Can someone explain how people can “fall in love” with someone they’ve never met in person?
I know someone who says he and this “woman” who met on a dating site are in love and they’ve never met in person and barely spoke to on the phone. They mostly text. It seems ridiculous and foolish to me.
Quick! Find all sides of a right triangle whose perimeter is equal to 60 cm and its area is equal to 150 square cm.
When someone asks a question totally out the subject of what you are thinking and pull up a math question. I am better at geometry than I am algebra or any of those letter/number math things! I"m just playin'. You don't have to find the answer. :) :) But, did ya?? ;) :)
This was referring back to Randy's question about test you detest.
Rizz's question is equally as hard. :)
This post was edited by Merlin at October 5, 2018 5:04 AM MDT
Precisely. Love is something we can all describe. It is not an absolute. My point being that I have no clue nor do I want to fathom how Rizz's friend can "fall in love" with a screen and typed words. To me that is not the same as the "love" I have with and for Don or my parents or sister, etc. I do love people here. I love the thought and words they put together and the personality that combines them. I trust those are the same people I would meet physically in time and space. I especially like the adult side of this site. What we share there is fun and knowledge we gain. I do not expect to act those out with any of those people nor they me.
Off the adult side and back to this, the time and space and maturity we travel in that binds certain people together is great. There is time for sharing and caring. There are great friends to have and many things to learn. But, to base an entire life-changing relationship with intimacy seems a little far-fetched from a screen. I am still baffled when people believe that to be real. To simplify all this babble, the key word is "feel." To me, you must "feel" the person. Their aura. Their person. Not necessarily what they look like but what they "feel" like.
This post was edited by Merlin at October 9, 2018 3:55 AM MDT
Hi Tom, Referring back to past questions and answers, you twice suggested to me that I could change things if I changed my "paradigm." At first, I thought you were mistaken because you don't know enough of the background facts. But now I wonder what you really meant. Would you be open to a conversation about it?
This post was edited by inky at October 5, 2018 11:24 AM MDT
I would agree with you. I don't believe that is true love, which comes with seeing, feeling, looking at someone directly, etc. It's more like loving the idea of being in love.
I think that love is something that we desire so strongly and that we are pre-wired for, that our mind often plays tricks on us. When we don't know someone fully, we can "fill in the blanks" and, in our minds, turn that person into someone we want them to be, rather than who they truly are.
Love is a tricky word. There are different levels and meanings that can be attached.
When you attach how you "feel" in an intimate way, (which is what your friend is saying he is experiencing,) I don't think it is humanly possible. I have lots of friends I love that I have never met. Right here for example. I don't have a desire to be intimate with them or them me. We have fun and care for one another and keep each other in good company. When you want to involve a sensual or sexual side, through the internet, even with skpe, you need to feel the other person's aura. I don't know how they do it. Maybe they have never had an intimate feeling in the real world. I'm not talking just sex. I'm talking about really caring for another. If they have never done that, then maybe. I'm sorry Rizz. I don't have the answer. I tried to walk us through it but I can't come up with a reasonable explanation or definition. It would be one-sided in his/her mind. It would be what he wants it to be. My definition, to "fall in love" isn't something that is done over a screen or a phone. I hope others have thoughts that will help you. It takes two to tango. Two people in the flesh to tango.
Really I have absolutely no idea. Must be more wishful thinking than anything. But then I'm a hands-on girl. At most just on the net I think you can be no more than favorably disposed toward someone.
When someone "meets" another person on-line, they form a mental image of how they think that person is in real life. They imaging how the other person might look, how they might sound, how they might act,and so forth. It's this mental image that people "fall in love" with. The more they get to know the other person (pictures, videos, writings, etc.), the more they will fine-tune this image. If any information about the other person is missing, they'll fill it in with things that they like or desire. For example, if one person never said whether or not they like dogs and the other person likes dogs, then that person will usually assume that the other person likes dogs as well.
Proximity is a factor in all relationships, but it isn't the only factor. Things like shared experiences and sharing confidences/ secrets, and helping the other all matter in the bond you form.
I think few would disagree whether you can form friendships. I have some amazing online friends; people whom I rarely speak to on the phone, but have exchanged thousands of messages with over the years. I have also felt the burn of betrayal- people who behaved as friends and were trusted, then behaved in unfathomable ways. It makes no difference that it was online. Those were real people whom I once trusted.
