A. Report him to police/abuse, B. Punch /hit back, C. Wait till things die down and say nothing, D. Talk to him about how it is unacceptable, or E. Say nothing anymore to him until you can get out..
I have done a mix of D and E, although I truly think, I should have done A. I just say nothing to him until I can have the money and clear mind to get out ..
Sweetie, report him.
It's so hard; he has made me feel I owe him, by living here as an adult. I also don't know what would occur if I do report - then the issue, he's my 'dad' ... but what person does this to their own flesh/blood if they Love them? I'd never dream of doing that to someone I love , hitting repeatedly. ty for this answer, I did doubt myself.
If my father ever hit me I don't think I would ever speak to him again. There would be no excuse for him taking those measures in anger. Knowing me, I probably would toss out some obscenities as well.
I feel a toxic presence when he's around me.... he defended my mom's manic abuse, and started to repeatedly hit me .. I have not spoken much to him since then, but b/c I live here, it is very hard... he acts all 'sweet' after, and sometimes I fall for it- sometiems not. I honestly don't ever want to talk again, but it is difficult while trying to save and find the 'self' I need, to get out :/ I thank you for saying what I have felt to be true for me too....
Please get away from this person. This is unhealthy and scary. I wish you the very best of luck and know that you need to find some way to get out of there.
In meantime, do I ignore all his questions.. ? 'Where did u go, have a good time? ' He acts horrible one moment and can be (not often) physically assaulting, but then act sweet the next, and asks how I am? etc. I can't even bear talking of 'how I am ' etc, when I know it is just that he's acting really. I am trying each day to find the mental stability of confidence, to find my own place, i just don't know how to handle any interactions until then.
Go to a refuge, or ask a friend to put me up until I could rent a place of my own (pay the friend a portion of her rent, or give in kind with food and chores.)
Take up aikido lessons (designs for Buddhist nuns to defend themselves against stronger opponents.)
Learn Marshall B Rosenberg's Non-Violent Communication to help defuse issues (video talks available free on line, or his books in local library.)
All three together would be ideal.
My dad already gave me a karate style punch once. I yelled at him. It's not right to smack your father unless it is to save your life.
I think a women's refuge would be a good temporary shelter for you. Even if you've been planning to leave for some time, it seems to be taking too long to accomplish the necessary independence. A women's refuge can at the very least provide you with advice about how to get out faster. They can also give you advice about contacting the police.
I think he definitely should be reported to Police. Doing so immediately after an assault is useful, especially if you have wounds or bruises that they can photograph.
Thank you so much Hart *huggg. It has taken a while to try to have the confidence to get out b/c literally, I had no 'self'.. when I researched abuse, bullying came up, and it said one tactic of a bully is to wipe away your self, so you have no identity, and that is Just what she did ... she essentially bullied me, for years and years. So for me to say, oh let me go get my 'own' place etc was Not something I even thought of... it was just how do I get by today. Now I'm learning the LIES that were spewn, and it took a lot of my conscious 'self' ... I'm learning I have a RIGHT to a self, to joy, to love... not to feel guilty about it, or like I can't have that. Ty so much for these tips... the thing is, he has hit me 2 times before that, no bruises though. I never reported b/c I feared what would happen after....but if it did happen again, I dont' think I'd question it... I just don't talk to them at all. :/ Ty soo much friend , hope ur night is great..
Maybe take up Aikido.
OMG This is a potentially dangerous situation for you. Mentally. Physically. It's not your fault.
Get out.
Thank you T .. *huggg. I've heard that shelters are not that good :/ I hesitated to tell police of what he did, but I would in future... Thx for saying it is not my fault
It's only right to stop an abuser by whatever means. He's not your dad. He's an abuser. Treat him that way.
It's easy to say for someone on the outside, do this or do that. Call the police, get out. . . Then good luck, and have a great life.. I'm not in your situation. . I don't know what I'd do. I think that's a real messed up situation. And if I had nowhere else to go, I don't know, I'd probably take it. Or not. I just can't imagine myself hitting my daughter. At ANY age. Ever.
Only thing is, if I punched/hit back, it would prob. set him in a fury... he's quite bigger than me. However I do feel he is very much an abuser, and not just when he has hit me a few times. but ignoring me, saying 'get over it' about my mom's cruel manic abuse, and other things ... when u say treat him that way, is it ok that I continue to nearly ignore him? He's my 'dad' but not really.. and when he's near I don't want ANY interaction or talking w/him, yet he says 'oh what did u do today' and acts like it is peachy keen. :/
I don't know, it's such a bizarre thing to even comprehend because my dad has never hit me, not even as a kid. It's just not part of my family. Something would have to be seriously wrong if it happened.
Yes it easy for people to just say to me 'get out' ... or call police.. but I was too shy or nervous to call them, so I wanted a consensus , WOUL D you actually call on your 'dad'? Knowing he is raging/psychopathic and God knows what would happen? So I took it... and getting out has been sO hard, because the abuse has come mainly from m manic mother; cruel manipulation since I was a toddler even. so I identified with being small my whole life; and when I do get out, I really don't have anyone to help me , financialy if I needed it.... b/c I know I need to cut them both off.. so it is really sad going out there w/no one. Ty so much for your words , the y meant a lot.
You're welcome,
I understand what it feels like to grow up with an unstable mother. The terror of uncertainty. You are probable suffering from the same PTSD that our soldiers suffer from. I can't do much for you but talk. Message me if you want.
So sorry, it was probably insensitive to just say "get out" without knowing your situation. Reading back, it was kind of harsh. How about "start planning your exit strategy"?
