No, but who left all the lights on all over the house? I must be the only one who knows how to turn off a light switch when he leaves a room. I tell you, if you worked like a sweaty dog day in and day out to pay the bills around here, you'd see it the same way I do. If that was made in China, don't bring it in my house. And who ransacked my newspaper? The front page is missing, the sports page is torn, there are coffee stains all over Section C, someone started the crossword puzzle (half the answers are all wrong), the comics are in the bottom of the bird cage, and the dog is chewing up Section E. What are all these buttons for on this computer? How many times have I told you that if you're going to use the car you have to return it with a full gas tank? You don't have to live here, you know. The homeless shelters will be a nice change, and if there's no room there, the streets are waiting for you. Speaking of which, I get sick of walking into this living room and seeing you going to seed on the couch, it's getting so I can't tell the difference between it and you. Do you think you'll earn a medal for watching television all day? Maybe the mayor will let you live at the mansion. Why do you clip your toenails and let the shrapnel fly into the carpet? It's like walking through a minefield sometimes. You've been drinking milk straight out of the carton again, I can tell. Those dishes won't wash themselves, by now there's so much slime on them that oil companies could install derricks and strike it rich. The neighbors said you've been feeding their cat bubble gum again. Do you think veterinarians work for free? You won't be happy until you have everyone in town filing lawsuits against me for the stupid things you do. I spend so much time at small claims court because of you that I should be punching a clock and getting a paycheck from them. Have I already taken my medication today? Your friends ring that phone 24 hours a day, they must be gainlessly unemployed just like you are. Do you plan to ever get a haircut, or are you waiting for old age to come along so it'll just fall out on its own? Those are load-bearing walls right there, you'd better use a stud-finder before you begin that project. Back in my day . . .
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This post was edited by Randy D at November 1, 2018 8:40 PM MDT
Take out the papers and the trash Or you don't get no spendin' cash If you don't scrub that kitchen floor You ain't gonna rock and roll no more Yakety yak (Don't talk back)
Just finish cleanin' up your room Let's see that dust fly with that broom Get all that garbage out of sight Or you don't go out Friday night Yakety yak (Don't talk back)
You just put on your coat and hat And walk yourself to the laundromat And when you finish doin' that Bring in the dog and put out the cat Yakety yak (Don't talk back)
Don't you give me no dirty looks Your father's hip; he knows what cooks Just tell your hoodlum friend outside You ain't got time to take a ride Yakety yak (Don't talk back)
If the jokes are anything to go by, that's old news.
Here's one for Halloween:
There was a knock on the front door. I called out to my wife in another room that there was an ugly witch at the door. She shouted back to give her some candy and close the door. Her mom hasn't spoken to me since ...
Randy D 