe. So we kept talking and I kept eyeing the dude and pretty soon, he starts walking off. 2+2=4 every time and I knew what was happening and so did my friends. One of them yelled "Hey...come back here!!" And the guy ran like crazy. We walked her to her car which ended up in the same parking lot where we parked. No luck getting her number or any chance of a future date or anything. She was pretty shaken up and romance was definitely not on her mind. 
    It sounds as though you had few options and you were smart to take ANY option that was reasonable. Also, the guard probably was your best bet after all. At least he had radio contact with other guards to try to locate your car. Odd that it was the same address of that garage and NOT the right one. Where WAS your car in proximity of that one? 
      January 31, 2018 7:15 AM MST
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  • 7939
    Thank you for sharing that! I seriously wondered if anyone would go along with it, and I had a lot of trouble trying to decide which people would be most likely to. 

    The whole car thing was insanely weird. I almost feel like I parked in a phantom garage. Not only did the guards not know what garage I was in, they didn't recognize the company name stamped on my ticket, and they said the only other garage within a couple miles was owned by the same company the one I was in was. I think it was about a block away, but I was sooooo turned around. Like I said, I'm already bad with directions and having that guy follow me made me even more flustered than usual. I know I went in the wrong garage one way and exited through to a different street, and walked about another block. But, it still gets weirder, because I recognized the signs for the right garage, but the entry said it had no visitor parking. I went in anyway and it was empty. I wandered the building for a few minutes before I found my way into the main building's lobby, which also happened to have a guard on duty. I showed him my ticket and he took me straight to my car, which was in a totally different direction than the garage I had come from. I wouldn't have found it if he hadn't taken me there. 

    In the aftermath, I really wanted to contact both companies and tell them how amazing their staff is. I feel really lucky that they were able to help, and they did it with such kind natures. They could have assumed I was there to cause trouble or mess with them, and they didn't. They took my story at face value and helped. Anyway, I pulled up a map of the area I was in. The garage I parked in is not on it. I used Google Maps to retrace my steps, using the 3-D option like you're walking on the street- that building is not there. I remember the name on the front of the building. That company does not have a building where I was. For all intents and purposes, I seemed to have parked in a garage that does not exist- not in any map, not to anyone who knows the area. 
      January 31, 2018 5:13 PM MST
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  • 234
    Somehow, I picture Rod Serling saying "You have now entered the Twilight Zone.....
    I dated a girl that had the same problem with parking and forgetting where she parked. Going to the mall or the grocery store, she ALWAYS tried to park in the same area...the same SPOT if possible. I know she went to the mall one time and called me crying to come get her because someone had stolen her car. I told her I was on my way, but check with security to see if they could see anything. When I got there, she was in her car waiting for me in the area she always parked. Security had found her car...she had parked in a different area and forgot.

    Another weird one....concert night again. We parked on one of the lots and they are all "color coded", so you just have to remember which color lot you parked on. We got out and there were some girls climbing out of their car and were all talking about how they would be able to find there car after the concert. Being the gentleman I always am in the presence of scantily clad ladies, I told them just to remember the color of the lot. It got me no where with them, but they did thank me. Craziest thing was after the concert, their car was gone, but there were two purses in the back end of my pick-up. There was no ID in either one and no money (RATS!!!). One of them did have an electric bill and I drove to the address later to return it, but the house was vacant. Ended up just chunking them because there was no way to find the owners...
      February 1, 2018 8:19 AM MST
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  • 34286
    Sounds like the guard was a good move. I would have called the police as well though.
    Guard was good call also could have went into a store and went to public restroom and called police. This post was edited by my2cents at January 31, 2018 5:14 PM MST
      January 31, 2018 7:44 AM MST
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  • 7939
    All good solutions, though I don't think I would have gone into a bathroom- too secluded. 

