Discussion»Questions»Relationships» Guys: What is the boldest thing a woman has done to get your attention, to flirt with you, or to express a romantic interest?
The boldest thing a female did ... was freshman year in high school. The middle of science class, 2 or 3 days before the prom. She walked up to me and gave me a "French kiss" then patted my butt and walked back to her lab partner. Of course, I went beet-red and the entire class (and teacher) was laughing and hooting.
No - we weren't in any kind of relationship. She was also the "class bitch" - and seemed to always be fighting with people, or at least angry at everyone. So I suspected someone had dared her, as just another "prank" I was constantly subjected to back then.
Yeah. It's not really a flirty or romantic hit at all. Just a faint - like a kid throwing a fake punch and then laughing when the other kid ducks.
Unfortunately, that is the way some people do it. Women included. I've never done it - but I've witnessed it - the same bitches who use other forms of teasing and bullying.
I've had it done to me. It's sadistic. One guy, in particular, I remember vividly. He got an ego-kick out of seeing a light in my eye when I thought he'd actually noticed and liked me. As soon as he saw my interest, he delivered the brush off - and then his laughter. He gloated, told everyone in the room, seemed thrilled when he saw how hurt I felt. In his case, it was a form of sex addiction - a way of testing his attractiveness. He did it to a lot of women.
Happened to me during my years at CoDA. In retrospect, a good thing it wasn't sincere - would have been dysfunctional - "13th stepping" as they call it.
It sucks. Leaves a person feeling lower than maggots.
This post was edited by inky at August 9, 2019 1:55 PM MDT
HHhhhmmmmmm (nods thoughtfully while scratching chin). Would a girl, say 19-20 years old, follow you around for two years (from school to school and class to class, town to town, but turn you down when you asked for a date just to laugh when she hears the anger in your voice? I'm asking for a friend. (Smiles but with vacant eyes.)
That's a very odd hypothetical. Let's say it actually happened. I could imagine that the laughter, in that case, would not be malicious but just shock and surprise. I'm only guessing here, but it's plausible that she followed the guy around because she perceived him as safe, a friend, not someone who would pester her for romance or sex - but then when he finally asks, she's so surprised that she laughs because it's never crossed her mind. My husband is like that. He's 73 and he's had close women friends all his life. His view of relationship was to get to know a woman well and then declare himself. The majority said something along the lines of thanks, that's very sweet, but I only think of you as a friend. I was the exception.
Or maybe there's another explanation. Supposing her and his parents were in the same kind of work - maybe the military or construction. They've moved around wherever they're required, so bothe families continuously end up in the same town, so the boy and girl naturally end up at the same school. They're posted into the same class because of their age and academic record. She gravitates towards keeping him company because he's the one person who has remained a constant - his presence provides her with a sense of security and familiarity, like a brother - something stable in a constantly changing and unpredictable world.
I would have VERY LOUDLY SPIT on the floor, said UGH, the BREATH on this DRAGON, and accused her of having AIDS and demanded I get an ambulance to escort me to the nearest hospital. Tell her you excreted better looking things than her face.
TOO BAD YOU DIDN'T have me back then.
This post was edited by WM BARR . =ABSOLUTE TRASH at August 8, 2019 1:49 PM MDT
Anyhoo, I would love to learn more Yiddish. Currently, the only words I know are... schlep, tuchus, yenta, mashugana, verklempt, schmuck, and mazel tov. And I only know those from Fran Drescher on TV's "The Nanny"
This post was edited by Benedict Arnold at August 7, 2019 10:56 PM MDT
There's a great paperback called The Joys of Yiddish by Leo Rosten. It's a dictionary which includes an introduction of the history of Yiddish and a celebration of its poetic use of metaphor. For instance, schmaltz means goose fat. My husband, born to Polish Jewish parents, informs me that it's cloyingly sweet and greasy. Now I can imagine that could have some quite creative uses - too bad we're vegetarians. ;)
A workmate and myself went to a restaurant for lunch, the waitress asked me if I would meet her when she got off work. I did then we went to her place.
From the moment that first simple letter was passed from a girl named LaDonya (sounds like a drag name doesn't it) into my unexpecting hands in 2nd grade its been nothing but endless annoyance for me and hurtful heartbreak for the ladies. LOL! I remember it well, "I like you? Do you like me? Check the boxes Yes or No" Talk about a pop-quiz. I of course placed a rather bold sized check in the "no" category with a nearby magic marker, then promptly went back to rolling an Elmer's Glue booger around in my fingers while math time ticked on, and the rest is history.
Girls? UGH! Anyhow, there have been a series of attempts made to woo me most of which can't even be discussed here in the main forum and though I do admire their spectacular efforts, its ultimately got all the potential for success as reparative therapy camps for Gays. Ain't nobody got time for that.
