As early as possible. Children are capable of handling a lot more than some people believe.
My dad was adopted and so was a good friend of mine. It only becomes a head trip when it's kept from them for years and they find out when they're much older.
You should tell them as soon as they can understand what it means or chaos will probably ensue. Kids look up to their parents (in most cases) and they put their trust in them. If parents lie to them, trust is broken and the kids could end up hating them.
This post was edited by Natz at June 10, 2019 3:48 AM MDT
I was about 23 when my 2nd step mom sent me the adoption papers. But I knew when I was about 21 and in India. I had taken a Past life Regression and discovered i was a throw away baby. Going back to when my mom placed me in a cardboard box and left me at a Bus station. I was literally in that box with all of those big people standing around the box, looking down at me. I was screaming in fear. Why was I in the box and not above it looking down on it? Because my guide was focused on the other person in the session. When I was screaming it interrupted the whole session and my guide was pissed. After I explained the situation he apologized for not keeping me above and looking down on it. As for as to when the person should be told they were adopted... when the child still has respect for the current parents and can absorb and understand the news and the enormous love of their current parents in wanting to give so much love to the child.
I would do it as early as possible, and as they grow older, help them to better understand what it means. I would attempt to get as much info as possible about the original parents and the reason for the adoption, and I'd let them know the whole truth as soon as they were old enough to ask. If some of the details were potentially unpleasant, I'd find ways to help them understand that it is no reflection on who the child is and who he or she might become. I believe kids can handle truth much better than most adults realise. And I believe that a commitment to honesty from the beginning is the best way to build trust and teach integrity, acceptance and a sane approach to life. The kid may wish to meet their biological parents when they grow up - and the path should be prepared that such a project requires tact and diplomacy and that for a wide range of reasons some parents might refuse contact. With modern medicine the way it is, knowing one's genome may one day be essential to solving any inherited susceptibilities.
I think that the seed of that knowledge should be planted early and as gently as possible in view of the child's age and ability to understand it. I've never been in the situation myself, either as a child or a parent, but I've always been impressed with those who explain to the child, "We specifically chose you . . . " That makes the child feel special and truly loved, I believe.
Years and years of getting it wrong and having it backfire have resulted in much better approaches to many aspects of adoption. People used to keep it a "secret" as long as they could, and when the child found out later, it was disastrous in some instances. Not only the sense of lying, but also betrayal, disgust, and even self-hatred. ~
Don Barzini 