Have you really, really felt another person's emotional pain?

I've wept too during the terror attack in Mumbai in 2008, and when I hear of terrorist incidents when our fine young soldiers and innocent civilians pay with their lives.  This post was edited by Benedict Arnold at October 30, 2018 6:51 AM MDT

I've only had a couple of 'friends' who are as you describe, and I've chosen to distance myself from them. Anyone who won't celebrate joys and achievements isn't someone I want to surround myself with. 

I think one of most unhealthy things that people do to one another is to minimize their feelings or tell them to "get over it". Even if we've  experienced the same or very similar experience, we're all different and we don't react or process things the same way. Validating a person's feelings is one of the kindest things we can do for them. 

Yes of course but I can't help a little wondering why that we only want our emotional pain validated?  Perhaps one reason I have so few BFFs is that I became weary of validating emotional pain.  When we get together we bond through more positive shared  feelings. 

I don't think that most people only want pain and negative feelings validated. I think most people want their triumphs and positive feelings validated, too. I think it's easier and more common for (most) people to celebrate with their friends than to grieve with them. Examples of this would be wedding/baby showers, birthday parties, graduation parties, etc. It's emotionally more pleasant for us to share good feelings than bad ones, don't you think? 

Meaning you don't feel other's emotional pain? 

That is correct. I can observe it but not feel it.

As Neelie wrote - one of the primary ways we bond is by sharing emotional pain.  And as women we are more likely to draw strength from and thrive in a family and community environment rather than "going it alone".  I would venture a guess  most men would regard feeling another's emotional pain as a more a dangerous luxury or weak indulgence  because you operate in an environment where such a thing would only sidetrack you from your most important responsibilities and interests.  Yes?  No?

I would never want to bond emotionally with anyone, especially another man. See what SavvyAnsley wrote. Also, I am taking a bi-polar med which takes away a lot of emotion, which is just fine with me.

I've got to get away from this question! I'm feeling emotional pain from your lack of emotions! 

I think it's more difficult for most men because most have been raised to minimize their feelings and be strong and tough and all that crap. 

It's really unfortunate, especially for the people who love them and who they're supposed to love. 

I don't know about that. Certainly men feel but I think they process their feelings differently.  I think they are more careful about their feelings because they need to be in order to be effective in their lives. 

You are correct.

Thinking back my boyfriend was with me when we got news his Mum had suddenly passed away. We went back to the UK, and went through the long agonizing process there of her cremation service and burial. Having to wait for a long time for the autopsy. My boyfriend never cried!  He was bothered by that as I was crying so much.  He thought if he saw her it might let the floodgates open.  But even when we were granted a visitation, he still couldn't cry.  That was 2 yrs ago and he doesn't understand it.  He is a sensitive loving wonderful man and loved his sweet Mother very much.  The only emotion I saw was anger during that time.  Which he had every right to feel.  As his Mum had left arm pain, went to the dr who diagnosed a pinched nerve without doing an EKG.  Autopsy showed her Myocardium burst in 3 days after an untreated big heart attack.;( This post was edited by Benedict Arnold at October 30, 2018 6:56 AM MDT

I didn't cry when my mother died.

According to experts like Elizabeth Kubler Ross, there's no right or wrong way to grieve.
Typically most people go through six stages of grief: shock or numbness, denial, anger, bargaining, depression or deep sadness, and acceptance. These stages occur in no particular order, may recur, and there is no specific length of time for them.
The nature of the relationship strongly affects feelings of grief. If there are unconscious and/or unresolved issues with the one who died, the one still living may repress the feelings, or spend much longer in the anger or depression phases, and grief may take much longer to reach the phase of acceptance.

Often it is less difficult to lose parents when they are very old and have lived a long, full life.
It is possible to feel relief because one does not wish the loved-one to suffer,
or because the long job of intensive care has left the carer burnt out and exhausted.

As I said, most men have been raised to minimize their feelings. That doesn't mean that they don't have them. I believe that people of any gender are hindered rather than helped if they stifle or deny their feelings. 

Some great articles about men and their feelings and the science behind it, if you're interested:

https://www.apa.org/monitor/dec01/mummies.aspx
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/theory-knowledge/201411/why-is-it-so-hard-some-men-share-their-feelings
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/living-the-questions/201401/how-crack-the-code-men-s-feelings
https://brainworldmagazine.com/the-man-who-couldnt-feel/

Well acknowledging our feelings yes that is one thing.  But dwelling upon them quite another.  Most people don't want to hear our feelings unless they conform to and strengthen theirs.  So either we move through them or they can become just another bad habit.  I certainly don't expect that most men, especially my husband, are going to discuss their feelings .  If we expect them to we are not giving them the room to be themselves. Rather we need to be available if they want to but should not depend upon their doing that.  

I hope it's not most people, but sometimes it does seem that way. Empathy seems to be almost as uncommon as common sense. :(

Negative thinking can become a habit. I don't think many people realize how many things can become habits; both good and bad. 

To each their own, re: expectations and relationships. If it works for you, that's great.