Discussion»Statements»Rosie's Corner» Assuming there's plenty of distance between the you now and the you at 22 would that you be pleased/disappointed in whom you are now? Why?
Hello Rosie... Good question...I would say that my life is quite different from where I thought I might be at my ripe ol' age. Im sure the starry eyed, ready to take on the world 22 year old would be disappointing that "his" dreams didnt come true. However the 58 year old me is not at all disappointed in where I have ended up...
That's an excellent question, I'd say a bit of both, disappointed by the fact that I was involved in a car accident that changed my life and caused me chronic pain everyday, changing all my hopes and dreams, but pleased by the fact that I've been an honest and loyal person and have not let what has happened change who I am.
First of all I am so sorry you are in constant pain. Is there anything you can take to mitigate it that's safe? My Jim has a compressed disc so he is in constant pain too but it is manageable. He plans tennis and golf every week. I'm the heavy lifter in the family. As a result my upper body strength is pretty doggone good for an old gal like me. I'm blessed to have nothing that pains me constantly. Just occasional arthritis flareups which really age brings to the life of everyone eventually. Being honest and loyal is great if and only if the folks or things you are loyal to are worthy of it. You know what I mean kj. I could have been a better person but I could have been a whole lot worse too. I am honest. I am loyal to a point. If someone is disloyal to me all bets are off. I don't believe in unconditional love. I am not a punching bag or a doormat for anyone. I'm the best friend you could have. I don't believe in revenge retaliation so I make a lousy enemy which is fine with me because it holds no interest for me. All things considered I think my parents would have liked how I turned out. I hope so. I'm sure yours are proud of you. If they're still alive lucky you! Thank you for your reply m'dear! :)
The 22 year-old me saw things from a limited point of view - what he thought he wanted and what the world said he should do/be. That me figured he knew exactly what cards would be dealt to him - good job, good wife, loving family, happy home, grandkids (eventually)... Yep, he knew exactly what would happen in his life. Then the cars were dealt - Ace of spades, three of clubs... wait, these aren't the cards that were supposed to come up.... six of spades, two of diamonds??? No, this can't be right! Life must be dealing from the bottom of the deck. Where were the hearts? Why so few diamonds? He'd been so sure he knew it all, yet not a one of the cards dealt him were what he'd expected.
I look back at that cocksure 22 year-old and laugh. No, he was never dealt a full-house ... why, he was never even dealt a lousy pair. Yet the cards that he was dealt were the exact cards that he needed to "complete" his hand. That lousy 3 of clubs was just the card he needed to help save a strangers marriage. That ace of spades was just the card he needed to help a stranger deal with extreme tragedy in their life. That six of spades was just the right card to pass to another stranger to better their hand. While He never got a single herat, he diamonds he was dealt were more than enough to sustain him. No, that 22 year-old would be so disappointed with what he is now. Yet as the cards were dealt and the game played, that 22 year-old learned that no one knows what cards are in their deck of life. He also learned to use the cards dealt to him and not complain about them.
Oh my dear Shuhak you are a poet, a writer of great depth. I took that journey with you as you described it. Much of your life was spent facilitating/enabling others to have better lives. There are such people in the world and some of us call them angels. Not from a religious perspective at all. Whether by happenstance or design (since we don't really know the answers to all the mysteries of life) you made the world better for others as you moved forward. I don't know if the cards we are dealt are predetermined or random. Superficially it appears that lotsa rotten folks get all the breaks and lotsa wonderful people lead very hard lives. It "appears" to be that way. Some believe in Karma. Some believe that a higher power controls our lives. Some believe in nothing and see life as random accidental inadvertent without meaning or purpose. Maybe we each live out our destiny. That you can know of people you helped is wonderful. I think we often "help" people and never know we did. A kind word, a smile, an "atta boy" at the right moment, an offer to help someone however we can might pull someone from the brink of depression. I think you are a very good person Shuhak. My life turned out to be nothing as I imagined it would be. I had an extremely severe disappointment in 2010 that changed the course of my life. I am wistful at times about that but it is what it is. Jim and I are very lucky having escaped intact an accident that should have killed us in 2004. I got through cancer that gave me a 14% chance of killing me in 5 years and here I am almost 11 years later! Jim had a cancer on his forehead that could have killed him if left unattended but didn't. Why we keep surviving I don't know but it just wasn't our "time to go". I guess. Long-winded me. Forgive me but you do know that I am very happy we chat. Of course if you had never answered a question I wouldn't know of you. My lucky day when you did. Thank you for your thoughtful and informative reply. I wonder if we should vote on the value of one another? I wonder if we are always really too hard on ourselves? I"m gonna ask! Happy Friday m'dear! :)
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