Can someone explain how people can “fall in love” with someone they’ve never met in person?
I know someone who says he and this “woman” who met on a dating site are in love and they’ve never met in person and barely spoke to on the phone. They mostly text. It seems ridiculous and foolish to me.
It’s hard to quantify what someone we’ve never met considers to be “love”. I agree the whole premise you cite reeks of absurdity, desperation and a skewed perception of what romantic love truly is. To me, it cheapens the beauty and value of the whole experience.
But then, who am I to say these people aren’t truly in (some kind of) love with whatever perception of their counterpart they may hold?
As one who has been married nearly 30 years, I couldn’t expect my definition of real love to be comparable (or even comprehensible) to someone who claims to have romantic love for a person they’ve never actually met, any more than I understand how they can define love in this way.
This post was edited by Don Barzini at October 5, 2018 11:26 AM MDT
Out of a modicum of respect for those unknown to me, I wasn’t going to go so far as to indict such a person as a sucker, but yes, there is always that.
This post was edited by Don Barzini at October 5, 2018 11:27 AM MDT
I respect that. I know him well and the situation well. I can say he’s being a fool regarding this situation. He’s lonely and desperate. It’s made him foolish. I’ll always be there for him, but I refuse to lie to or coddle him right now. I’ve always been honest to a fault and I won’t be a part of self-destructive behavior. I said what I had to say and he refuses to listen. He’s on his own.
Falling "in love" has nothing to do with love. It's more like falling out of reality or sanity.
Something about the other trips off an unconscious process connected to unconscious needs. On the surface of the conscious mind, the two people on a dating site probably both wanted "love" in the form of romance and sex. Maybe they were also looking for potential permanence. Each is looking for a particular type, and probably certain ways of speaking give a clue. Once the mind says "yes, this is it," the rest is all fantasy and projection. The person in-love minimizes or excuses the traits that don't fit the ideal model of The Right One, and project the most positive possible interpretation on all the good signs, clues, words and actions.
It's not unusual for people to have love and/or sex addiction - in which case, it doesn't take much to trigger the hormones - they're using the emotional high to escape from uncomfortable feelings in themselves or in their life situation.
To love someone, one has to know them very, very well.
To fall in love, all that's needed is the right mood, setting, a few good characteristics - the "right" "idea" of the other. It can't last because something in the mind-body returns eventually to balance and homeostasis - and the falling out will inevitably be painful. Many people experience it once or twice in their youth. Some people live their whole lives that way.
Just read your second answer to JA.
Good on you for calling the scam - that's a true friend.
This post was edited by inky at October 5, 2018 11:28 AM MDT
So this is how I find out that you're not really in love with me, is that what you're trying to say? What have you been doing all this time, just stringing me along? Grrrrrrrrrrr. ~
I have a friend who has a son who they all claim was "dating" a girl for 4 years. This girl and he went to the same school - but they didn't have any classes together. They never talked in the halls between classes, or went to after-school activities together. Nor did they attend any social activities or even just "hang out" together.
But because they texted daily, they were "dating".
As soon as they started actually hanging out with each other ... they broke up after a week. Because it turned out they couldn't stand each other in real life. He was depressed and "suicidal" for a month afterwards - because everybody claimed their relationship was "so good".
"Dude," I told him. "When you actually started being together, THAT is when your relationship started. That's the purpose of actual dating. You really only knew her for a week. Get over it."
Maybe they are romantics and enjoy the feelings that come a long with falling in love by attaching those love feelings to something that fits the criteria, in there minds, to the real deal. Its called making ones own reality, no matter how unreal it seems to the rest.
Rizz 