What is the proper etiquette at a funeral, wake, viewing or burial? My wife and I attended a ceremony for a distant relative of hers,

Play it by ear.   You probably will have some sort of funeral dinner at the end.  That is common practice.  Just be nice and don't be yourself.  (JOKE)

I have a story.  

You won't believe it.  It is true.  

I used to drink.  Remember?  I'm sure you remember me saying this.   I was an out of control drunk, actually.  I was out of control for about 5 years of my life.  

So, one of my best and dearest friend's mother dies.  He is totally distraught.  We drank together all day before the actual wake.  

I woke up the next day still blasted.  I was told by my friends that I decided to take my shoes off and wade in a fountain in the lobby.  I was supposedly standing there in nylons and a dress, with my shoes off wading in the fountain.

I have a thing for fountains.   No one but my best friend new me.  I cannot believe no one called the police.

This post was edited by WM BARR . =ABSOLUTE TRASH at December 5, 2018 12:17 PM MST

I don't see anything wrong with politely introducing yourselves because that just seems like good manners. Of course they are there to pay their respects but they do greet and talk with one another and remember the deceased person to one another. Which you could not do because you did not know him. But they are going to be solemn occasions.  I didn't know about the  meal at the end - that may be a Roman Catholic hospitality thing.  I have never seen Protestants eat at the end. 

sonne people are just rude and dont talk to others

I've never been shy about introducing myself to people and asking a question about the deceased to break the ice. And doesn't every religion call for eating after a funeral, especially after returning from the cemetery?

After a Jewish funeral, it is traditional to have a basin of water and hand towels outside the door of the home where people are gathering so they can wash their hands, both practically and ritually, since the cemetery is an unclean place.

Everyone grieves differently and I think the personality of the decedent as well as the relationships he or she had with others and the circumstances of their passing matters too. i.e. If the person was jovial in life, there's a better chance people will be walking around sharing stories. If it was "their time," people seem to cope better and are chattier. 

In real life, I am the perpetual wallflower. I don't think I've ever introduced myself to anyone, but there have been times where people have introduced me to others at the funeral. When a friend died, his mother introduced me to some of the family. That was odd because they all knew me by name, but I hadn't heard of many of them. When my grandmother died, my grandpa introduced me to people. A few times, people have introduced themselves to me, but that's usually when they have already identified who I am and how I knew the person who passed. For example, at my grandmother's funeral, quite a few came up and asked, "Are you so-and-so's granddaughter?" The less I knew the person who passed, the less people talk to me, and like I said, I don't approach people either, so sometimes I never speak to anyone I don't already know beforehand. 

It seems to me the meal thing happens more with Catholic funerals. There may be other groups that do it too, but at least with my circles, it has only been Catholic funerals that ended in a meal. 

I don't think there is a standard protocol for funerals. Really, a lot of it depends on how people are coping. When there are a lot of tears, it's awkward to start communicating with people. When people are celebrating the life rather than mourning, it's more natural. 

From the funeral's that I have been to in the UK, usually the family of the "lost loved one," stand in a line and thank the people that have come to the funeral, if there are unknown people they are normally introduced.  Thereafter, anything is a given, some may go to the venue or the relatives home for a drink (in order to raise their glasses to the deceased), and choose to speak to whom they wish, while other's go home.  Funeral's are unpredictable at times since the grief of losing a loved one brings out a lot of emotion, how people deal with it depends on the individual.  When my Grandfather died I felt completely lost, I didn't care about talking to anyone I just wanted him back, looking back it was all a bit of a blur. With other funerals where I wasn't so close to the deceased, I didn't expect too much from the family because I know how devastating loss is.
You went and paid your respects, that's good enough.

I don't usually go to funerals ... but when I do, I don't really care who else is there.
I'm there to show my respects and don't think more or less of anyone who chooses to go or not.

As to the meal at the end ... I've seen it numerous ways.
If held at the funeral home or church where the service was, that is when people "open up" and introduce themselves and share stories they weren't comfortable sharing during the service.

At 73, I have no blood relatives left to bury, just friends.

I just searched "funeral etiquette" and got a number of hits.  If I had a large funeral to go to, I would read over 2 or 3 of them that looked interesting and useful.

  

I am shy amongst strangers, and rarely strike up conversations with anyone. I went to one for a friend of my wife and knew nobody except the deceased and his wife. Nobody introduced themselves to me and that was just fine. Wedding receptions are different, though. I'll talk with anyone. The free food sounds like a great idea.

I haven't been to many funerals where I didn't at least know the immediate family and possibly a few friends.  On the occasions that I didn't know people, I didn't make an effort to introduce myself nor did anyone else introduce themselves.  I really don't need to know how everyone there was connected to the person who had passed and I'd sooner be struck by lightening than meet them ever again, so it was of no real consequence.  As for the meal, when the person was a family member, the close relatives/friends were invited to have a meal at a nearby restaurant after the cemetery.