Someome insults you to your face. Your reaction? My wife called me pathetic once. No forget...no forgive.

God I WISH I could pull that off. I don't think you are trying to pull anything off, but I WOULD.

I would make everyone feel horribly guilty for hurting me.  I wish I could cry like that.  But I AM SORRY you feel badly when YOU do.  I wouldn't. LOL 

I really can't stand it. Makes me feel incredibly weak and childish, even though I know that it's not wrong to feel badly when you're yelled at by someone you care about and who is supposed to care for you. 

It's a real rarity these days, getting yelled at, but it happened not long ago and I freaking cried. I've been annoyed with myself about it since it happened. 

WOW. That is the exact opposite reaction I would have.  I would dismiss the erroneous.  I would probably have a very long time before I could admit a hurt was TRUE.  Even if it is true?  Why do you have to hurt me?  That is kind of hard to forgive.

But the path of wisdom may be to smile, forgive and move on.  That is the way of detachment I so long for.

I'd like to dismiss the erroneous.
I think it would be the sensible thing to do.
But somehow, it's the emotional intent behind the insult that bothers me more than the erroneous words themselves.
I get it that people have the right to their own reactions, and not everyone can like everyone else, and some people loathe nerds -
but I have difficulty with understanding why people could want to hurt others.
I understand it in theory - but it still flummoxes me.

It could be something deep and primitive - the awareness that humans are the most dangerous animals on the planet.
If someone starts thinking like an enemy, there's some kind of potential for threat - vague, maybe not even real - but how can one know just how pathological some people are?
I think this dis-ease in me goes way back to early childhood, when my father was sporadically violent towards my mother (about once a month) - sometimes nearly killed her. When anger and insults fly, that's a warning to me to get away fast. Even thinking about it brings a tension to my stomach.

This is hilarious.  LOL 

If I told you why, which I'm not going to, you might not be so judgemental. This post was edited by Element 99 at August 26, 2019 1:16 PM MDT

I thought I might get a middle finger for that one.

Bah fangoul   as we say in Italy.  

I understand.
There's nothing pathetic about you.
I know you face your trials with dignity, courage, patience and perseverance, Ele.

But when She says something like that, she's demonstrating total disrespect and disgust,
which is the death nell to a marriage.
It's her issue, of course - not yours.
No one deserves to be treated with disrespect.
The attitude itself is a form of mental disease.

After that, short of genuine repentance and reform, there's no option but separate beds and living like flatmates - or divorce.

For some reason, you've chosen to stay together.
Loads of older couples do that - sometimes just because it's the last advantage left -
someone to take them to hospital in the event of a health crisis. My friends Karen and Russell are like that.
Maybe there are still enough good things left in the relationship.
Maybe in moments when she's not angry, she can actually be a pleasant companion and behave like a friend... ?