I can go along with what you've said...I would be far less likely to help a bully or aggressive person that might put me at risk if I was alone or close by..
I think it's both in someone's personality and their own personal life's experiences that can make them more or less empathetic. It's much easier to understand and feel for someone's problems, if you've experienced something similar yourself.
I wonder, in your case, if your parents didn't encourage you to show emotions or empathy. Maybe they were uncomfortable with that themselves. Our parents certainly can have a big impact in what we develop in our personalities.
No, my parents are (were, in the case of my dad) very empathetic people and very outwardly expressive. And I do not have any trouble showing emotions nor do I have any trouble putting myself in someone’s shoes, imagining their perspective, or offering sympathy. I just don’t feel weighed down by it and would not be deterred from enjoying their pain despite knowing how it feels myself. Does that make sense?
I respect the fact that you're so honest with how you feel. I don't really understand .. but the subject you raise is very interesting and thought provoking. I just don't have the "smarts" to figure it out.
I think sythpathy is automatic...you observe a situtation and feel bad about the situtation. Just as you can see a person suddenly get hit and automatically grimace or even make an audible "ouch/ohh" etc. If we hear about a death, we think that is sad for the family. But we do not grieve for the person who died.(assuming we do not know the person)
Empathy is a choice. A choice to put yourself in their place and feel their pain.
I remember a country song came out with a pregnant woman in it. When I first heard it...I thought that is a sad song. (Sympathy)
When listened to it...really listened. It brought tears to my eyes. (Empathy) Granted I was pregnant at the time.
Sympathy isn’t automatic to me. I immediately understand what they are going through and can even think it would be awful to personally endure it, but I don’t care or feel any vicarious sadness or emotional pain for them. If I am gaining enjoyment from someone’s pain, knowing how that pain hurts helps to maximize the enjoyment, so through empathy it is actually how pleasure is gained, if that makes sense.
I do agree that our experiences make a difference. If you lost your child in a car crash, it probably would bring up some weird emotions to hear of someone losing their child in a car crash.
That makes perfect sense to me in how I was taught to view empathy. (Feel that persons pain/feelings) If you are wired opposite as you say I can fully see how empathy would in fact cause you pleasure. If I were in pain, I would prefer your sympathy for me and not empathy.
For you, it sounds like you choose to be sympathic.
What is empathy to you? Is it simply an understanding and ability to visualize yourself in that situation, or do you literally feel the emotions of the other person?
Lady Ondine 