    Appreciate the answer! 
      January 31, 2018 5:15 PM MST
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  • 234
    I have to agree...a public bathroom IS too secluded and if you felt like you were his prey, you offered a great place to become a victim. I guess I've seen too many horror movies, huh?....
      February 1, 2018 8:22 AM MST
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  • 6098
    You did just right.  Best to always be in pretty close proximity to other people. And you could have walked up to a couple or even a single men and said "May I please walk with you? This person I don't know is following me and making me uncomfortable".  Be honest - most people will understand and want to help us.   While we want to think we can go anywhere we want at any time I think best to be prudent - go with a man or men or another couple and stay with them.  While I don't know how to work those GPS gadgets you could have drawn yourself a map on the way in as you walked including landmarks and street sign etc. so you would have been better able to know where you were going. 

    A lot of men would not necessarily mean us any bodily harm but do stuff like that to make themselves feel more powerful or superior.  Best to not let them draw us into conversation or any kind of response as those only encourage them.  Best to be uninterested and cold to them and focused elsewhere.  But careful and always vigilant. 
      January 31, 2018 8:28 AM MST
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  • 7939
    Part of the problem was that I did map out where I was going and what streets I would be on in advance, but then I went into the wrong garage and just decided to stay there because it was so close to where I should have been. 

    I did ignore most of his questions. Actually, I'm deaf in one ear, and he happened to be on that side, so I could tell he was still quizzing me, but couldn't tell all the questions he was asking, so ignoring him was easy. Most people assume I'm ignoring them when I really can't hear them. Equally, he wasn't just a guy trying to feel superior or failing at flirting. He looked "rough." He clearly wasn't in the city for a night of fun. He didn't look homeless per se, but he didn't look like he belonged where he was either. Whereas most everyone else in the area was young professionals dressed up for a night out, he was probably in his 50s, wearing a tracksuit, and carrying a duffel bag. And, like I said, he was asking about who was waiting for me and stuff... those aren't normal questions. 

    The group idea is probably a safe bet.

    Thanks for your response. 
      January 31, 2018 5:32 PM MST
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  • 5808
    you did good...
    Am thinking i would have
    hit the 911 as well...
      January 31, 2018 8:54 AM MST
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  • 2327
    Sounds like you did the best you could. If you have to go out alone again I would recommend carrying a weapon of some kind. It doesn't necessarily have to be a gun if you're not comfortable with one; pepper spray, perhaps. 

    Additionally, I would highly recommend (Brazillian) Jiu Jitsu. It's probably the best self defense system out there, one that anybody can do (men, women, old/young, disabled), and one you don't have to be relatively advanced in before you could use it effectively on the street. 

      January 31, 2018 3:33 PM MST
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  • 7939
    I used to carry pepper spray, but you can't take that or any other "weapon" into a concert venue. They do purse checks. 

    I haven't taken a self-defense class in ages, but that's a really great point. It's kind of like CPR... you need to keep doing refreshers, so it stays part of your instinct. 

    This incident left me with a very icky feeling, and I was seriously thinking I should just stop going out. After seeing your reminder about self-defense classes, I feel better about things. I'm going to look one up and get signed up again. Thank you!
      January 31, 2018 5:37 PM MST
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  • You did very well because you succeeded in getting rid of him.

    I agree that GPS is notoriously unreliable.
    If I have to visit a city, I use a hard-copy street-directory and memorise my route before starting out.
    Writing down the name, address and position of the car is helpful in unfamiliar places.
    Phoning 911 was a good option, also giving them your cell no. & keeping it on so they can find you as you move.
    Going up to a couple of strangers and saying "I need to shake off a stalker. Can I stick with you until he's gone?" would probably work. I think the majority of people would be more than happy to help.
    Going into a business would have been fine, since even if he followed you, he couldn't do much with witnesses present.
    Possibly you could have been slightly more assertive: "I'm good alone" is an ambiguous statement. It doesn't make clear "No. I want to be alone."
    I agree that he was testing.
      January 31, 2018 3:51 PM MST
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  • 7939
    GPS has always been my savior. lol I have never had any serious issues with it being unreliable- it's way more reliable than I'll ever be. 

