.
By not expecting friends to care as much about the same things as I do, but to keep friends who care that I care about it.
I don't actively seek out attention and support from people, at least not face-to-face. I guess that's something I appreciate as it comes, and try not to expect. Instead I tend to expect the worst, and spend time brooding in solitude and writing about it online, where I can find people who care about similar things in similar ways. It seems I am consistently disappointed by the people in my life, which is a reflection of both my character, and the shallow, dysfunctional ideologies of the society I am existing in.
I think differences of opinion are a good thing. 100% agreement on everything 24/7 might get kinda old. BUT I do think friends have to respect one another and give one another wiggle room for having different views and not attack them for it. You may not agree with the view but if you respect the person who holds that view then you respect his/her RIGHT to have it and act accordingly
. Thank you for your reply smas and Happy Sunday! :)
I think everyone gets disappointed from time to time lovely. Which means we disappoint others as much as they disappoint us. Now one could say it is our fault for expecting more from people than they can give so the fault actually belongs to all who get disappointed. But I do think there are some things we ought to be able to expect...especially from friends. I think being civil is not unreasonable to expect from others and we have to be civil too. I think any insulting is out of line. You can disagree without attacking someone or insulting someone. Some folks seem to get off on it though and focus on it. They are the ones you learn to avoid and ignore. They are simply not worth your time. It is nice to find folks who see some things as you do. It makes you feel that you aren't isolated or odd or alone. When I was younger disappointment lasted longer. Now? I just move on and leave it behind and start fresh. Being disappointed is part of the territory of being a human being. You can avoid it if you withdraw from socie
ty and do not interact with others. But what kind of life is that? So you stick your neck out not knowing if someone will try to chop it off. You do what makes sense and say what makes sense and accept the consequences. That's what I do. So far so good! Thank you for your reply and Happy Sunday! :)
Thanks, Rosie! It's nice to find someone like you! Unfortunately it's so much easier to do online! But I appreciate it... See you around.
You're welcome and thank you for the kind words lovely! :)
I don't really have an answer but this question makes me think of my husband's grandmother who really does care about stuff that everybody else thinks isn't a big deal. I'm pretty sure granny would love to know the answer to this question but there are a few things which she really hates it when other people do and she really goes to pieces over it.
I'm kind of embarrassed to say here what she's so obsessive and hung up about but before I got married my hubby told me about her and I thought he was just exaggerating. He wasn't.
Anyway, he showed her. He married me, someone who does what she hates the most all the time lol.
So, she definitely get's other people's attention but not their support but usually she just sits there with a really mean look on her face and doesn't say anything.
Imagine what her quality of life must be like Livvie being like that? I wonder what kind of person she was when she was young? Was she always as she is today personality-wise or did something happen that so negatively affected her it complete changed her? Good for your husband for marrying the person he loved in spite of her! Thank you for your thoughtful answer to my question and for sharing that bit of personal history with us. It is a good example of what I meant
but a very sad one. Happy Tuesday m'dear! :)
Campaigners work with a similar mind-set to salesmen - working on percentages.
If one in a hundred changes their mind and joins the cause, that is seen as worthwhile.
Eventually, if the campaign is effective enough, sometimes over generations, a shift takes place and the new view becomes the dominant opinion on an issue or cause.
Some causes achieve success in only a few weeks or months. Change.org achieves wins on roughly 10% of its campaigns.
Activists do suffer burn out and need to take breaks to recuperate.
Workshops are run on how to sustain the energy levels required.
Boy what isn't there a group for hartfire? If you can think up one it probably already exists somewhere. Thank you for your reply m'dear! :)
She had a sad childhood because she grew up in an orphanage. Her parents had 12 kids but could only afford to keep 6 so they sent the youngest 6 to an orphanage. The people at the orphanage were abusive jerks but if you tell her they were abusive she stands up for them and says that's just the way people did things back then.
