Do you think it's appropriate or inappropriate for a stepparent to have "the talk" with stepchild/stepchildren? Why or why not? ~

I think up to the couple to decide that. Of course there will undoubtedly be some input from the biological parent as well.  Obviously that would depend on a certain level of intimacy which a step-parent may not have with a child.  My stepdaughters were early and mid 20s when I met them and the older accepted me right off so we were talking about such matters almost immediately but it was more like friends sharing though I did try to offer some advice.  The younger was very suspicious of me and took a couple of years and living with us for her to warm up to me enough we could talk about such matters. 

I think it's up to the parents to decide if they're both still living and involved in the children's lives. Why? Because parents should be the ultimate decision makers for their child/ren. 

No, I do not think it is inappropriate.  I was raised in a family where parenting was done by two adults.  It was a team effort.  Whether your blood was the same didn't matter. I have a father and I have a dad.   I think if a child has two parent figures, they need to work together and not against each other. 

More to the point, why is sex such a taboo subject?  I've never understood why people think it is o.k. to buy videos and gifts for children that promote violence and not something nice.  I'm sure I would have been a terrible parent.  I would think talking about sex would be a much easier talk than why we send our children out to kill other children.

Do unto to others as you would have them do unto you... yet go out and blow this people's heads off because of their religious beliefs and/or where they live.

I just don't get it.


This post was edited by Merlin at November 16, 2018 11:43 AM MST

I think it all depends on the dynamics of the relationship between both parents. If the parents are wholly accepting of the other's partner, then I don't see a problem with it.  After all, if the step parent loves the child then they would want what's best for that child, the child may even be more likely to approach the step parent if that distance (ie not blood related), makes them feel more comfortable and less embarrassed, and if the step parent is approachable and the same gender as the child, ie a girl is more likely to speak to a woman. 

Just remember:  the same sex parent teaches the child to be a man or to be a woman; the opposite sex parent gives the approval of disapproval of what the same sex parent has taught.

Work within that framework.

It all depends on the situation. And would rely heavily on rapport between the step parent and child. 

What if both parents were stepparents like in the case of foster parents? If one of them didn’t, who would?

sonneone has to if their biological parent is gone

I agree with most of what's been said here so far. I believe parenting issues should be handled by the biological parents, but at the same time, I also recognize that a step-parent or even long-term SO may have a strong relationship with the child. Generally speaking, the bio parents should be the ones to discuss pivotal things with the children, but if someone else who is involved in the child's life has a discussion with the child and the bio parents are on board, that's fine too. 

Equally, I don't believe "the talk" should exist. I don't think I ever sat down and did that with my oldest. Rather, I gave him age-appropriate information whenever it made sense to do so. I believe he has handled all that stuff in a mature and responsible way thus far. I'm doing the same with my younger two. My 10-year-old and I discuss health and safety concerns as well as pregnancy. Somehow, she and my seven-year-old son and I got on a YouTube binge the other day... we were looking up Elmo as "IT." Funny vid. Anyway, one of the next in line had a teen going around with an Elmo puppet, ordering in drive throughs and shopping. Now, 99% of the video was silly nonsense, but "Elmo" also happened to grab condoms off the shelf in the store and remark about how he needed a large. The 10-year-old blushed and turned away. The 7-year-old looked bewildered. I explained the joke (even a 7-year-old boy is well aware boys compare and make jokes about size), and then explained in a very frank way that condoms were used during sex to prevent disease and pregnancy. Obviously, I'm not going to elaborate with younger kids beyond that, but it's these small moments that shape how kids view sex as they age. Hopefully, as these moments build, my kids will grow up like their older brother did; aware that it's natural, yet mindful of who they choose to be with, and aware of the risks involved. 

I would not want someone other than me lecturing my kids in some big ordeal, but if someone close to them happened to have one of these teaching moments, I would be ok with them providing factual information. 

Not sure. I think nowadays kids learn more from their peers. I never got 'the talk'.

Yes, if he/she adopted the child.  Otherwise, he/she is simply mom's/dad's husband/wife.  Parents don't lose their responsibilities as parents by divorcing EACH OTHER.  You do not divorce your children.  Not until we get to the other side of this big circle and get back to marriage and strong families are we going to see improvements that really matter in society. 

I'm neither a mother nor a stepmother. But I think a step-parent automatically takes over the role of a parent to give whatever guidance or advice is necessary to a stepchild in the child's best interest and  wellbeing.  

Randy? WTF?

Is there something nefarious about STEPMOTHERS AND FATHERS?  

I mean this is so vague.  Are all steps the same and only the parents can have the talk?  

Maybe the PARENTS are total morons and the STEP is a very sensitive person.