Discussion»Statements»Rosie's Corner» What kind of parent are you? The kind who bullies your kids into being mini-yous so they think/act/speak/vote as you do? Are they puppets?
One of the cardinal rules that I established when my kids came along, was that I would never try to live vicariously in their interests and chosen vocations. While my children are like me in certain respects, they pursued their own careers and interests. We've all been better off for it. I simply don't approve of people that force that issue by trying to live two lives instead of the one that they were given. We all have our opportunities. If we fail, too bad. If a child decides to follow the path set by a parent, it should be the child's choice.
Perfect reply ub. I feel the same way exactly. Of course I am not at all displeased when I see that my son does take after me in certain respects. It delights me in fact. But there are other parts of him that are his very own and I'm delighted by that too though I don't share them. You don't own your kids They are loaned to you for a very brief time and it's your job to see to it that they reach a stage where they can leave you and go out on their own and live "good" lives. Inculcating them with partisan political views or insisting they share your religion or racist/bigoted views or lack thereof is bad parenting to me. When I say "your" I'm not speaking about you individually. I speak of all parents collectively. Some brainwash their children from birth and that is a very sad thing. I wonder how many bad parents there are out there? Thank you for your thoughtful reply.
Well, I suppose I could have done some things better but, my daughter says I'm a good dad. Good enough for me. Nope, never bullied my daughter into anything. When you bully somebody, they stop being individuals. Something I never did and never will. She chose her own career paths and I supported her. When she did come to me for advice, I would talk too and with her, not "at" her like she wasn't there. In some ways, she's a lot like me but she is an individual, with her own thoughts, beliefs, personality, and character.. As an added thought, I have a disdain for bullies and bullying. Never had any use for them or it. The thing many people tend to forget, bullying comes in all sizes, shapes, and modes. Mental, physical, spiritual, and verbal. Something that should never happen.
You're very welcome. I think you know by now that I just calls 'em as I sees 'em. Unfortunately some kids are not lucky and how they survive childhood with some of the parents we read about in the newspapers is miraculous. I wish there were some way to know in advance who those folks are and instill in them a desire to NEVER HAVE CHILDREN! Don't adopt any. Don't be a Foster Parent. Give future kids a break. Let them be born to loving, kind parents. Parenting is something you can only learn on the job. We're not perfect. I've apologized to my kid for screwing up when he was growing up more times than I can remember. But he always knew he was loved and that I was trying my best. Could I have been a better parent? I'm sure I could have if I had known how to be. I think it was Maya Angelou who said "when we know better we do better"! :) What I did do was to remember back to when I was a kid and what my mom did/said that hurt me and I did not do/say those things to my son. A template for what not to do I guess.
I agree. Making mistakes as a parent comes with the territory. Learning from those mistakes and not making them again should also come with the territory but unfortunately for some parents, that's not the case. Some parents don't care if they make mistakes so they don't bother to correct them. Others, as you mentioned, shouldn't have kids. And that also shows up in their parenting skills. Some children grow up to be fine adults in spite of their lousy parents. They break that vicious cycle. Unfortunately too many kids grow up to be a mirror image of their lousy parents. And look at the outcome. It breaks my heart to see the children having to endure that.
Like those parents whose 13 kids were tortured. Or remember the woman who drowned her kids a few years ago because her boyfriend didn't like children? I think her name was Susan something. You read about kids almost dying from dehydration or neglect or other physical abuse. You read about the kids left in hot cars who die. Little babies. To think about what they went through is unbearable. Some kids luck out while others barely survive. And you're right. Some kids find a way to survive and thrive in spite of their parents. They are the miracles. Sad way to start the day for which I apologize to you ru. Let's see. On a brighter note what is your fondest memory of your dad and your mom? And what do you think your kids will look back on and remember fondly? Thank you for your thoughtful reply and Happy Tuesday to you! :)
This post was edited by RosieG at April 3, 2018 1:59 AM MDT
I'd have to say that pretty much every memory of my parents are fond. My siblings and I were loved, cared for, disciplined when necessary, taught respect and to respect. No bad memories that I can think of. I had to learn how to be a parent and I made mistakes. As my daughter grew, I grew with her. We learned from each other and our love and bond are strong. I hope she remembers me as a dad that never left her alone, never gave up on her, and always treated her with respect. There's a lot more to it than that but that kind of covers it. :)
I would be very disappointed if a child of mine didn't grow up to be a free thinker, but I would raise them with my values.
Anyone who doesn't teach their kids their own values is a fool. This idea of setting them free to naturally find their own way is just complete nonsense. No child finds their own way. The capacity for independent thought only occurs later. Children will be influenced by SOMETHING. If that SOMETHING is not you, it will be something else. It will be the culture and the state that shapes them.
The left talk this hippy dippy, "let the chips fall where they may" sh*t because they want the state to be the primary influence on kids. They try to convince the parents to abdicate what it truly means to be a parent. Hell no. I don't want them to be anyone's puppet, but I sure as hell don't want them to be the state's puppet.
My daughter is a lot like me in the fact that neither of us listen much to other people's advice. We have to learn for ourselves.
I don't tell her what to do because she won't pay attention to me. She is good on her own because she just is made that way, but she is not my double. No way.
Benedict Arnold 