Look, I've seen the fishnet stockings, I've seen the ample cleavage. I've seen the hair suggestively thrown back as if in a Pantene shampoo commercial. I've also seen a few hot brothers of said girls whom were far more to my liking, but I digress. Each attempt only solidified my orientation as, BIG QUEER! Ultimately you can lead a horse to water but you can not make him drink. And yes, I did just compare myself to a horse. Imagine what you will.
Through it all, I've been thankful for the valuable friendships I have forged with a handful of girls. I've learned a lot from them and they too from me. You straight guys do realize don't you, that we talk about you and it can be laughably graphic at times. Its often said that the heart wants what it wants, and though many girls shine brightly, it is not their warm inviting flame that this moth is drawn to. My wings flutter toward something different, something more beautiful in my eyes, boys and men. Always have. Always will.
Peace and happiness to everyone. Keep Loving!
This post was edited by Benedict Arnold at August 7, 2019 10:26 PM MDT
I'm fascinated by the things you seem to describe as come-ons - fishnet stockings and cleavages. When I see those things I assume it's generalised - just how that particular woman dresses for specific occasions - not targeted at one person.
The problem is, I never have been a woman to initiate. If I liked a man, the closest I could get would be to treat him as a fellow human being and hope he would feel comfortable enough with me to make a pass if he fancied me. If he didn't, it was clear that I wasn't his type and that was the end of it. (I also expected men to accept "no" if the wires had somehow got crossed.) I always thought this was pretty much normal behaviour for women.
Have I been out of touch with the zeitgeist of my times? Is America so very different from other countries in the West?
I might have missed out on many opportunities from not having the courage to say, "I love the person you seem to be, and I'd love to get to know you better."
Now I'm perplexed.
If a woman was making a pass, wouldn't she do or say something more obvious than just how she dresses?
I'm gathering - something implied in what you say above - that you are probably physically very attractive - but also that you have an attractive personality, intelligent, creative, playful, empathic, kind-hearted. That would be a hard combo for many women to turn away from. But I also would have imagined that you wear your orientation like a neon light - unmistakeable - so why would women throw themselves at your mercy knowing it could only meet in rejection? Is it a kind of ignorance? They just don't get it?
This post was edited by inky at August 7, 2019 10:26 PM MDT
Sadly, there are women who are erroneously convinced that they can change a guy. Somehow they think that if they say the right thing, or act a certain way, that perhaps, even though he is gay, he might look at women in a whole new light because of them. Many men think the very same way about lesbians and often make remarks like, "Well she just hasn't had the right man yet." In all fairness even homosexuals are guilty of doing this. Many gay men are convinced that they can ensnare a straight man. Its almost worn as a ridiculous badge of honor to say one snagged a straight guy. For whatever reason, it seems that many people often tend to be unsatisfied with whatever sexual leanings another person may have and therefore refuse to believe that it is non-negotiable.
I will say that what I wrote above may have seemed a bit misleading and implied something that it was not my intention to do. Yes, there are more overt behaviors that females have displayed from time to time in an attempt to gauge how interested I might be in them. I didn't discuss the more blatant or even graphic ones here in the main forum for obvious reasons. A woman can certainly wear various things without it necessarily signifying her intent to entice libidinous behavior but the flip side is also true at times. There are occasions when any one of us might do just that, wear something to provoke desire.
Anyhow, having said all this, I hope it is clear that I feel no real harm done just because someone is interested and makes a pass of some kind. It can actually be flattering. What is not appealing is when the amorous party refuses to take no for an answer and fails to respect the reasons why one might resist their "come-ons."That is an unattractive quality in either a woman or a man, gay or straight.
This post was edited by Benedict Arnold at August 8, 2019 1:41 PM MDT
I wonder whether the presence of bi- and questioning people complicates the issue - leads to the impression that orientation can be fluid.
I was a questioner once. I like-loved the women I knew very much - but that special spark that has the potential to turn it into a transcendent experience just wasn't there. I still like and cherish my friendships with women, including gay ones.
But there is something much more to all this than just the physical aspect.
I often find that I enjoy the ways men think. I find them more challenging - more able to help me learn and grow as a human being. With my female friends, it more often confiding and comforting - a necessary nurturing, but no stimulus.
Does that make any sense?
In some ways, bi's might be the luckiest. They can choose from a wider field.
I said before that you need an editor. I was wrong. I need patience. You both are writers and I have lost my skill to read anything longer than a few lines. KILL ME NOW.
We live in a culture increasingly dominated by the 150-word tweet. Brevity is great but it has its limitations. It makes it impossible to go deeply into anything - harder to grok the fullness, subtleties, variations and complexities.
This post was edited by inky at August 9, 2019 3:31 AM MDT
Once a co worker was in the parking lot getting ready to drive home in rush hour traffic so I said - be carfull and she said - I don't have to be carfull I'm on the pill. Cheers!
No the joke was when she showed up at the bar that I drank at the next weekend and asked if she could buy me a beer - it was funny because back then everbody knew I never said no to a free beer. Cheers!
Walt O'Reagun 