I give up. I already typed up four answers to this but they all sounded dirty so I had to erase them.
Anyway, I know the absolute worst way to kill a muffin! Last weekend I was at the store and I saw a woman walking around with a smushed muffin stuck to her butt! Umm, yeah, that poor muffin definitely died a horrible death!
Cover it up with a cabbage leaf then repeatedly hit it with a hammer while telling it things like 92% of people prefer glazed donuts over muffins. Cheers and happy weekend!