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officegirl

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Hate

  • We  hate because it is a convenient way to alleviate our inner or outer suffering and help us feel better about ourselves.  Sitting in judgment of others lends us a sense of moral superiority, a sense of being "good", which we are unable to find in our own lives. 

    Thus hate is selfish and reflects our inability to cope with life.  As we become too arrogant, too lazy, or too repressed to constructively adjust and improve ourselves we instead shift our focus to what we perceive as "bad" in others and project what we fear within ourself onto them.  For to accept or identify with them would be to accept those parts of our own behavior we feel most guilty about.  So we set ourselves up not only as accusers but as judge and jury as well and only to condemn.  Because hate knows no compassion. 

    In hating we isolate, objectify, demean, and dehumanize the objects of our hatred without realizing we are doing the same things to ourselves. Hate narrows us, renders us ugly and dangerous, and ultimately consumes and destroys us. 

    The fruits of hate are bigotry, willful misunderstanding, injustice, and war. 

Comments

18 comments
  • Kittigate , my2cents, and Danilo_G like this

  • QUACK
    QUACK


    Do you know what I hate?
     
    I hate the actions of elitist pigs who think they have the right to strip children of their parents, take our freedoms and line their fat pocketbooks and claim they are above the law.

    I hate someone who struts and frets his hour upon the stage only to bring down the world because people are too blind to stop him.

    I hate that. 



    July 23, 2018

  • Stu Spelling Bee
    Stu Spelling Bee QUACK
    And you thusly do all those things described in the blog and confirm the writer's hypothesis.
    September 4, 2018 - 1 likes this

  • Not Sure
    Not Sure
    Science is anything that can be measured. Spirit is anything that can not be measured. Spiritual matters are not proven by logic. Science is proven by logic. No connection.

    Hate can not be measured, so it is spiritual and not something you can analyze. What you have done is to list the manifestations of hate. Interesting, but not useful.

    August 3, 2018

  • officegirl
    officegirl Not Sure
    OK I see hate as a personal shortcoming, a character flaw. 
    August 3, 2018

  • tom jackson
    tom jackson
    Hate is intense or passionate dislike.

    Are you suggesting that hate is never an appropriate response for a human to have for what may be happening?---because legitimate hate never has the results you attribute to "hate."

    August 4, 2018 - 1 likes this

  • officegirl
    officegirl tom jackson
    I would disagree.  In even suggesting that hate might be "legitimate" you are excusing it.   Hate destroys.  Love and helping others builds up. 
    August 5, 2018

  • tom jackson
    tom jackson officegirl
    I guess you have never heard he term "philosophically abhorrent."

    Hate is a legitimate response to certain actions and events.  I hate what abusers do to those they abuse. 

    Adequate education is the only remedy for superficial opinions. 

    August 29, 2018 - 2 like this

  • officegirl
    officegirl tom jackson
    No never heard of that but does not sound like hate to me.  I guess you can think that something is "philosophically abhorrent" without hating it.  But life, and the world, exists other than just philosophically. 

    By hating someone we dehumanize them in our own mind.  By which I mean rob them of their basic dignity as a human being which even God grants them because God loves them.  Such is done in wars to justify and promote destruction and can be in other situations where we have an opponent or opponents.  Whether we see them as "abusers" or guilty in our minds of something else we happen to hate. 

    I wonder to what extent "adequate education" in your mind might be "re-programming" to mine?  While we might make ourselves feel superior by dismissing the opinions of others less "adequately educated" as "superficial" those opinions nonetheless do exist.  Whether philosophical or not. 

    September 2, 2018

  • Nom de Plume
    Nom de Plume tom jackson
    I agree, Tom. The kind of hatred Officegirl describes can come in two forms: prejudice against people of a group the hater has never had to chance to know and relate to or has deliberately avoided knowing; or hatred of a more personal kind which is based on projecting one's own unconscious flaws onto another and seeing them as having the traits denied in the self.
    The first kind can be cured through education, either practical or philosophical.
    The second kind requires psychotherapy and the willingness to explore, examine and come to terms with the disowned parts of the unconscious mind. Not too many people go into therapy for that purpose.

    September 13, 2018

  • QUACK
    QUACK officegirl
    Office, it is a strong word and you defend the reasons for not embracing that idea quite well.  But hate is a description.  It is a necessary response to evil.   Sorry.  It is.  It is a process whereby only saints are exempt because they have already gone through all the horrors we can experience and have proven to themselves that hate is NOT the answer.

