Discussion»Statements»Rosie's Corner» Do any of you adults out there do things to please your parents when you are with them and when they're gone you do what you want? Why?
My mother was born in Mississippi decades before the Civil Rights movement, which means that she experienced firsthand the abject racism and discrimination of the day. Her attitudes about and against white people are vastly different than are mine, yet she raised me and my siblings with vestiges of those experiences as the backdrop for how she wanted us to see the world and to react to the world and to interact with the world. She lived with an era of dark skin being associated with everything negative and white skin everything good. There were lynchings taking place because black men looked at white women, or black women gang-raped by white men who faced no punishments. Many other examples existed, too many to list here. I set that up to explain how my answer to your question is relevant. My mother is not a proponent of black people dating, marrying, or even having sex with white people. She made that quite clear to us as we reached the age wherein youngsters first begin to show interest in the opposite gender, pre-teens. Her words still echo in my head lo these decades later: "Whatever you do, don't you ever walk in here with a white girl." Wow.
Even though I have in my lifetime shared dating and/or sexual experiences with women of varying ethnicities, including white women, I have never paraded white women in my mother's path. I am cognizant of her perceptions, and with no need to anger her or hurt her, I never flaunted that in her face. I did, of course, have to ask myself what I would do if I became serious with, fell in love with and wanted to marry a white woman, what would I do as far as my mother was concerned? I never reached that bridge, so the answer remains a mystery. ~
That did cause me concern when it came to letting my mother know my intentions, but she surprised me completely. She simply said to me something along the lines of, "Oh. Well, they're almost just like black people anyway." ~
I do so many things to please my parents and most likely always will Rosie... Our parents have always been there for us all and now we are there for them...:)
You are a very sweet daughter D and I know that comes from having terrific parents. You have siblings too with whom you get along but not every family is as loving or so lucky. It's one thing to WANT to do it and another entirely to really not want to do it but you do it anyway grudgingly because you feel obligated and you don't want to make waves. But you resent it. Fortunately that's not your family's ID! Thank you for your reply! :)
Well I left home when I was 17. But always when I would visit I would try to be pleasant and upbeat and stay away from any subjects I felt would upset them. Always.
nope. im not going to pretend to be a different person to please them. they used to expect it, but when i moved out at 18 they started to realize their expectations were destroying our relationship. the straw that broke the camels back was def when i had my first serious relationship and my step dad didn’t approve because of his race (amoung numerous other reasons, but im not stupid and I KNOW what he was thinkin). i cut them out of my life for about 6 months. i Never asked to be born so i am going to make the most of it and do what makes me happy. as long as i am not hurting myself or others they should be 100 percent supportive of my decisions.
Amen and hallelulya! I think that is very wise. It's important to be yourself and not pretend or pretzelize or stifle whom you really are just to please others. It seems to me as long as you are not mean or cruel or purposely hurtful they ought to be proud of you and love the authentic you. Maybe they don't see eye-to-eye with some of your choices but so what? You don't see eye-to-eye with some of theirs either I bet. The thing is if a person isn't hurting anyone purposefully(we sometimes do inadvertently or accidentally) and is kind and thoughtful and civil why would it matter whom he/she loves or how he/she dresses? I see no benefit in being anything other than whom you are at any given time. Now that you may change as time goes on or it may remain exactly the same. You should like you. If you don't you have to figure out why and change it because your relationship with yourself is gonna be the longest one you ever have so it should be cordial, friendly, comfy. Thank you for your thoughtful reply wttp and Happy Wednesday to thee! :)
Randy D 