If I were a radio hostess playing this stuff it would probably be more like taking the next caller that wants relationship advice instead of DJ Livvie being in the house , lol.
Livvie: Let‘s take the next caller. Welcome to Livvie’s Love Lounge. Randy D: Thank you, I hope you can help me. I can’t seem to find the right combination woman who is a really good sandwich-maker and hopelessly tilde-tolerant while also having great grammar. L: You’re that weirdo who calls every night, aren’t you? Doesn’t that restraining order mean anything at all to you? R: Oh, thanks for reminding me; she’s also got to be the kind of woman who doesn’t file restraining orders against me all the time. These court costs, fines, fees, bail money and lawyer bills are killing me financially. L: This show is for real people seeking relationship advice, not for nut cases who just want to hear their own voices on the radio. Please clear the line for someone who really needs help. R: Say, I never got a response to the string of emails I’ve been sending to you here at the show. You know, my suggestions that you change the name to Livvie‘s Lust Lounge. And I volunteered to join you as co-host. I know a whole lot about lust. L: I had the technicians program the computers to automatically delete anything you send. It’s on the restraining order that you can’t try to contact me in any way. R: That’s very Jane S of you. L: My pleasure, now scram! R: By the way, she has to love eighties music just as much as I do. L: Who are you talking about? R: My dream woman. Aren’t you paying attention at all? L: I thought you are married, aren’t you? R: That’s in real life. On AnswerMug, I’m all over the map. Just like you’re not really a late-night radio hostess. L: Folks, we’re going to commercials while I get rid of this . . . R: Wait, I haven’t had a chance to list all the different ways I like my sandwiches made! L: How about “in prison”? That’s what I see in your future if you keep ignoring legal orders. R: Prison of lust, that’s what I’m talking about! L: Off your meds again, I see. Wait until they bunk you with a Bubba or two in the cellblock. See what kind of sandwiching goes on then, ha! R: Of course, I can’t respect a woman who doesn’t understand about the tildes. I get tired of being laughed at about them. L: Don’t they have homes for people like you? Clinics, hospitals, special wards, padded cells? R: When I join you on the show, I’ll need my own 15-minute segment every night. I’ll call it the Nipple Niche. L: And we’re out of here. Listeners, here’s a word from our sponsors, coffee, avocado, mayonnaise and slang producers. R: That hurts. L: Hang up now, psychopath. R: Wait, can I have some free tickets to a show or concert? L (to the call screener): How did he get through? We left explicit instructions. Grrrrrrr. ~
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