    I mentioned it in one of my other answers, but I did have my route planned out. The issue came in that I parked in the wrong garage and just decided to stay there. That was probably my first mistake, but I figured because it was so close to where I should be that the GPS thought I was already there, it was close enough to not be an issue. 

    I did become more firm with him as it continued on. I think my first response was pretty casual. I initially thought he was homeless and was going to ask for change, so when he asked if he could walk with me, I gave more of a gentle no. By the time he started saying he was helping me and going to make sure I got to my car safely, that's when I was firm and said, "No, I don't want help." When that didn't shake him, after I gave him the very firm "no," I didn't say another word to him until I saw the guard and I told the guy to wait while I asked for directions... that was only because I didn't want him to hear what I was saying to the guard. I have no idea how long he waited or if he waited at all. I didn't look behind me again until I reached the guard, and then I didn't see the man by the entry, or again at all, for that matter, so I suspect he bailed knowing what I was doing. 

    The rest of the time, he was literally right by my side. I had my cell phone out because I was watching my foot path as it was "directing me to my car" (supposed to be anyway). He was close enough to see it and was making remarks about how my car should have been right where we were. Ergo, I don't know if I could have been very vocal with another stranger without causing an issue- the guy would have heard every word. That's one of the reasons I pondered pretending to know someone, versus outright asking for help on the onset. I didn't know for sure whether he would bail or become confrontational, and I was trying to avoid confrontation. 

    The suggestions you offered are all solid, though, and are helpful for anyone to keep in mind in similar situations. Thank you.
      January 31, 2018 5:56 PM MST
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  • 22891
    i wouldve told him to get lost before i call the police
      January 31, 2018 4:00 PM MST
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  • 46117
    OH my GOD.   I am at the part where the stalker says "I just want to make sure you get to your car safe." 

    I had to stop.  I know you are alright, because you are here writing about it, but I still have trouble reading on because I am so scared for you.   Oh, man.  If there was ever a need for mace.....


    A gun would be too iffy.   

    MACE.   Anyway, I am going to read on.... this is creepy.  Glad you are safe, of course.

    Ok.   That was magnificent.  What you did to escape his clutches and knowing that you had options, showed an ability to summarize the situation and change the outcome as it became necessary.  


    You told that tale very well indeed. I was riveted and relieved you are fine and dandy.  

    What either of us would do if we found ourselves alone in a park with such a creep and no one around?  I would just want to die.  I know if I ran, it would just escalate the inevitable, but the chances of coming out of not being raped are very slim indeed.   You may thank the stars for your life if you live.

    UGGGGH This post was edited by WM BARR . =ABSOLUTE TRASH at January 31, 2018 6:32 PM MST
      January 31, 2018 5:39 PM MST
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  • 7939
    Thank you.

    Unfortunately, you can't take mace or pepper spray into a venue. I had gone out to catch some live music at a place that does bag checks before you can go inside. So, carrying something like that wasn't an option. 
      January 31, 2018 6:07 PM MST
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  • 46117
    I understand absolutely.   OH MAN.  He was a predator supreme and may have even figured that into the plan.  

    AGAIN...YOU DID AMAZING.  
    (Randy will correct this grammar mishap)


    This post was edited by WM BARR . =ABSOLUTE TRASH at January 31, 2018 7:52 PM MST
      January 31, 2018 7:23 PM MST
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  • 11009
    I agree with Pearl. You have nothing to lose by telling him in a very loud voice to back off and leave you alone. Most likely, he will realize that you are not an easy target and walk away.  If not, he has given you a reason to yell for someone to call the police.  It is not necessary to be polite or interact with a stranger in this situation. It's OK to look like a crazy lady. 
      January 31, 2018 9:22 PM MST
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