I work online too. I have really good relationships with some of my clients- quite personal ones.
And, I have fallen in love with someone I haven't met before. Lots of messages. Lots of shared experiences. Lots of sharing secrets or confidences. I didn't fill in the blanks as some have suggested happens. But, one of the cool things about meeting online is that you can get to the heart of things easier. It's easier to share your secrets or innermost thoughts. So, you form relationships based more on that connection. You can also overlook superficial things easier. That was one thing that I was taken aback by because I don't really think about the surface stuff when I talk to people online. How they look, their age, etc... these things don't enter into it online. So, then you meet someone in real life and you already have the attachment to them... the superficial measures are irrelevant. I mean, sure... if you show up and the person is nothing like their photos or they're a yeti or something... ok... fine, there may be no real attraction or your feelings might vaporize. But, if you're realistic and you're both honest, it can be just as real online.
I have online friends. Some I’m very close to. I suppose I’m cynical and pessimistic. I’m not trusting of people, especially online. I know I shouldnt be this way, but life experiences and work have made me this way. I work with inmates. It makes you cynical and untrusting of others. I also don’t open up to people easily.
I do agree it’s easier to open up to people online who you haven’t met and it’s easier to put away superficial tendencies as you focus on their personality. I don’t believe I’m one who can fall in love with someone I haven’t been face to face with.
There’s more to this specific story. My friend sent this woman $300 without meeting her. She has given two lame and unconvincing stories for why she hasn’t met him yet. Both times she claims she ended up in the hospital. She wouldn’t tell him which one, wouldn’t let him visit, and wouldn’t let him call her at the hospital. We haven’t spoken for over a week because I bluntly told him he’s being played for a fool and she’s full of crap. I’m not going to support someone who‘s abandoned common sense and critical thinking.
I briefly tried a couple of dating sites. I had two women giving me sob stories and asking for money before I even spoke to them on the phone, let alone meet them. That was enough for me. He’s being a complete dumb *** in my opinion.
Unbelievable. But sad too. People lacking the normal social graces are so alone they will reach out to almost anyone. And they want to make a positive difference to someone in life so they pay up and that's that. Then later they feel hurt and wonder what they did wrong. People are so wanting to have some kind of connection with others they are willing to put their trust in almost anyone and anything.
It’s sad. I tried to help. He won’t listen. I won’t be a part of this. I refuse to lie to him, coddle him, or condone such stupid self-destructive behavior. I told him what he needed to hear. It’s on him now.
There is good and bad and you should be skeptical in these situations. I had a roommate for a little while. She found some guy on Match and right away- I mean within a day or two- he was telling her he loved her. She was smitten right away. He had her convinced he was some hot shot real estate guy who lived here but was working on a deal in another state and was about to bring home a big check. The first thing he promised her was a car- he was going to let her get any car she wanted with his check. After a few more days, he told her to start looking at houses. I'm in the background warning her he's not legit. I even researched him online and the man didn't exist. She wouldn't accept that.
Well, the first issue was that his deal closed, but they didn't pay him and he had to pay for a hotel for a couple days but didn't have money. I told her that was bogus because he also claimed to be working for a company and, if true, the company would have paid for his hotel, not him.
Then, he said he wasn't getting paid and wanted to come home to her, but didn't have the cash. She said she didn't give him cash. I don't know.
Then, he said he got paid and was driving to go put the money in the bank, but that he was mugged and hospitalized. I don't remember all the details, but there was only one hospital within a few hours of the area he was supposedly staying. I told her to call and ask to be put through to his room. She said she did, but again, I doubt that because the next thing was that he needed money for medical care and to get back home.
Throughout all this, she swore up and down that she gave him no money at all... but... supposedly her bank account miraculously lost $1,000 and she didn't know how it happened. She could only surmise he got into her bank account. This was followed by him calling repeatedly and making death threats to her.
So... yeah. If I was a betting person, I'd say she wired him the money or something. I doubt he got into her bank account. But, she was a special kind of person and was very lonely- heartbroken after having just broken up with her long-term boyfriend.
Crappy people do exist and they prey on the vulnerable. But, that doesn't mean everyone is crappy. There are some genuinely good people.
Suffice it to say, I also know of people who have lent money to their online friends- people they've never met. And, despite the fact that it is arguably a horrible idea, the borrower paid it back right away and no harm was done. So, there are bad stories for sure and people should be cautious, but not everybody is bad.
tom jackson 