My MIL says she always has been that way. She's passive aggressive and my husband says she was domineering when he was growing up.
Love this!
You're welcome Rosie, and thank you for your lovely response. The best friendships I've had through my life are ones where we can debate and disagree without it having any negative impact on the friendship. Because we care more about the others' views than whether they agree with our own or not. It's a beautiful thing. Happy Wednesday! :)
Thank you PeaPod! :)
It can be frustrating, but at some point, you need to look closely at who you should weed out of your life and who you should value.
You can't get attention and support from someone not willing to give it. But the right people will never make you question whether they are in your corner or not.
I think it's also just as important to understand that healthy relationships are based on having a good head on your shoulders to begin with. It's wrong to think anyone can give endless attention and support.
Precisely! I think we OWE civility to everyone. Sometimes it's difficult because some people are difficult. But being civil/cordial to friends should be easy. If it isn't then something is wrong. Happy Thursday to you m'dear. I think instead of addressing you as smas I shall call you stars. They sparkle and I'm a fan of whatever sparkles! :) Thank you for your reply stars! :) I hope you don't mind! :)
That's terrible. I wonder why they chose to send the six youngest away rather than the six oldest? So she grew up knowing that she could be discarded at any time by anyone. I mean if your parents don't want you that must be a very shocking and scary thing to know. Somewhere along the line she had to learn to survive no matter what and she probably developed a shell to protect herself. I don't know. I'm just guessing. Growing up we didn't have much money but my sister and I always knew we were loved and wanted and that our parents valued us and would do anything they could to give us good lives. I think that is essential for a child's sense of self-
worth. Thank you for the further explanation Livvie. It makes feel so sad that there are children out there who have such harsh experiences. How do you ever get over that? Happy Thursday! :)
True. I had one relationship in my life that involved someone being possessive of me. We were actually engaged for several moonths but he resented the time I spent on work that I enjoyed. He resented the time I spent with my son who was in high school at the time. He resented the time I enjoyed doing things alone. I couldn't take it. The final straw was when he told me he wished he could miniaturize me and carry me around with him in his shirt pocket. Did you ever hear anything so ghastly and creepy as that? That was the end of that. I couldn't get away fast enough. I need time alone. Jim and I have been together 19 years! We are both Scorpios. We love to be together and also enjoy doing our own thing. Even when we're together he doesn't need my constant
attention nor do I need his. It is comforting to know that you are free to enjoy what you enjoy without being badgered or resented! I guess it takes all kinds! I dodged a bullet years ago when I broke off that engagement. Thank you for your reply PP and Happy Thursday to thee! :)
He sounds really needy and clingy. How did you tolerate that for so long?
We totally should be brooding buddies. I'm told I excel at that. I too have found solace in faraway 'friends' who worry of the same things the same ways.
To whom are you directing this reply
D and D? To lovely or to me ? In any case thank you for your reply and Happy Friday to thee! :)
Well we dated for about a year and at first he seemed fairly "normal" with only a rare attempt at possessiveness. After we got engaged though the possessive streak showed up very strongly.. It only lasted a couple of months before I got out. I have no idea whatever happened to him. If he ever hooked up with someone else I feel great pity for that person. We did not live together so I had that distance and space. If we did the engagement might have lasted a week. As it was it isn't a pleasant memory. I cannot stand possessive people. I am not possessive at all and I don't like others to be possessive about me. I think it is a huge weakness and sickness actually. Thank you for your additional reply D and D! :)
I was with a very controlling man right out of high school and it was a living hell for a few years. Of course initially, I was flattered this man cared about my every move. Low self esteem will make you blind to a lot of things.
Long story short, I chose well with the man I am married to now. He never tells me what to do and I never feel he resents me when things get tough. It's a mutual respect and admiration both ways.
I wish that for everyone at some point in their lives. I feel lucky to have "grown up" and made better choices in friends and partners.
Possessive, controlling people of any kind will suck the soul out of you.
