I bit of both, I would think. My first wife and I gradually drifted apart over the years until she finally told me to leave. After we separated, it was I who filed for divorce.
If you have a relationship and want to keep it, it will require a conscious effort to maintain it at a level comfortable for both of you---otherwise it will probably die for lack of sustenance....
And it's very hard to me to keep quite when someone says "Oh, we just drifted apart while we were married"----my inclination is to land on them with both feet.
But, I will admit that if one is committed and the other is not, no relationship will last.
A bit of both I think, the old saying time heals is very true... time lessens pain, bad memories, sadness etc.. and aside from that we generally pick ourselves up, dust ourselves off and start again. So yes we do sometimes mentally and physically do things to move on
A bit of both. I think it's important to allow the natural feelings to run their course in their own time. It helps with "grokking" the lessons, which gives the next relationship a better chance. I think it's not wise to move into another relationship until all the grief and anger has subsided.
But I think one can help speed the process by developing talents, interests and projects.
Go ahead and cry and eat a gallon of ice cream for a few days. Then get up and go do your life like the strong person you are. You are going to miss him and the relationship.......even if it is what you wanted. We miss a headache when it is finally gone. :)
Well, it does have to do with the depth of the feelings for the other person. They aren't all killers but, yes, I have experienced one that almost killed me, literally (not figuratively). The best thing I can say about that is that I can't be devastated again. It won't ever happen again.
Zack 