    Yes.  Agreed. However, hate is a process and a response to evil.  We as humans need to go beyond the hate, but we cannot go beyond what we have never experienced.  If someone kills my mom in front of me, you can bet I hate that person.  It may take years to forgive and release that emotion.  To pretend that you are beyond such an emotion is ridiculous.  You are kidding yourself.


    We need to feel it, process it and move beyond.  There is nothing else for it.  It must be endured.  And transcended.

    August 31, 2018 - 1 likes this

  • officegirl
    officegirl QUACK
    Had meant this more of a general discussion rather than a personal testimony.  So was not thinking of myself as "beyond" anything.  But don't know - perhaps my upbringing, perhaps my Christianity, perhaps whatever but I am just unable to muster much hate at all and it is mostly for things that happen to people rather than for any individuals. Perhaps I do process it but I will be quick to admit I have never had my family killed or any super great hardships or such experiences in life.  Minor ones and trials and hurts mostly. Not many horrors. And I just think about them OK they did what was best for them and did not think of me. 

    As my background is not Roman Catholic I don't get the "suffering saint" business. In Protestantism a "saint" is simply a church member. 

    My suspicion and fear is that hate Creates "evil" for us so that what we hate BECOMES evil for us.  Be it red beets or kudzu or "elitist pigs" or "strutting and fretting".  So our emotions cloud our judgment and prevent us from thinking clearly, from loving and accepting others simply for what they are instead of what we expect them to be. 

    September 4, 2018

  • Nom de Plume
    Nom de Plume

    I hate my sister. It built up gradually.
    She would approach me whenever she wanted something. It would start with her being extremely friendly and charming for a time, then, when sure of me, asking a big favour - something which would cause me considerable cost or inconvenience. If I was hesitant she would plead how important it was. After getting my agreement, she would do one of two things: cancel at the last minute after I could not recuperate my costs, or ask for much more. If I refused she'd chuck a major temper tantrum, complete with throwing and breaking things, foul language, accusations of selfishness etc.
    After several years of this, I came to recognize the pattern and refused to have anything more to do with her.

    But inside me, the losses I had accumulated rankled. I had never had the chance to tell her how much it had cost me (because she never shut up long enough to listen.)
    I believe my hatred is caused by unresolved anger about costs I could never recover.
    And maybe also a kind of hurt that her initial friendliness always turned out to be a con.

    I have not been able to forgive her.
    I take a kind of perverse satisfaction from knowing that she has done this to every other person who enters her life, and as a result, lives alone and lonely.

    I looked around online for lots of sites where professionals have studied the psychology of hatred.
    I found nothing about hate between individuals. It was all about the larger social issues.

    "Projection" was one of the most commonly given answers. They explained what projection was but, in my view, did not offer proof of the exact mechanisms by which it occurs - so although I hold it as a possible explanation, I'm not completely convinced.


    https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/nurturing-self-compassion/201703/the-psychology-hate


    https://www.hsdinstitute.org/resources/Why_we_hate_others.html




    September 3, 2018

  • Nice Jugs
    Nice Jugs
    Forget the money and just be greatful she's out of your life now....You can pick your friends  but not your family....
    Her life will be lonely and miserable if she keeps doing that to people....
    Count your blessings and don't look back....:) 

    September 3, 2018 - 1 likes this

  • Stu Spelling Bee
    Stu Spelling Bee Nice Jugs
    *GRATEFUL. And here I was thinking all you Brits knew English! LOL.
    September 3, 2018

  • Nom de Plume
    Nom de Plume Nice Jugs

    I disagree with the common view that it is better to forget. 

    I believe that remembering is the only way to learn.

    I learned not to tolerate or be nice to people like my sister.

    And I learned one can choose one's family: if relatives are toxic or dangerous we can disown them and cut them out of our lives.

    My sister has no way to find me.

     

    My sister was many times diagnosed as a borderline narcissistic psychopath. She's been in and out of jail many times.

     

    Officegirl's description of the cause of hate is a perfect example of one aspect of what psychologists call "projection."

    What she says is not wrong - it describes a very common dynamic.

    But I think it is incomplete. I don't think all hatred is always projection. 

     

    I think sometimes hatred is the result of feelings of anger as a result of having been hurt or harmed, (especially if the effects of what happened are permanent such as being maimed or disabled by someone's deliberate cruelty) and when that person is so dangerous that one cannot speak back or defend oneself.


    September 13, 2018

  • D&D
    D&D
    I hate that lots of bad people breed. They should not have that right. So many unimaginably cruel parents exists.
    September 13, 2018 - 1 likes this

  • Stu Spelling Bee
    Stu Spelling Bee D&D
    *cruel parents EXIST.
    September 13, 2018

  • Nom de Plume
    Nom de Plume D&D
    Agreed
    September 13, 2018