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Discussion » Questions » Family » Someone I despised died last night and her daughter whom I despise even more, texted me about it. What should I say back?
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Someone I despised died last night and her daughter whom I despise even more, texted me about it. What should I say back?

This woman was one of the most troubled in the head people you can imagine.  She was smart enough to function fine, but she was a total trouble-making liar who would do anything to be the center of attention.

Her daughter, who texted me, turned on me after I made peace with my mother and her.  My mother was dying and she and my cousin, this woman, had not spoken for years. I brokered that peace between them.  Her mother who died, tried to get my mother to throw me out of our house because she believed a lie about me that was insanely ridiculous.

So, this is the kind of people these two are.  They are trouble-making, sick, toxic, entitled sad sacks. 

How do I respond?

The woman who texted me, showed up in court in a case against my brother assaulting me and took his side in court without telling me she was appearing on his behalf.

He hurt me and she took his side.

I'm supposed to say WHAT to her now?

Posted - March 29, 2018
Tags : None

Responses


  • 3375
    Coming from a toxic family myself, I actually get the plight here.

    I would simply say that you were sorry for HER loss and leave it at that.  
      March 29, 2018 9:27 AM MDT
    6

  • 46117
    Well, no.  It was far worse than that.   I feel sorry for my enemies.  I have this flaw where I feel it is my duty to forgive.  Well, that only works if there is something TO forgive. 

    These people  cannot be forgiven because they have no idea that they did a thing that needs to be forgiven.   They are toxic, miserable people that cannot be trusted.  They will stick a knife in your back anytime it could make them look good. 

    Maybe that is why I hate Trump so much.  I see this all around me.  People like this who will lie, cheat and pretend they are the most wonderful creatures on earth.  Meanwhile, watch your back.

    That is the person that died.  And her daughter is worse.


    I told her to never contact me again.  I told her I will never, ever forget what she has done.  I told her there is a special place in HELL for her and her mother and my brother.  And I feel great.

    Do you know what my brother did the night my mom died?  This is MY MOM.  I took care of her every day of my life.  He called people up drunk in front of me and shouted into the phone that I killed her.  He did this for hours.  All night.  While my mom was lying dead in the living room. 

    So, I think I was being kind. 



      March 29, 2018 7:22 PM MDT
    2

  • 3375
    OMG...you and I have the same family!  Seriously.  Everything you described is what happened to me with my sister after my mother died.  She's a drunk and a pathological liar.  She said and did things that has made me decide I cannot ever allow her back into my life.  I don't say that lightly either.  I loved her very much, but in the course of a decade, she became a miserable, bitter human being.  No one could have told me growing up that she would end up this way.  It took me some good therapy to understand this family I grew up in.  Parents dying seem to bring the worst out in siblings and that is what happened after I was left to care for my mom.  

    I am truly sorry for what you have been through.  It's a pain I wish on no one.  But we have a right to a life without them.  

    I revise my first answer to you.  Ignore, ignore, ignore.  I even have my phone blocked and any other communication.  I know what it is to have a family like this.  And unless others have lived it, they won't get it.  
      March 29, 2018 9:58 PM MDT
    0

  • 404
    tell her your sorry for her loss...if your not.. its easy to just not respond.
      March 29, 2018 9:28 AM MDT
    5

  • 46117
    Read my answer to Pea Pod. 
    Maggie, some things are just unspeakably unforgiveable and must be addressed for closure.
      March 29, 2018 7:24 PM MDT
    1

  • 404
    yikes, then do what you must. I probably would have ended that mess long ago...just cut them right out of my life. ive done that with several people..some related some not...but nothing compared to what your describing. I let them go before I hate them. Makes my life more pleasant.  I also can live more peacefully without wasting my energy on being mad at a$$holes who are miserable, and their only pleasure in life is to try to make other people miserable. This post was edited by maggie at March 29, 2018 10:00 PM MDT
      March 29, 2018 9:09 PM MDT
    1

  • 19942
    I would just not respond or say, "Note to self - don't send anymore birthday cards."
      March 29, 2018 9:32 AM MDT
    3

  • 32700
    Just "Sorry for you loss" and leave it at that. 
      March 29, 2018 9:42 AM MDT
    4

  • 46117
    I'm not sorry.   

    I am thrilled.  And if you knew the story, you would understand.

      March 29, 2018 7:25 PM MDT
    1

  • 3463
    I wouldn't say anything at all, and I would block her anyway I could from contacting me again.
    If she keeps trying to contact you report her for stalking.
      March 29, 2018 9:43 AM MDT
    2

  • 22912
    As I read your question, I was thinking along the lines of the responses that are posted as of now, 29 April, from Lulu'sMom, my2cents, SpunkySenior, maggie and Pea Pod.

    EDIT: I forgot to post the time I posted - - the only answers that were posted when I posted were the ones I mentioned This post was edited by WelbyQuentin at March 30, 2018 7:14 AM MDT
      March 29, 2018 2:15 PM MDT
    2

  • 6477
    My vote is to go with your heart... be honest, with yourself and them.. these people have hurt you... do they deserve your forgiveness? DO they want it, would they know how to use it wisely without abusing it again? If not then either don't reply or tell them you are sorry but they are texting the wrong person.

    I am a forgiver and a truster... but some people abuse it and you have to make sure you don't allow them another chance to hurt you. 

    If it helps I am in a situation, quite shocking to me where I am working with people who have behaved in a truly mean and unpleasant way... and they are now forcing me to work more closely with them.. it's going to be very  very hard not to tell them what I think of them!
      March 29, 2018 4:03 PM MDT
    1

  • 13395
    Maybe make sure the person IS dead. Maybe the daughter just wants to see how you react. At least pretend you are really sad about it. 
      March 29, 2018 4:33 PM MDT
    2

  • 17404
    Yeah, make a game out of it..........

      March 29, 2018 4:45 PM MDT
    0

  • 22912
    I've seen people do strange things just like what you mention. Just to get/see a reaction.
      March 29, 2018 7:14 PM MDT
    2

  • 13395
    Was a guy I know who was telling people his sister had died. She WAS sick but didn't die. Dunno what his purpose was.
      March 29, 2018 8:48 PM MDT
    2

  • 17404
    Nothing or something heart felt.  
      March 29, 2018 4:46 PM MDT
    2

  • 46117
    Oh I said something heart felt.

    It felt GOOD too.

      March 29, 2018 7:15 PM MDT
    3

  • 5614
    Say to her what all along you have been saying for her to believe you are on good terms. With at least two of those concerned now dead why tell her now how you feel? You may have led her into believing you will always continue your compliant never defiant ways. Speaking your mind there as you do here should have been from the very start.
      March 29, 2018 8:46 PM MDT
    0